The Hawley Blog

WE'RE MOVING!!!

2010-07-20T23:59:00.001-04:00

We've outgrown this shanty called Blogger and are moving to a spacious new tenement in East Mogadishu: http://www.hawleycompany.net/blog/ Update your bookmarks accordingly. That address is, once again... http://www.hawleycompany.net/blog/

K-Edge Chain Catchers ETA: 'Bout a week

2010-07-20T13:53:00.006-04:00

To quote our Georgia outside sales rep, Morgan Fluhrer: Campagnolo = Stage Win... SRAM Red = Dropped Chain. Oof, you gotta feel for poor Andy Schleck. What a time for a mechanical which in turn forced him to risk life and limb on a somewhat precarious descent as he made a futile attempt to catch the Contador group. Perhaps if he had invested in the K-Edge chain catcher, he would still be in yellow, instead of the white "Best-est young Webelo riders" jersey, seething with rage like a young Annakin Skywaker right before he massacred all those Tusken Raiders after his mother died. Ugh, Tusken Raiders. Why does everything in life come back to them, but I digress. Now poor, emaciated, brotherless Andy Schleck will be forced to attack on Thursday's stage since his time trialing prowess isn't as good as Contador's. What does this mean? Well, judging by his previous mechanical history, catastrophic stem and handlebar failure on the first descent followed by some sort of chain and seatstay disintegration on the Col Du Tormalet, capped off by a drunken, nude Tusken Raider dance party in the Saxo Bank bus. They always nude-boogie-dance in single file, to hide their numbers. K-Edge purchaser Patrick's fruit bat ears have perked up at the mention of nude Tusken Raider dance parties, so as diversion, here are some of the chain keepers that shall be here in the warehouse next week.

And, the single ring cyclocross version....These come in Braze on and clamp flavors for both road and cyclocross options. Works with Sram, Shimano and Campagnolo. CHAN8402, CHAN8452 and CHAN8456 for those of you following along in your online catlog. Super-Fresh! These are machined and anodized in Idaho which is weird because nothing good has ever come out of Idaho, except Built To Spill, and they haven't put out a decent record since their split EP with Caustic Resin over a decade ago! Huzzah!

Asheville, Land of Many Subarus

2010-07-19T15:04:00.009-04:00

If The Blog ever opens a used camping gear-outfitting store, it shall be called REI 51 and it shall outfit even the scraggliest of trustifarians and it shall be good and plentiful and the people shall cling to it like so many AT stickers on a Subaru and the drum circle shall rejoice. All seriousness aside, it was good to visit Asheville and see the sights and see former Hawley folk, one an indentured servant to a cycling industry vendor and one a former servant now plying her trade in the pedagogical realm. Some of the sights "seen" included a quick spin on Kitsuma and Star Gap as inclement weather rolling in truncated any further audacious riding plans. That's what you get for leaving the house at 11:30 instead of 7:30. Anyhoo, Kitsuma seemed to be in worse shape than last September but perhaps it was merely a figment of the imagination. Nay, the trail has eroded considerably in certain sections and has seen a tree or two down. However, it was still very enjoyable until I forgot the log ramp I approached was actually a mini-launch which I wasn't leaning back enough on and did a graceful endo into some assorted shrubbery. Heavens to murgatroid. That log should be quite the spectacle with 400 people rolling upon it at this Sunday's ORAMM. Speaking of which, The Blog passed several riders during Saturday's foray. One would assume these folk were scouting the route, gaining invaluable knowledge of assorted climbs and local customs. The Blog decided to skip Curtis Creek because it is a most unpleasant climb and sometimes the most unpleasant climbs are best left un-reconnoitered until one is actually at its base staring up into its cloudy extremes like so many Mickey Mouses and beanstalks. If the weather stays hot, it could resemble an Antietam battlefield.... ON JUPITER!

On an interesting side-note, motoring up the scenic Old Highway 70, a woman was passed in a floral print dress in a somewhat old fashioned cut and running sneakers. I assumed she was out for a walk. As I rolled up to her, dinging my bell and waving, I could've sworn this woman was actually a man. Isn't that a mustache and beard or maybe it was the light? Has to be the light, right? In hindsight, the calves seemed a bit, well, largish and muscular for a woman? This shouldn't matter as everybody is free to wear whatever they want, but the incongruity of outfit and physique coupled with the aviator sunglasses creeped me out a bit. If the couple on big hit bikes riding with their dog also noticed the mystery walker and also read this blog, please leave your "take" on this in the comments section. Thanks.
By the way, just noticed REI sponsors ORAMM. If Todd Branham is reading this, I'll give you first dibs at becoming a majority shareholder in REI 51. Skype me. Let's talk. This thing could be HUGE!!! Enron Huge!

Just In Case You Forgot

2010-07-16T11:08:00.005-04:00

This lovely Soma Mixte, fully built, used in our Urban(e) catalog for 2010 is still up for sale. It goes by the name of DEMOBIKE112 for those of you following along in your online catalog. Loads of nice stuff like, uh, brakes, tires, bolts, imaginations, etc. Actually, it has a lovely Soma rack, Cardiff grips and Campy Super Record 11. If you're a dealer call in. If you're a "civilian", call your dealer and get in on this deal. If you're Darrell Laughlin, quit blocking my driveway with your repugnant Chevy Cavalier. It's gettin' towed dude, and then what'll you make your Wing Zone deliveries in? I know, A SOMA MIXTE!!!! Full circle people, full circle. Ugh, I have regressive humidity syndrome an it's only getting worse. Have a frank and productive weekend.

Two For Flinching

2010-07-15T13:26:00.007-04:00

This morning's ride into work hurt all over for some reason. Good lord, it was slow going, hence the "Slow Bicycle Race" board game above. I need to find that game and play it. Some sort of hyper-reality thing, like "I'm IN the GAME", but the game is the same thing every morning and is starting to get kinda boring but mildly life-threatening. Like if William Gibson wrote scripts for Double Dare? If William Gibson replaced Mark Summer and HOSTED Double Dare? But to continue on this commuting rant, I'm so tired of humidity. Is it this bad everywhere else? When commuters at other distributors like Q or BTI or SBS ride in, are they covered in water 7 minutes into their ride? Pretty sure I've developed some sort of bib-related jungle disease. If we open a distribution center in Arizona, please powers-that-be, let me run that mutha! In other important news, Former Vanderkitten Liz Hatch protects her melon (singular):

Current Vanderkitten Jen X races her bicycle and snags a second! Huzzah Jen!
Current Hawley headset vendor and industry innovator Cane Creek sends their love via a headset compatibility tool. It's called the Gary gauge and we hope it's named after their customer service goon Gary. Gary is a pleasant fellow who lives, like a service droid, to serve you, the customer. Feel free to call Cane Creek and spout off all your headset related questions and remarks to the most patient listener this side of Dr. Jonathan Katz. This thing measures nugacity like nobody's business!

Former Hawley roughneck Marcie H. sends her regards via this sickeningly awesome display of American culinary hyperbole. The Double Down has entered its larval stage, ensconced itself within a cholesterol chrysalis and emerged as a brilliantly colored imago of gastro-genocide. Yes, this, this feels... right. To quote the Notorious BIG, a thousand grams uncut, to tha gut!

Menchov Demands Sacrifice!

2010-07-14T15:58:00.009-04:00

Thomas Voeckler Colnago C59 resplendent in the French colors...
Happy Bastille Day gentle reader. In 1789, a bunch of plucky demonstrators brought "tha ruckus" (to borrow a period colloquialism) to a prison containing 7 prisoners, none of them the Marquis De Sade, and sent a portentous message to the French royalty. Fast forward thousands of years later to today's Tour De France! A Portuguese rider (Sergio Paulinho) wins the stage and a rubber legged Frenchman (Maxime Bouet) gets dropped from the escape group. Many a Jacobite are turning over in their graves (but not Robespierre as he despised sporting activities that didn't involve "terror" and "reigns") right about now. Nevertheless, the French have ridden a solid Tour and should be happy that their successes have obfuscated the failure of the French at this year's World Cup for at least a few more weeks. By the way, hopeless purchasing hack Patrick noticed Velonews might be jumping on the Menchov train. Silent threat indeed!

Speaking of lurking, Hawley alumni and bon vivant Brandon Caskey directed Ole Bloggy to a bunch of pics of his beyond-ridiculous ascension of the Half Dome Regular Northwest Face in Yosemite. Huzzah and much respect to a man who still owes The Blog $12.57. We're not a climbing company but we occasionally deal with climb-servicing dealers and vendors and would like everybody to know that we have much admiration for the scaling of rock edifices and those who participate in these endeavors. That is all.

Menchov in 4th!

2010-07-13T16:35:00.006-04:00

His "lurk factor" is at 7... and rising. Biding his time, and then, like the deadly sandworm, bursting forth in a cataclysm of spice hungry obliteration to win a deserved third place. In other news, Teenwolf has given up on life in general and decided to outfit his retro Orbea with corresponding retro components. After 278 dollars on Ebay, he is now the proud owner of this crime against humanity...(late edit: Michael Bronson also gave it a thumbs up. What's wrong with these people?)
Also, our local news outlet runs a helpful story to remind us that cyclists need to follow the rules of the road...
http://www.wistv.com/Global/story.asp?S=12798159

Gettin' Crazy With The Cheez Whiz: Mench Off!

2010-07-12T13:59:00.006-04:00

(Nicholas Roche, non-replicant version)
Watching the Tour Sunday, I couldn't help notice Nicholas Roche's pain face up the final climb of the day. After a cursory search there was nary a photo to be found, but it was pretty crazy looking. His mouth was stuck in this frozen "Oh" shape, like he was trapped in a state of perpetual terror all the way up the climb, however his eyes looked like they were half shut, as if he was falling asleep. His head was bobbing up and down but also had this funky side to side motion. His knees appeared to be knocking on the top tube, beating a rhthymic overture to his impending funeral dirge. It was pretty awesome. He was shattered. It made me feel good as I sat on the couch eating a bowl of Reece's Pieces ice cream at 10:50 AM. Couldn't find a good pic of his pain face, but the one above shows him earlier in the climb on the verge of super-barfing over his handlebars. Anybody got any Roche clips they'd be willing to share? I thought homeboy was transforming into more of a sprinter, not a climber? Anyway, chapeau! In addition to this non-climber, I noticed some bona fide climbers suffering a bit more than you would expect. Bradley Wiggins got dropped like a sack of doorknobs. I shall miss his tall socks. It was hot and the pace Astana set at the start seemed high, but perhaps with all the doping "heat" on Armstrong, the GC riders are laying off "the good stuff" to be on the safe side? There's no telling but here is a fascinating article in the NY Times about climbing times and power output being a tell-tale sign of doping. BOOYAH!

(Bradley Wiggins riding the Tour equivalent of appropriately tall socks on his way to a lackluster finish)
In other news, The Blog's incomprehensible pick of Denis Menchov for the Tour overall is still hanging by a thread. A very tenuous, Damocles-ian thread, but a thread all the same. "Ole Hungry Boy Slim" (not his nickname, but one he should have and therefore, will now be given) finished ten seconds behind in the Contador-Evans-Leipheimer-Basso group. As he tackled the final climb, Eurosport's David Harmon used the word "lurking" to describe Menchov's position. I thought it was appropriately menacing and underscored Menchov's overall creepiness factor in addition to his ride for the day. Was he riding up a mountain or was he living within the crawlspace of an orphanage scaring children? The guy has a permanent thousand yard stare. I'll stick with Menchov until the bitter end as the Armstrong rats jump ship and swim over to whoever looks like a winner at the moment. Schleckstrong? If Denis wins the overall, here is the chest tattoo that I shall get minutes after the podium ceremony:Apparently, cyclists seem to attract "The Crazy" more than other demographs. Here are two salient and somewhat provocative articles...
Bicycle "Rashomon"
Ban, Baby Ban
And just in case you missed it or were lying dormant in your muscle re-generating synthochamber as millions of nano-robots rebuilt your innards like so many replicants, here's a chance to win free spot at Leadville 100. A brief moment of your time could earn you a painful day in the saddle and a caffeinated beverage with Dave Weins...
http://www.trails2000.org/

(Late edit, thanks Paolo: Wiggins finished 1:45 behind, Roche was at 2:18)

Barredo Vs. Costa

2010-07-09T13:59:00.001-04:00

Tour de France slap fight, to the exxxxxxxtreme

Turn Tricks, Not Tricks

2010-07-09T11:29:00.003-04:00

Flatlanders are a strange if not somewhat misunderstood bunch but don't let that stop you from watching their "crazy antics". Here's a short bit of Richard Aguayo messing around, taking a load off so to speak. Nothin' fancy, just some flatlanding to wind down the day...

Fixed freestyle isn't really my cup of tea either, but those crazy kids with their rock and roll records and their long hair (I said trim those sideburns Mattingly!) and their acid washed jeans and their British Knights and their plucky resolve have definitely taken their riding to strange, new, dizzying heights. Taylor's "swingset to saddle" remount is pretty epic and sets the tone for the gnarfest to follow. Have a frank and productive weekend. Please riding your bicycles for much of the pleasure. Thankings.

Old Flip Cam Scraps from Taylor Dwight on Vimeo.

Hydraulicaholicism

2010-07-08T15:30:00.007-04:00

With the advent of the cellular telephone, I'm sure there were some rotary dial, land line loving holdouts, but as with all people suspicious of technology, they are usually dealt with in a swift and brutal fashion. Contemporize maaaaan. Quit livin' in the past! So after deciding to hop in a time machine and go back a handful of years ago in my mountain biking life, the trigger was finally pulled on a set of Avid Elixir R hydraulic brakes (BKST20852 & 20853) to replace the current setup of Avid BB7s. From what I'd read and seen in print these seemed like the most bang for the tiny amount of buck (think wallet opening and a cartoonish moth fluttering out). Piston size is halfway between a Juicy and a Code. Integrated reservoir. Less initial power and deep stroke modulation. Tool free reach adjust. Adjustable banjo. What do these things mean? Are they important? Sounds like gibberish fed through an electrified nonsense machine. We'll find out this weekend as the hot weather means fast and somewhat freaky, hot trail action. These come in a 185 and 203mm rotor, but for the sake of congruity, 160mm went on both front and rear. These are pre-bled and relatively hassle free. This means catastrophic brake failure is imminent. Just has to be.

Pre-bled goodness!
Post-bled goodness!

In drunken Australian vendor news, we're bringing in a whole mess of Knog locks for later in the year. They come in all sorts of weird colors and shapes but the names are fairly straightforward: Ringmaster, Fisticuff, Kabana, Party Frank and Kranksy. This is merely subterfuge to show you some clever bit of marketing from Canada that doesn't mock our health care system, for once.

Midweek Yawwwwny

2010-07-07T13:10:00.007-04:00

Frank Schleck, and what's left of his collarbone. Crucial!Yesterday's ride into work and subsequent ride home featured not one, not two, but three trains! The last train was on the cusp of the USC campus. I tried to get closer to the car in front of me but fear, fear of the unknown made me keep my distance. The stereo was blasting a Jodeci-styled R & B through treble-phonic speakers as the driver bounced up and down wildly, eating what appeared to be some sort of mega gyro or a small baby wrapped in swaddling pita.

I could smell it from 30 yards away. Anyhoo, while this sociopath relished his dinner and dancing, I began scouting alternate routes around the train. A quick jaunt through the Vista and I was on my way home, as the train, like all trains rumbling through Columbia, slowly ground to a halt. Since school is out, I've been trying to ride in to work more often, but because of lack of fitness or lack of Jodeci, or a combination of both, I have found my legs to be sore and somewhat tender, like lamb meat steaming inside a gyro. To alleviate this succulent pain, a pair of Craft compression socks (CLTH701633) were acquired with due expediency and subsequently adorned.

When combined with my compression Yanni, they increase circulation by 30 percent and "savage beatings" by a whopping 9000 percent. I look forward to premiering this outfit at Bobby's Open, a delightful "motorcycle enthusiast" (Leather Daddy) watering hole in the heart of Springdale, where sartorial panache is eagerly awarded by the most concupiscent patrons! Huzzah!

By the way, a few tidbits of cycling ephemera to shepherd you to the rightside of the weekly calendar:
Molly Cameron gives his two cents about disc brakes being allowed on cross bikes...

And FMK's insightful review of Bill Strickland's sycophantic love letter to Lance Armstrong...

Post-Fourth Ridesplosion

2010-07-06T14:28:00.008-04:00

The Blog got his first taste of hyperbolically labeled olives the day after the Fourth of July. They were colassal in size and even bigger in country, fresh flavor. Adam got his first taste of downtown Columbia riding and Fort Jackson riding. Not sure how Adam felt about the ride but we're sure it was a nice change of pace from Lexington county kill-roads. He did a good job and didn't allow Josh's erratic pace to throw him off his game. Josh's erotic pace, that was a different story. I got my second taste of a sample kit from the kind folk at Sfatto. The Sfatto kit on a longer-ish ride was super-comfy. Never ridden in gripperless bibs but I liked it, a lot! The "medium" size leg length was a little on the shortish side, but all in all, a very nice product! Who knew?

Fireworks Vendors 1, Bloggy 0

2010-07-02T11:42:00.006-04:00

Saw this new Mexican eatery on the ride into work. Gotta love the mixed if not somewhat spooky message they're sending. After some Googling, this is a fairly prevalent name in the Mexican eatery universe. "The Hunters" Who knew?David Herlihy's somewhat spooky message pertains to the intriguing story of Frank Lenz and his disappearance during a cross continental bicycle journey in 1892. New York, San Francsico, Japan, China, India, Persia and then Turkey. Click on the portrait to listen. Good stuff! Have a frank and productive weekend. May you not loose any fingers to firecracker shenanigans. Remember: open palm makes you look like a chump, but a clenched fist leaves you a charred, blackened stump.

Thursday Afternoon Randomosity

2010-07-01T15:19:00.009-04:00

It's Thursday and that means it's time to look at the charred remains of a Lamborghini in Brooklyn.OK, that was freaking crazy. Something equally crazy, get a load of Big George's left calf muscle as he rides alongside Cadel Evans in Holland. What's going on there?

And one final note of craziness, the new candy apple green Soma Juices (FRAM3010) have finally arrived in stock. Heads were exploding all over the receiving the department, "Scanners"-style, as these frames were unpacked; Not from the super-loud green color but from weaponized telekinesis. It's not too late to eschew the Tour for the mountain and trail-ular pursuits. Seriously, we all know Denis Menchov is gonna win by like, an hour or whatever so there's no point in wasting precious trail time plopped in front of Versus. Huzzah!(16 inch frame shown)

"Ghost Dad" Makes "Umberto D" Look Like "Singin' In The Rain"

2010-06-30T13:45:00.006-04:00

With the Tour De France fast approaching, we thought we'd share this bit of cycling ephemera from the Johan Bruyneel archives. Pictured in the center is a fautleroy'ed junior rider (Bruyneel) flanked by a motley assortment of characters who comprised his scheming "entourage". From left to right, in order of literary menace: The Manager, The Proud Father, The Estranged But Loving Grandfather, Bruyneel, The Coulda-Been-Somethin', The Hired Muscle, The Child-Minded Simpleton, The Goon and The Pariah. Technically, and this is going by written rules and not letting emotion cloud judgment, shouldn't the Goon be on the front page of The Satorialist? High wasted linen pants, lapel-less hunting jacket, cigar hanging suggestively from his mouth and thumbs inserted front pocketwise look offly Euro-Sartorialist to this eye. It's a weird photograph nonetheless. May it haunt your dreams for the next 4 weeks.

Speaking of haunting, even though purchaser Georgio has moved on to greener pastures, his purchasing memories haunt us like so many Caspers, Ghost Dads and Rich Uncle Skeletons. In a stroke of brilliance, Georgio brought in the always lovely Cardiff leather saddles to appeal to the cruiser/mixte crowd who find an SLR or Arione distasteful and the exorbitant price of a Brooks unsettling. These are one hundred percent leather saddles made for one hundred percent of your backside. Just noticed, but The Blog is pretty sure the Cardiff logo and the Guild Of Calamitous Intent's logo look eerily similar. Note to self, need to purchase those Venture Brothers cufflinks before they're sold out. Buy a Cardiff while you're at it. That is all.
Not sold on "Ghost Dad", then check out the critical acclaim you naysayer.

Prediction: Predator #4 Plays Topher Grace's Vertebrae Like A Xylophone

2010-06-29T15:36:00.005-04:00

If this image doesn't lift your spirits and brighten your day, then you're what we call, "on the ball". By the way, is anybody else nervously X-ing out the days on their calendar until the release of "Predators" in theaters, nationwide? Adrien Brody, Topher Grace, Laurence Fishburne, Abe Vigoda? I smell box office gold. Here's hoping there's a scene with the head honcho Predator sipping cognac in his sitting room with an oil painting of an armless Carl Weathers over his fireplace as he discusses the finer points of disembowelment with his predator grandchildren. July 9th gentle reader, July 9th....If there was one lesson "Dynamite" magazine taught us, it was that children hate reading. But children like looking at goofy television celebrities, and thus "Dynamite" prepared an entire generation of future "People" and "US Weekly" subscribers. But what's venerable comedy juggernaut Jimmie Walker smiling about? Perhaps the resurrection of the sub-Saharan wasteland his career had dissolved into at last year's Gathering of the Juggalos where he shared precious stage time with Pauly Shore? Yes, but in addition to that rancid cherry on top of a dog turd sunday of a career, he's also super-pumped about the impending delivery of July's Masterlink to all of his favorite outside sales reps who'll be visiting their favorite independent bicycle dealers. Featured are all sorts of delightful DT Swiss bobbles and trinkets, the debut of the new CLIF crunch bar, Super freaking awesome deals on Craft clothing and the Pace Edge visor, named after former Hawley suspension troll, Jeremy Edge. "Ain't we lucky we got emmmmm...."

(The average yearly subscription rate for "People" magazine is $105.47. Seriously)

Handlebar Tape Disease: Ghana Area

2010-06-28T11:42:00.006-04:00

So for the past few months, I've been wracking my brain about what hood/handlebar tape combination to run on Jacques Lobster. Because HUDZ carries pretty much the visible color spectrum and if you combine all the color options from Deda, Bike Ribbon, Cinelli, Sram, Eleven81, Singleworks, Zipp and Lizard Skins, any retina-searing set-up is possible. Since I've been on a dub/reggae listening kick for a while, reinforced with a healthy dose of Michal Veal's "Dub: Soundscapes...", I had a eureka moment: I shall outfit the Lobster in Rasta colors! Huzzah! So after selecting a yellow set of Hudz (BKPT11832) to fit my Campy shifters and some red Lizard Skins bartape (HDTP1603) it was time to step back and behold the glory that is "The Original Rockers Rosewood Sound System". Sadly, the Rasta wasn't working. It wasn't giving off the Black Ark vibe I was going for. It felt more like a Ronald McDonald meets Oscar The Grouch mash-up. Shell Oil meets Jolly Green Giant? Sales flunkie Jose predicted it would look like a hot dog, and I was on the verge of grudgingly accepting his prognostication, when I glanced up at the TV and saw the joyous hordes of Ghanaian futbol fans waving yellow, green and red flags after they dismantled the US. Eureka, for the second time! An out! An expedient reason to save face: Handlebar scheme was now "in honor of the Ghanaian world cup victory" instead of the Rasta bike/Original Rockers Rosewood Sound System. And yes, it is a most hideous color scheme indeed...

By the way, this was the maiden voyage in my new Toms Shoes kit, courtesy of Team Toms Shoes team director Adam "My Hawley Graphics Department Coworker" Abramowicz. Go buy some Toms espadrilles since it's for charity and Adam is a kind, old soul with a button nose and two eyes made of coal. That is all.

(Post script: It rained buckets on me yet the white bibs stayed opaque, keeping my nether regions obscured from the lecherous eyes of Shandon freakazoids)

Friday Afternoon Advertisements

2010-06-25T14:49:00.006-04:00

In honor of our new 2010 Urban(e) catalog, a CASIO! wristwatch commercial featuring Joey Krillz...

And on the Left Coast, Massan doing a spot for Taiwan junkride-maker Leader (?) Bikes. Why can't these kids wear helmets?!

Massan for Leader Bikes from Brandon Finks Video/Animation on Vimeo.

Play 'em off Piano Jose...

Psst, our good friend Rachael at Palmetto Cycling Coaliton wrote an excellent editorial for "The State" newspaper. A MUST READ! (although the title is a little zzzzz, much like this blog post). Have a frank and productive weekend.

Commuting In Numbers

2010-06-24T09:25:00.006-04:00

First group commute in a while went off without a hitch. Adam, Josh and Ole Bloggy met at the intersection of Platt Springs and Emmanuel Church right down the road from the airport. Bloggy wanted a McDonald's breakfast burrito but the prospect of bib chili this early in the day kiboshed the idea. Adam and I agreed to make sure Josh pulled us up the Shirway climb. He was none the wiser...
Big thanks to Chad Hoerner at FSA for the new commuting jersey. FSA makes a quality cantilever brake! Jacques Lobster-approved. Sadly, the jersey sleeves were shorn of their elastic cuffs a la Caskey and Porter (Brandon and Tobe respectively). Not ready for the Dicky full sleeveless look but there is something to be said for the fluttery goodness in the summertime...

Commuter Bike Of The Week, Profiles In Courage: Brian Love

2010-06-23T16:12:00.009-04:00

In every kingdom, government, secret society or high school clique, there are figureheads or closely knit factions of influence, concentrated power and ferality that to hint at even the slightest of transgression can bring down the wrath of a Norse god apocalypse (see yesterday's post, ref: "Ragnarok"). Thus it is so with The Hawley Company's IT department, who at the drop of a misplaced bracket or backslash in a line of code could grind the wheels of bicycle part commerce to a screeching halt. In the spirit of detente, The Blog humbly beseeches our IT overlords for mercy. As a sign of goodwill, this week's commuter bike of the week belongs to IT goon B'Love! After a 90 minute berating from D-Rod yesterday, B'Love decided to quit the tender-footing and get serious about riding to work. 16 miles and 7 gallons of sweat later, B'Love made it to work in one piece this morning. Is this only the beginning of a possible bike commuter MVP performance for 2010 or a Pervis Ellison-styled flame out that will leave the historians shaking their heads. Only time will tell....

A motley combination of Sigma Quadro (new for 2010!) and Planet Bike lights adorn the handlebar. The ubiquitous Shimano SPD pedals, the choice of all lawless commuters...GI saddlebag installed at a rakish angle compliments the Selle Italia and Planet Bike...GI Second Wind pump and a 24 oz Polar bottle...The Maxxis Detonator training tire. Not bulletproof but more than adequate for the rigors of riding into work...17.77!!! Birth year of Italian sculptor Lorenzo Bartolini. Fresh!

Subway: Come For The Food, Stay For The Mild Irritation

2010-06-22T14:14:00.005-04:00

Huzzah gentle reader! Tuesday has arrived like a swarm of locusts, sweeping into this week like a scourge, decimating within seconds what has perhaps taken a lifetime to create, taking what was once fertile and making fallow, what was once brimming with life, a hollow wasteland of endless shadows haunted by the grim specter of death! So did anybody else get stuck at the Subway off of Highway 6 this afternoon? Standing in line with coworker Joshie, my tummy already twisting itself into a food deprived pretzel, a woman, who must've parked her spaceship in the back as I didn't see it in the parking lot, was arguing over what amounted to a 90 cent overcharge on her Subway gift card. I looked at the other 12 people in line behind this nitwit and assumed we were all on the same page: Grab this "person", roll them up in a carpet, load "it" back into its spaceship and send it back to whatever galaxy it was from. Sadly, those mush-mouthed sad sacks didn't translate my raised eyebrow and subtle hand gestures for "Swarm! Swarm!" and we all stood in line as the Subway attendant and the slack-jawed extraterrestrial debated the merits of a currency based economy and whether we should all scrap it for Thunderdome-styled bartering. As I began composing various bawdy limericks to be chiseled upon my tombstone, as I knew I would die of old age in this Subway before the gift card discrepancy was resolved, reason reigned supreme and the 90 cents was added back to the gift card after a plucky sandwich maker was able to hack into the federal reserve's mainframe. Is there anything the movie "Sneakers" DIDN'T teach us about plucky resolve?

Speaking of "people" with plucky resolves and an unhealthy distrust of unnecessary quotations, Purchasing dynamo/sluggard Patrick Augustine sent The Blog these awesome velodrome-inspired fashion stylings from GQ. The good news? Capes are the new black for 2010. The bad news? RAGNAROK!!!

By the way, just in case you've been living under a bridge, scaring small children like some common troll/Patrick Augustine, Hawley is the first distributor to get the new Polar Bottle designs for 2010. Originally named, The Barkley, The Jordan, The Bird, The Johnson, The Malone, The Drexler, The Ewing and The Pippen, Polar has since renamed them Rave, Manga Bear, Rose, Liquid Motion, Techno Tiles, Gizmo, Big Bear and Murray Schulman (AKA "Platinum") after their "Remember The 1992 USA Dream Team" campaign was scrapped for the "Let's Not Do Anything Outlandish" campaign, which should be EVERYBODY's campaign for 2010....

Give In To Deliciousness

2010-06-21T13:50:00.009-04:00

Monday, this is Bojangle's Bacon, Egg and Cheese biscuit. You two behave yourselves...Apparently this weekend, many folks were "racing" in "races" for valuable "prizes" and "parting gifts". Does my overuse of quotation marks intrigue you? Anger you? Confound you? Well then, my work here is done. Please read Hawley Company's co-favorite bike messenger Billy's account of his New Belgium Urban Assault experience and then read Hawley Company's other co-favorite bike messenger Dicky's account for two irreconcilable versions that will do more to confuse than to enlighten (this is pure conjecture as The Blog has read neither but will do so with his customary after-work cognac and custard-scented ether kerchief). As these two neer-do-wells careened through the streets of Charlotte, a few Hawleyites were at Bent Creek riding cyclocross bikes, wearing leis and sticking it to the presidential fitness challenge.

Never, ever under-estimate a 6 foot 4 man in a child's small New Kids On The Block tank top.Cane Creek headset engineer Jim Morrison. No joke necessary.Teenwolf: DEAD LAST In the end, their efforts would be for naught as a plucky accountant would hold alllll the cards and wear the laurels! Teenwolf flatted twice while former Hawleyite Will flatted EIGHT times! In conclusion, some people search for death. Right around the 4:20 mark. She's cool as a cucumber.

Another Groundbreaking I-Phone App

2010-06-18T09:00:00.000-04:00

Hey there bike shop owners and industry folk, don't forget to inquire within our sales department about Hawley's new "Order Cut-Off Notification" app for your I-Phone! Once downloaded, every business day when you hear Europe's "The Final Countdown" blasting from your phone, you have exactly 5 minutes and 11 seconds of triumphant stadium rock to enter your order. Ozzy Osbourne's "Running Out Of Time" can also be substituted for an additional 99 cents. If you miss cut off and need to place a new order, the New Order "Substance" boxed set app can be purchased and played continuously throughout the night until normal business hours resume. This is not a hoax.

PCC Kit Announcement

2010-06-17T08:00:00.000-04:00

Tired of riding your titanium Moots road bike in Wrangler jeans and Myrtle Beach tanktops? Well, the Palmetto Cycling Coation has the cure for your denim-chapped posterior and shame-chapped everywhere else. It's called the 2010 PPC Kit and the deadline for ordering one is next Monday, aka June 21st. If you're a member, you get a gigantic discount! Even if you're not a member, buy one anyway and show your support for the group that's looking after cyclists' interests in a state that often forgets we exist. These kits come in both CLUB (Brantley) or RACE (Teenwolf) cut.

You Have Lunch, We Have LUNCHEON!

2010-06-16T13:06:00.007-04:00

Brian Orloff of vendor powerhouse Sigma Sport is known by many names. Some call him Brian, others, Orloff, and a few refer to him as Brian Orloff (and the ultra rare anagram "Born For Fail", first seen on his kindergarten report card). Around these parts, he is simply known as "The Man Who Saved Lunch on June 16th, 2010". Apparently, Mr. Orloff, still reeling from the effects of an all-night ether binge at Clamdiggers, mis-texted a missive to Sigma product manager Sandy Emmanuel this morning along these lines: "Sandrew. Yo. Gonna blow up tha spot with like, i dunno, 33 pizzas for Hawley. Peace" 9 hours later, a line of pizzas not dissimilar to Hannibal's war elephant caravan through the Alps descended upon the "S" aisle in the warehouse to raucous applause and cavorting. King Edward, shipping department Noid, danced a furious jig then consumed an entire bottle of Stan's sealant in his excitement and is now tripping the light fantastic as these words are typed. In honor of today's event, we have a created a Sigma Pizza Mandala to honor Brian's generosity. Grazie!

Pay careful attention to the lumbering figure in the background. His name is Adam Rickard. He works in the shipping department. He is, seriously, seven feet and four inches tall. He weighs, 151 pounds. His parents are Kaminoans, the same folk who cloned Jango Fett. He likes to yell "epic!" at The Blog which never fails to elicit a guffaw...

Happy Trails, Will Gillette

2010-06-15T15:28:00.003-04:00

Grand Junction bound....

Monday Rage-a-thon-free-for-all-palooza

2010-06-14T11:06:00.011-04:00

The Decline of Western Civilization, a case study. Exhibit A: This weekend's top box office returns. Remember, good hard working folk are shelling out 11 dollars ticket for some of these clunkers. We're in big trouble people. Exhibit B: This headline from "salient web news source" Huffington Post. Seriously important! The hope for Western Civilization? Lobster rage fists, new Cardiff saddles and grips, the FATS trail system in Augusta and a worldwide protest against anything that needs anything from BP...

Georgio Faulknerleria stepped up his game and added the Cardiff line of leather saddles and grips for 2010, including the fabled wooden grip. The saddles are lovely bits of leather and brass for your favorite Mixte or bar stool. Tweed jacket and Holly Golightly vinyl EPs not included.Loading up for the FATS ride, the Thule 822XT Bed-Rider (CARR6155) is being put through its paces. My first experience with it and all signs pointed to "impressed by its simplicity and stability" yet disappointed with its lack of a midrange and fuzzy bass tones. Inquire within.

The Blog's Planet Bike Orion full finger glove (GLVE1427). The actual physical properties of a "glove" have slowly been replaced with flimsy, stinky strands resembling some sort of bird nest, if that nest was constructed on the set of "The Dark Crystal". Nevertheless, 90 percent of the fingers are covered from the elements and provide an olfactory assault beyond description to wake even the foggiest of heads. Below is what these gloves looked like 2 years ago...

You can't front on these bullet points, hugs and kisses from Sandy Emmanuel:

Amara palm and anatomic slim gel padding to absorb vibration
One way stretch terry and four way stretch-woven spandex body with woven Lycra forchettes for a durable, snug fit
Ventilated mesh upper for cooling
Silicone fingertip prints for increased grip (on hobo necks)

FATS (in beautiful North Augusta) is and will always be one of The Blog's favorite trail systems. Last week was a slog so Saturday's ride was almost cathartic in the amount of stress it immediately relieved. Suffocating heat and stifling humidity dampened our jerseys, but could not dampen our spirits as the mile after mile of rootless, bobsled-track-fast singletrack was mind bogglingly fun (as usual). IMBA Epic an hour from the house! How can you lose?

Cane Creek stooge Eric let's another "bib bomb" rip in Joshie's face.

Teenwolf gathers himself after the first half of the ride on his "wacky" Orbea. Teenwolf rode well and was able to keep his world famous temper in check. Seriously, you're always on eggshells around this maniac...

A simple reminder

2010-06-11T10:04:00.002-04:00

of how important tires with reflective sidewalls can be when you're out and about...Kenda Kwick Track, the official urban tire of the Hawley burrito ride!!! TIRE7692
The World Cup is starting today. Judging from the acrid stench of my UCI mandated urine sample and the itchy red rash covering my backside, The Blog can safely say it has World Cup fever, and possibly blood poisoning. Have a frank and productive weekend...

Predator Theater Players: "Waiting For Jiminy"

2010-06-10T15:05:00.020-04:00

The End.

Richard Sachs Thinks He's Better Than You

2010-06-09T14:57:00.015-04:00

And he has the "New Yorker" bicycle-themed cover collection to prove it...

Tony Zanca also thinks he's better than you because he'll be riding across the country in a few months. He and his partners have a blog you should read. You can follow his wacky training regimens and perhaps gain some insight into one of the most unstable manimals you'll ever run across! Anyhoo, Teenwolf brought in his newly built, fully-sponsored touring rig and begged us to give it a test ride. Nothing crazy, just a quick jaunt around the parking lot. After Josh jumped it off the loading dock and Andre nose wheelied on it for about 50 yards, we put it through some cyclocross sand riding. Then we totally wrecked it! Gadzooks! I blame it on poor brake adjustment...

Josh wanted to draw attention to the extra long steerer tube which provides Tony the option of altering his riding position once his back seizes up on him somewhere in the middle of Colorado... during a blinding thunderstorm....Josh said, "Wow, look at this handlebar tape! What a wrap job!"Play him off Piano Maret...

Of and Turtles and Commuter Frames

2010-06-08T13:49:00.011-04:00

The earliest known turtles date back 215 million years ago. They have been around longer than snakes or lizards. The largest turtle can reach weights of 2000 pounds and some have lived for more than 200 years (an infant compared to Brantley)! During a particularly sweltering mountain bike ride recently, I came across this docile turtle resting trailside. It's crazy to think he could trace his family lineage back millions of years and how we take these walking historical artifacts for granted. Here is an excellent recipe for turtle stew.

Speaking of slow and steady with a penchant for laying its eggs in the cool, damp earth, behold the new Pake commuter frame (FRAM5144) in its 2010 incarnation, battleship gray! Huzzah!

Deep Do Do: Scott Explains The Do's and Do Not Do's Of Training

2010-06-07T12:54:00.008-04:00

The Blog went out Friday after work to test ride some old SPD pedals on his cross bike. Figured they would work well enough after 6 years of festering in a drawer (which was festering in a room that was trying to be forgotten about). Full of old trail dirt and dust, tension springs cobwebbed, they snapped up the cleats after a few strained attempts and after turning the I-Pod on, the constant noise and clattering was barely audible. That's probably how Scott (receiving department bon vivant) recognized me, as he is legally blind and steers his bike by bouncing sonic blasts off of objects as he rides, like a bat. Scott came alongside and we chatted about training since Scott was himself training and I was worrying about my pedals spontaneously disintegrating. Basically, in a nutshell, Scott explained the differences between heart rate data/results and wattage data/results. Apparently, you can buy machines that measure your heart rate and wattage and then these machines transcribe all those bleeps and bloops and computer mumbo-jumbo into easy-to-read text and graphs. Then you can skim over them and see if you're "improving" or getting an F, which stands for "fluctuating". For example, you can buy a Sigma PC-15 heart rate monitor (COMP41052) and duct tape that to a Sram Quarq Power crankset (CRKS3914). Simple enough eh?So yeah, Scott took some blood samples from me, measured my Troglodytic Mass Index, recalibrated my Qi factor and read my tarot cards (apparently, I'm immortal). After a few more hours of calculating (all done while riding) we got some pretty staggering results:
ABILITY SCORES +3/+7
PSIONIC ABILITY -4
ARMOR CLASS -45/-75
HIT POINTS +120/+150
SAVING THROWS -20/-60
ATTACK ROLLS +5

Scott's final verdict: Focus on 20 side die rolling to maximize my attacks, consider bartering for a melee weapon of some sort, befriend more wizard and necromancers during group rides and try to do more intervals, which according to Scott are short bursts of intensity followed by relaxed moments of peace and solitude. These can also be done astride a bicycle but Scott said until my Qi factor gets above 9000, I should stay off the bike when practicing these "intervals" or I could create a black training hole, otherwise known as the H&G channel. Check out Mr. Fancypants sprinting away from our training session. You think you're better than me, don't you??!!??!

Getting A Grip On The Weekend With Jose's Backside!

2010-06-04T10:00:00.010-04:00

Rabid Italian cycling fans sprint alongside Basso lending him a hand. Job well done fellas!
Speaking of things that are rabid, Jose's eyes got all "buggy" when he saw the newest Knog Big Dog colors soon to be in the USA (Dirty stone, Black & Concrete, and Lime). Wanting to show off the results of his recent VHS acquisition, "Toning Your Backside For The Ladiez", Jose demanded I shoot the Knog bag on him for the sake of scale, etc as he rubbed his hands and arched his eyebrow in a most prurient manner. Horrified, I grabbed the camera and five long hours later, Jose finally found a photo that would suit his "needs". And yes, that bag is crammed to the gills with hardcore Puerto Rican skin mags! I love this guy!

Good News And Horrifying News

2010-06-03T09:51:00.008-04:00

"Cycle tracks will abound in Utopia." -H.G. Wells
“I don't really think, I just walk.” -Paris Hilton

First of all, here is some good news. National Trails Day is on June 5th. There should be all sorts of nationwide events but here in Columbia, you can join in the trail fun at Harbison State Forest at 10:30 AM. There will be a dedication ceremony for the Richland County Conservation Commission ("You sir, are a mouthful") trailhead education kiosk followed by some group trail rides and walks. Admiral Bumbles the Itinerant Clown will be making balloon animals from 10:45 AM until 7:00 PM. He will need nourishment and kind words. In kinda good news depending on your feelings about suspected dopers, Lance Armstrong (or as his hand towels say, LA) is back on the bike and racing at the Tour of Luxembourg. I think he did a time trial or something, who knows really as it took place in Luxembourg and according to Wikipedia, they're still waiting on their first rotary phone to be installed for the local press contigent. Does Luxembourg even have telegraphs? I tell you, the telegraph is going to make a comeback once the young people realize the I-Phone is just a TV remote without any buttons. Scam city. Anyhoo, Graphics toiler Adam sent this Michael Jackson-esque photo to The Blog. LA flanked by his entourage sporting a nose that may or may not have a narrower bridge...

This is a handy chart. Acquaint thyself with its easy to understand color-coding...

And finally, the horrifying. Apparently this psychopath brushed a rider on a charity ride with his vehicle, escalated a confrontation and then started getting his stab on. It really boggles the mind when these things happen. Also, if you have the stomach for it, scroll through the article's comments section for some "unusual" takes on the incidence. Click on this degenerate's mugshot for the full story. Thanks Bruce for the heads up...

Stanyan Frames, 2010

2010-06-02T13:58:00.008-04:00

Formerly the "Speedster" the Soma Stanyan (FRAM5073) is named after a street in San Francisco that used to have upwards of 7 bike shops and 19 "Bullitt" memorabilia boutiques in a 4 block section. Each frame is coated in an industrial strength resin made from the remains of Jerry Garcia and Cliff Burton, no foolin'. You can have your Stanyan in any color as long as its black.

Name This 24 Hour Race

2010-06-01T15:04:00.003-04:00

No time for an update today, but mad props to Asheville Mark, Mike from Highland Ski and Outdoor and the two Daves! Cheerio!

Yet Another Burrito Night Sandy Skipped

2010-05-28T09:34:00.009-04:00

A Few Nuggets Of Grave Import....

2010-05-27T12:47:00.005-04:00

Jose was right and his proof was in the pudding known as Google Images, and not "Pixel Sticks" as Jose lovingly refers to them. What proof? Basically, the Soma RUSH track frame downtube graphic and its eerie similarity to this... and yeah, who's gonna be at Papa Jazz tomorrow thumbing through the dollar bins looking for this piece of cultural awesomeness/genocide???

Rachael from the good ship PCC sent along this reminder of some very cool folks doing a very cool bike ride that'll be taking them though "our fair city", which you could argue is cool or not so cool. Please do not argue. Apparently, you can sign up to accompany them on the next leg of their arduous journey. Sorry, no rebumbents (weirdos).

Methinks this will make an excellent episode of "Mock Trial With Judge Reinhold"...

Sadly, this has already gone to trial (well not exactly) and perhaps justice wasn't served. Read BOTH articles and draw your own conclusions...
The "incident" (to use "LOST" speak)
The "uh, well, hmmm" (to use graphics department speak)

Today's Tom Sawyer?

2010-05-26T13:56:00.012-04:00

OK, first of all. This is Geddy Lee, the ugliest man on Earth and bassist for the band RUSH:

Second, please gaze upon the new green Soma RUSH track frame in all its prog glory! FRAM3740 (for those of you following along in your catalog) sports new, completely contradictory graphics on the down tube and seat tube. One part Silca font (thanks Brian) and one part "Boogie Nights" (thanks Jose), all parts "removable" to accommodate your "PANTERA STILL ROX" or "Nomah!" custom graphic you have on order....

Commuter Bike Of The Week...

2010-05-25T14:17:00.007-04:00

... Belongs to Justin of Shipping/Receiving/Perfumery. You may know him as Justy, Justicus Maximus or Old Fuss-n-Feathers, but to the accounting and sheriff's department, he shall always be J-Town and J-Town's commuter ride is a case study in functional frugality melded with Tokyo cyberfunk. Cobbled together from pieces both purchased and donated (sic. conjured), this is a lovely, Krylon-ed commuter bike that would be welcome in any Hawley employee's stable. A little background info on this week's commuter: Justin enjoys tallboys of energy drink, good posture, endless loops of sitar music, venting his unfounded rage against Mother Nature, forklifts, running into The Blog at Lucero concerts and volunteering at the local motion sickness clinic. For a good commuting time, feel free to give J-Town a ring...

Nice lugwork coupled with the ubiquitous Cateye taillight & DIY seatpost clamp bolt...
Speckled accents along the fork legs remind one of a spotted salamander served with kidney bean salad, peach cobbler and bread roll...
Singleworks Brown Marble cork handlebar tape (HDTP0924) for the lover of fine things, like brown marble. Check out those headset spacers! That's mah boy!!!
Even with the Kenda cross tires, this mystery road frame has pretty good tire clearance.
Ciao ciao!

Basso In Your Face, Not An Eight Track...

2010-05-24T12:52:00.008-04:00

Holy moley, it appears Ivan Basso is back and "cleaner" than ever? Only time and the passage of bodily fluids into a lab cup will tell, but one must admit that there was certainly "no frontin" on his performance from Sunday afternoon's little jaunt up the Zoncolan in The Giro. Homeboy was obviously "feelin' it" and from his "pain" face, he wanted all those maniacal fans on the mountainside, the press and his fellow riders to know that this was only a precursor to the cycling "beatdown" that will be administered for the duration of this week! Is he screaming? Is he laughing? Is he scraughing??? Best check yourself, dummy...

Speaking of "beatdown" and "feelin it", Hawley-ites Will G and Josh X drove up to Tsali for the annual 12 Hours of Tsali. Nobody podiumed but at least Will got mud in his bibs and Josh mentioned something about "I've made a huge mistake." Nonetheless, to quote Woody Allen, "90 percent of life is just about showing up...."

Hawley Bike To Work Day, 2010!

2010-05-21T11:20:00.025-04:00

Tons of thanks to Brueggers Bagels for supplying the ride with post-ride bagels, muffins and coffee! Not only are they committed to filling our bellies with awesomeness, they're committed to supporting cyclists and cycle-friendly communities. Starbucks' coffee tastes like bat pee and their muffins are borderline poison. BRUEGGERS FOREVER!!!

A Few Things Of Some Import

2010-05-20T10:38:00.012-04:00

Firstly, esteemed purchasing department cohort Patrick forwarded this bit of Double Down-related information yesterday. I don't know if I should be sickened or elated, or a little of both (sicklated?) but it's worth the cursory glance. I guess viral marketing works and it's here to stay. Unfortunately, with this fat bomb's success, is it a portent of things to come for an ever-expanding (in waist) American public? Hmmmm. Let's hope that steamed vegetable viral campaign kicks into high gear later this summer. Then again, what better way to work off unwanted Double Down girth than a new bicycle from your local independent bike shop??? Secundo, yesterday's Ride Of Silence in Columbia can officially be deemed a "smashing success". Looked like 150 or so cyclists gathered downtown for a slow ride through the heart of Columbia, complete with police escort.
The blaring sirens tended to intrude upon the "silence" every now and then but all in all, it was a strong showing of cyclist solidarity and the cops did a good job keeping the post-rush hour traffic at a safe distance. Our former shipping hefe Mark Etzkorn was run over by a car 6 months ago, left in a ditch unconscious with a few broken vertebrae, shredded knee ligaments and a broken collarbone so this ride had a some import for us Hawley folk. In fact, lots of good people rode with the names of fallen riders written on helmets or taped on their back in remembrance. Click for some good footage from a local televisual news outfit... (pay no attention to some of the idiotic comments below the TV story. Also, another story from The State about local cyclist deaths finally being addressed in the courts. Once again, try and avoid the idiocy on display in the comments section!)
Thirdish, tomorrow is Hawley's annual Bike To Work Day. We're meeting at 8:30 AM then taking a leisurely ride through Lexington to the Hawley mothership for breakfast stuff (sic. food, beverage, lute recital, buffoonery of a jester variety). Bring a bicycle, a helmet and some sort of food-themed Primal Wear jersey. If you whisper the magic phrase in Michael Bronson's ear ("Hippy meat chili half off at Publix"), he'll make you a custom ceramic coffee cup!

Ride Of Silence

2010-05-19T12:51:00.002-04:00

Ugh, late notice but Columbia's Ride Of Silence is at 7:00 PM tonight. Meet at the Richland County Administration Building, 2020 Hampton Street for an easy paced, short route in honor of cyclists injured or killed on public roads. There's a post-ride chow down at El Burrito following the ride...

The Venerable BEAD?

2010-05-18T16:09:00.010-04:00

Mike Watt used to have a sign in the window of his tour van (The Boat) that said "Life is just a bowl of porkchops" [blog post 7-9-09] and for some reason, I though it a fitting title for Josh and Jose's ride. From Saturday's Tour De Midlands, in Joshie's words:
Well, there we were, just kinda rolling along without a care in the world, harmonizing on some super-fresh Boyz 2 Men a capella stylings when I heard a loud BANG! Instantly I clutched my chest and checked my palm for the telltale scarlet liquid and the white hot searing pain that usually accompanies assassin's gun shot wounds. Luckily, I was unscathed but to my right Jose was clutching HIS chest, in a "THIS IS THE BIG ONE, ELIZABETH I'M COMIN' TO SEE YOU!"-Fred Sanford sort of way as he rolled to a stop. Upon closer inspection with los ojos no less, Jose's Challenge road tire had blown a bead off the rim. Apparently, the bead chose the 30 mile mark of the ride to disintegrate into shreds.

We somehow got a hold of Tim from Cycle Center and he looked at Jose, then looked at Jose's shredded bead, then looked at Jose, then looked at a secluded patch of trees, then looked back at Jose, then looked at a clown wig, velvet blindfold and zip-loc bag of gravy, then looked at Jose, then Jose looked at me, beseechingly, then I looked at the secluded patch of trees and then back at Jose. Well, to make along story short, we got Jose on a Michelin Dynamic after some more haggling and signing of confidentiality agreements and he was able to finish the ride. Many thanks to Tim and many thanks to Jose for being a good sport. He insisted I come over, hang out and "scrapbook the night away" but I had to pretend I had some sort of serious appointment in the morning. God help me if he ever finds out I think his scrapbooking is borderine creep-tastic...

Tears, tears and screaming followed by whimpering:
Tim and Jose come to a "gentleman's agreement":

Tour De Midlands: The Centurian Candidate

2010-05-17T14:40:00.010-04:00

"Dude, say hello to my lil' friends"
Joshie, Jose and The Blog signed up for Saturday's Tour De Midlands. The Blog was signed up for the century, but with the Ritchey cross comp tires on, there was a certain reticence to going the "full monty" and the "metric monty" started to have greater and greater appeal. After taking a cursory glance at the cue sheet, it looked like the group would be together for a few miles until a decision was to be made. We rolled out and of course Jose was nowhere in sight. He had mumbled something about "bano" and "restocking the pond with some brown trout" earlier so we waited up for him as the teeming hoardes floated by. Oh, how they floated by like cigarette butts in a urinal trough until Jose finally rolled up looking about five to ten kilograms lighter.

We started pedaling and I took some pics and noticed some folks veering to the left. Hmmm. Well, turns out the parting of ways was about half a mile into the ride. The mind raced for a sec, laying out every possible thing that could go wrong and threw my hat into the century ring after a mental shrug of the shoulders. One water bottle, no food but at least 4 rest stops meant I should be OK. These charity rides are usually pretty lowkey and this was no exception. I took it easy, rolled along taking in the sights and chatting with slowpokes like myself. At around mile 30, I espied a giant turtle on the side of the road. She was flapping around in the dirt. I rolled over to her and she looked at me, frowned, then continued flailing. Looked like she was nesting, which was nuts because she was on the side of the road! After some habitat re-structuring, we agreed to part ways. Here is a picture of the turtle, she was intense:

After the turtle drama, it was big swoopy rollers to the town of Peak and the 40 mile rest stop. I re-filled my water bottle, slurped down another, ate half a granola bar and continued on. A lovely view of Parr Reservoir was contratsed with a not so lovely view of a "colorful character" knee deep in lake mud resetting some catfish poles. I saluted his valiant efforts and received a blank, Body Snatcher-like stare. "He would eat me if he could. I must re-double my pedaling efforts" After this scare, I met two fine gentlemen from Lexington who were also riding the century. We chatted about bicycle parts, retail versus online shopping, pros and cons. It was good to hear a "consumer" POV. After the "turn" back towards Lexington on New Hope Rd, the humidity started to pick up. Whew, this one water bottle thing was going to be quite a hassle. After some steepish out-of-the-saddle hills, we rolled into Little Mountain. Sensing a water refill station, I rode away from my companions and refreshed my bottle as an air raid siren was tested 50 yards away. Seriously, who needs to ride with an I-Pod when they can enjoy the melodious strains of Defcom 4 at 900 decibels. With shattered tympanums, I rode through Little Mountain and eventually hooked up with a rider named Vince.

We didn't chat much, just rode together, each feeling unusually rejuvenated in the heat, taking pulls and trying not to make eye contact. We were approaching the 70 mile rest stop and Vince needed his water bottles refilled in a major way. We turned right down Wheeland and 6 miles later, we came to the conclusion we had made a navigation error. Oh well! Looks like our 102 mile ride was going to be a wee bit longer! Vince didn't bellyache so The Blog also tried to stay positive (with murderous inner monologues). We rolled up to the rest stop where bottles were topped off and then it was off to the Mt Hebron cemetary rest stop. More uneventful riding with the occasional crazed lake driver. Oh the heat. It was mid-nineties by now and the sun was relentless, shining on us like, uh the sun?

Rolled up to Mt Hebron, refilled the sole water bottle and said "Hi" to Tim from Cycle Center. He seemed in good spirits for somebody who had generously sacrificed his Saturday to volunteer at a rest stop that was more ghost town than rest stop. I chatted with a gentleman in a longsleeve Ragbrai jersey. No offense to RAGBRAI, it's an amazing event and all, but why does everybody who completes it wear a RAGBRAI jersey at every other ride/race? I would rather see a hundred 24 Hours of Booty kits for every RABRAI jersey. A 24 Hours Of Booty kit...

What is RAGBRAI? A two wheeled Burning Man on wheels tearing a path through sleepy Iowa towns? Is this a topic better suited for a Bike Snob NYC message board discussion? Anyhoo, after bidding adieu to the old crank obviously suffering from heat exhaustion, I turned onto S-32-413, St Paul Church Rd, up some steep ones and then onto Highway 1 for the conclusion. Hooray. It was over and not a moment too soon. My ear drums were blasted (but no I-Pod was worn all day), my skin was burned, my pupils were dilated, my undercarriage chafed, my feet kinda sore but it was a great ride for a great cause. Oh yeah, Jose's tire blew up on him. More on that tomorrow!

Monday Morning Freshness

2010-05-17T10:36:00.001-04:00

Local trails ala cx from Andy Wardman on Vimeo.

Shoulder Alert!

2010-05-14T13:11:00.006-04:00

By the power of Gray Skull! There are some strange things afoot on the lower Lexington commuter route. A particularly dangerous but short (1/3 of a mile) section of Bradley Dr is showing the telltale signs of a shoulder widening/expansion. One would like to think it's the months and months of commuting on said portion of road, months and months of irritated drivers taking a wide birth around a cyclist and then months and months of complaints to local governance about said cyclist slowing their drive home by an unreasonable 15 seconds. Perhaps the cycling stars aligned themselves just right? That being said, The Blog is glad he drove pedicabs in Mogadishu for all those years to prepare himself for the raw, unrelenting, unreasonable, pave-esque quality of the shoulder in its current condition. Just cuz it's darker than the rest of the road doesn't mean the asphalt is that much smoother, cuz it ain't but hey, it's a start!

(New shoulder on Bradley keeps us safe so we can ride Sausage to work! Hooray!)
By the way, a fairly large contingent of Hawley-ites are doing the Tour De Midlands tomorrow. Even BRANTLEY is doing the metric century, on a velocipede! Come on out and support a good ride that benefits a good cause. Joshie training for the century last night at the burrito ride...

Vague Rants On The Horizon

2010-05-13T08:03:00.003-04:00

Friend of Hawley and all around "good person" (why is THAT in quotes?), Rachael Kefalos of the Palemtto Cycling Coaliton will be interviewed by Dyana Daniels on "Your Day" at noon today. The show is available on all NPR radio stations throughout the state. Rachael is going to be discussing National Bike Month and the generalization of Hopf algebras in locally compact quantum groups. Is this the show where you can call in and ask about which bug is eating your okra plants or is that something else all together?

Tour De Reminder

2010-05-12T16:17:00.003-04:00

First, two quotes about cycling:
"The bicycle is the most civilized conveyance known to man. Other forms of transport grow daily more nightmarish. Only the bicycle remains pure in heart. -Iris Murdoch, "The Red And The Green"
"There's gonna be a lot of slow singing and flower bringing if my burglar alarm starts ringing" -Miguel Indurain, "A Life Unloved: A Fully-Illustrated Erotic Guide To The Basque Region"

Just a quick heads up folks. The aptly titled Tour De Midlands is this Saturday. In addition to providing much needed fundage for Lexington Greenways Alliance, this ride is a great way to see where you're at "shape-wise" as Summer rears its ugly, sweat-soaked head. The Blog looks forward to vomiting all OVER and INSIDE his bibs and perhaps on anybody within a six foot radius during the 72 mile ride. There are also 15, 32 and 102 options well. Big ups to Hawley customers Bike To Nature and Outspokin' Bicycles for lending a much-needed hand with sponsorship and sag efforts. Their help and commitment were integral to making this event happen. Be sure to stop by and purchase a few dozen bikes next time you're in town. Tell 'em Bloggy sent ya and then ask them if they still sell that barf remover scrub (CLTH1025) made by Nathan. Also, make sure to say hi to the inside sales department's very own Michael Bronson and Troy Whelan as they toe the line on the 102 mile ride. Huzzah fellas!

Notes From The Underground: Joshie and Jose's Excellent Adventure

2010-05-11T11:51:00.008-04:00

Joshie and Jose went to Day 2 of the IMBA Summit after The Blog's forceful expulsion from Thursday's afternoon session (big thumbs up to the city of Augusta's SWAT team. You guys were totally professional). They didn't get any funky-fresh t shirts or mesh caps or anything schwaggish but they did get a free lunch, tons of good info from the day's sessions and a chance to SIT next to a man who looked suspiciously like Hans Rey. According to Joshie, Jose wouldn't quit talking to him. Blah blah blibbity blah-blah-blah for 20 minutes. Hans excused himself, politely, and as he walked away Jose leaned over to Joshie and whispered "Who the heck was that?" Here are some nuggets and factoids gleaned from Joshie and Jose's notes...

(The Bike Polo lobby was in full force. Rumor has it they've hired Grover Norquist)-60 million dollars gets you 300 miles of bike pathways for every one mile of freeway (yes, but how many lanes?!)
-Communities want trails to make them more "livable".
-Trails attract businesses concerned with employee quality of life.
-Trail riding is less nerve wracking than road riding, thus perhaps a better way to get non-cyclists on bicycles?
-Gateway!
-Snail and slug racing is illegal in Puerto Rico.
-The wacky Canadian IMBA representatives drove their new Subaru all the way from Canada in a day and a half, but forgot their mountain bike shoes!

-"Vicious Cycle" doodle in Joshie's notebook with the following: More recreational cycling builds a better bike culture. Better bike culture boosts community cycling. Boost in community cycling boosts political will. Boost in political will boosts cycling infrastructure projects like pathways, trails, etc.
-Chattanooga drops a singletrack manifesto, minus the communism. Shaboom!
-Relationship between Industry and Advocacy.
-Luncheon consisted of food prepared by a catering company owned by Chris Eigeman who played Lionel Herkabe on "Malcolm In The Middle"!

-Specialized Bikes' Dealer Grant Program focuses on Youth (youngin's), Access, Wellness and Sustainable Transportation. "Specialized got it going on" (Jose's words)
-Check out the Aquaduct Mobile Filtration Vehicle
-"Ride your bike. Get organized. Show up and ask. Dream Big."
-Hans Rey: Who the heck was THAT?

IMBA Summit, Thoughts, Nuggets...

2010-05-10T15:08:00.010-04:00

So much was learned and then promptly forgotten at last week's IMBA World Summit. Where to start? First thing learned, Augusta is a treacherously foggy town. Driving is deadly; invest in a driver, preferably a limousine with some sort of glass partition to separate you from his or her subversive, proletariat-centric chatter. Second, Dave Wiens is taller in person and instead of speaking, he communicates with short, high pitched bursts of sounds. Third, Mafia Racing's Spencer Powlison has a handshake than can crush cue balls into fine powder and is also part of the IMBA team. Fourth, there is soooooo much information being delivered to you, whether in a keynote address, seminar, pamphlet, book, etc that it can be somewhat overwhelming. That being said, there were several nuggets of wisdom gleaned from the day's proceedings...

-Sram and IMBA are the same age: 22.
-Sram made 335 million in mountain bike revenue.
-Sram's Mike Mercuri's nickname is Merc.
-IMBA and the National Parks Service have partnered until 2015 (predicted year of the world ending so any partnership afterwards would be moot).
-Phil from Chain Reaction Cycles has a beautiful, luxurious head of hair.
-1.2 billion dollars has been set aside this year for cycling and pedestrian funding.
-In my notes, I wrote "Could this guy eat his cereal any louder? Come on!" during the keynote address breakfast.
-Tom Sauret, SORBA excutive director has a speaking voice made for an NPR call-in show. Come on people, let's give "On Point" host Tom Ashbrook the heave ho in favor of the sugary sweet dulcetry of TS!
-Successful trail fund-raising tip: Leadership teams must donate money to encourage corporate fund matching. "Have skin in the game", like Ice T in this pleasant little romp.-Coca Cola doesn't donate money for trails.
-Corporations make "marketing investments", not donations.
-Naming trails after significant donors can be controversial.
-Quantifiable proof to show a trail's usage helps secure local government help and funding while showing which trails get usage and which don't. Enter, stage right, the TRAFX system! -When running a race as a trail fundraiser, "variabilize" as much of your cost structure while minimizing fixed costs.
-Small town economies can benefit greatly from races and trails. Destination tourism people! Would anybody ever visit Brevard, NC voluntarily? (apologies to the residents of Brevard)
-Jeremy Wimpey is super cereal about recreation ecology. Super cereal.
-The "Stacked Loop Trail System" provides a diverse trail experience in a limited space.

-TTFs are viewed in a negative light by non-cyclsits.
-TTF stands for technical trail feature.
-The Wilson Seney report shows hikers and cyclists have the same impact on soil displacement. Horses and Motorcycles have much harsher impacts on trails. Basically, if you want to ruin a trail as fast as possilbe, train horses how to ride motorcycles, motorcycles with tank treads, in the rain.
-Formal trail failure leads to informal trails sprouting up.
-The Cane Creek merch booth smelled like a used baby diaper, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. Their giant pet kitty Cerberus is a handful!
-Subaru's booth had a grass roof.
-The Blog considered showing up for the FATS group ride on a Specialized cross bike but something or someone nipped the idea in the bud! Maybe next year.

IMBA: Trail Nerds, ASSEMBLE!

2010-05-07T10:10:00.004-04:00

Indeed, much assembling was had at this year's IMBA Summit. Like Voltron, the various parts of the mountain bike community (industry, trail, land management, racers, grandmothers, CHUDs) assembled at an undisclosed Augusta Marriott (don't even think about getting your parking validated) to roll up the proverbial sleeves and get down to "bizness". More on that Monday, but here's some footage of Drew Jordan, son of one Andy Jordan, proprietor of one Andy Jordan's Bikesplosion (or is it Warehouse?) in Augusta, GA totally shreddin' the gnar at the new North Augusta pump track. Drew's tireless efforts made this track possible for the public to ride. Now that's bicycle altruism for ya. In addition, Drew is one of the nicest huckers you'll ever meet!

Coffiend

2010-05-05T15:27:00.005-04:00

Holy moley people. For those of you who don't know, the Blog has been without a "proper" French press for almost a month now. Thanks to the generosity of an office mate and shadowy financial backer, I was supplied with a loaner, the French press equivalent of a 2 door mini. Well folks, things are back to "normal" and I'm back in my faithful 4 door sedan, otherwise known as the Bodum Brazil Cafetiere. 8 cups of righteous coffee goodness were prepared at Coffee Station Zebra with enough caffeine to kill a polar bear. The retinas dilated, the heartrate accelerated to hummingbird levels, the fingers shook uncontrollably and the office turned into that weird tunnel thing at the end of "2001". In a word, it was the greatest morning ever.

FOOD2004, Jittery Joe's "Morning Ride" waiting for an infusion of hot water...
The pulverized, coarse grounds...
Doesn't that bloom look appetizing? Nummers! Deep within it lies the unspeakable secrets...
SHABOOM! And yes, this was the mug Ian "borrowed" from me for 6 months in 2009. This only gets me to normal people...

Proclamations Galore

2010-05-04T14:51:00.003-04:00

Confusion...

2010-05-04T09:16:00.003-04:00

Highlights and Lowlights

2010-05-03T14:25:00.014-04:00

Yakov Smirnov, who was also Jean Reno's stunt double in "The Professional" after this weeekend's World Cup race...
First of all, for those of you locals who didn't show up for yesterday's showing of "Beauty And The Bike" and "Contested Streets", you missed two excellent documentaries. Lots of beautiful images in the first film and lots of knowledge dropping in the second one. For those of you who didn't show up for the Tour De Cure ride on Saturday, you missed out. Lots of hammer dropping from Hawleyites Joshie and Jose and Rachael from PCC. Well done lads.

A modest headtube length espied on this Moots (thanks Rachael)....Is Jose rocking a WOOL Storck jersey? Odelay!For those of you who missed out on PMBAR, lots of good tales from one of the best mountain bike races in the known universe. Here's perennial baller Rich's wrap-up, his partner's horrible post race debacle, Hawley chum Toby's partner's write-up, Jonathan's trenchant synopsis and a random write-up with a different perspective. Hopefully Brado was there capturing the suffering in digital image glory. And finally for those of you who have not been to Lexington Avenue Brewey in Asheville, the future is here and it's called The Dyson Hand Dryer and ROASTED BEET SLICES!!! Holy moley. The Blog's head is still spinning from the lack of bike riding while soooo much riding was going on this weekend...

Burrito Night Success, Fail

2010-04-30T10:39:00.006-04:00

Thursday night, the Schwinn cruisers were freed from their holding pens and the local burrito establishments were alerted to our imminent arrival. We came in force this time with numbers anywhere between ten and one thousand. There's a scene from a Simpsons episode where I think a rampaging horde of Homer clones sweeps through a cornfield and devour everything, including the lower half of farmer Gil's torso leaving behind a skeleton. Well, that pretty much sums up last night's burrito festivities. Complete domination. A murderous horde rampaging thorugh the streets similar to Manny Fraker's gang in "Death Wish 3" but with more murderous explosions but less whimsy. On the ride back, Josh outsprinted everybody up the Cypress Street hill in a Cavendish display of power (including the rude hand gesture). He destroyed his chain which is odd because 30 seconds before it happened, The blog could be heard chiding him, "If you keep hammering like that, you're going to break your chain!" As sure as the sun rises, Joshie will break cruiser chains. It is written, in stone, with a laser.... from the future. Remember folks, the company that burritos together stays together. Have a frank and productive weekend. That is all.

Conversational pariah Patrick Augustine....

"Cinema is the most beautiful fraud in the world!"

2010-04-29T11:58:00.007-04:00

Rachael at Palmetto Cycling Coalition sent word about this a while back, but it's only now that The Blog has gotten around to posting it. Sorry about that RK Rolling! Anyhoo, The Nickelodeon, Columbia's only theater for movies that don't involve blue bug-eyed weirdos in 3d or 1980's horror movie villains that weren't particularly menacing in the first place but are resuscitated for a demograph who weren't even born when these movies were in theaters which in turn makes The Blog feel a million years old (otherwise known as 1.5 Brantleys) is showing not one but TWO cycling related films this coming Sunday. "Contested Streets" examines NYC before automobiles and the possibilities of street reclamation while "Beauty and The Bike" examines why British girls stop cycling and its larger ramifications for transportation and cycling in general. The documentaries start at 2 PM sharp. Free bike valet and some giveaways will entice you inside while a post-screening panel discussion will keep you around. The Blog is still in negotiations with Rachael about my "seat post combat Octagon Of Death featuring Michael Bronson" exhibition in the Nickelodeon's parking lot. Details to follow... In a part related heads up, Gran Compe hubs have started trickling into the warehouse. As Brian pointed out, not the thickest flange, but buttery smooth bearings and relatively light weight. A little bevel on the edge of the flange takes unnecessary tension off your j bend spoke. Proper. The "blue" listed in the catalog is actually closer to a "aqua" or "turquoise". Oh wait, this is veering towards freaking "Avatar" isn't it? Isn't it?!?!Fresh ole bevel....

Hammer Of The Gods, Basement Of The Parents

2010-04-28T09:49:00.009-04:00

In the world of Dungeons and Dragons, The Axe Of Dwarvish Lords first appeared in the supplement book Eldritch Wizardry. Forged long ago in the D&D world by a dwarvish king then subsequently lost in the Invoked Devastation and Rain Of Colorless Fire, the player who possesses it has all the powers of "sword sharpness". Additionally it confers on its user the keen eyesight and senses of the dwarven race, an ability to teleport at intervals and a weekly "wish" spell. The Blog likes its doubled critical hit chance in addition to its use as a throwing weapon. An added bonus is its extra damage inflicted upon goblinoid opponents, like that guy who worked at Foot Locker in high school that was one year older than you but looked like that weird nordic man-child from "Coach". Similar to IT Department Phil's mouse pad of infinite enchantment and whimsy, it does have negative effects on the user. Most notably, the user's appearance becomes more dwarflike (facial hair, girth, shrinking height, an uncontrollable desire to strangle Warwick Davis) the longer he or she is in possession of the Axe Of Dwarvish Lords. With this in mind brave warrior and Dorito-addicted social outcast, perhaps one should eschew the axe in favor of the hammer... OF PARK (TOOL63772)! Available only in "Horde Campaign Setting", Book of Artifacts, Encyclopedia Magica Volume 2.

Redesigned ergo grip keeps even the clovenest of hooves firmly attached during operation:

The dual material battle-head is made of non-enchanted rubber on one side for battling hobgoblins, kobolds, trolls and djinni while the Wisconsonian-forged steel side is effective against wraiths, manticores, chimeras, hippogriffs and rust monsters. Strength points can be lost if used against lycanthropes and displacer beasts. As with all hammers, both sides work with equal deadliness against cockney bootblacks.

The Hammer Of Park (TOOL63772) has been completely redesigned for shop paladins this year so acquaint thyself with its lustrous craftsmanship. Battle scabbard and orc gore remover/cleaner not included. The only shop hammer endorsed by level six cleric/wizard Jose Texidor. Once more into the britches!

To find out what D&D character YOU are, take this simple 126 question survey: http://easydamus.com/character.html

Props, Of The "Mad" Variety

2010-04-27T14:57:00.012-04:00

First of all, The Hawley Blog's road racing buddy, the Portuguese Man of War, Tiago Machado, brought the pain and finished a cracking 39th out of 159 at the Tour Of Romandie prologue. Tiago is representin' for the Radioshack crew this season in Europe so let's all wish him the best. We have no idea how to speak Portugeuse so we'll leave it to our rudimentary Italian: In bocca al lupo! (figuratively, not literally). Win a stage and there's an Eleven81 tri bag stuffed with rancid Sport Beans in your future...

Before he joined the red, strapless dress wearers ("Cycle Sport" words, not mine) of Radioshack, we knew him in the unmistakable checkerboard kit of Team Right Said Fred...
Second of all, big thanks to our friend Katy at Hayes Brakes for the wonderful blue whale letter opener (it's like she knew one of The Blog's favorite books is "Moby Dick", kismet!). Great for openin' friendly correspondences, final notices, subpoenas and cease & desists, but even better for delicately cutting through Singleworks zip ties on saddle packaging. If you get a spare moment, feel free to peruse the stomping ground of her beloved Team Pegasus. They are good, honest, hardworking bicycle folk with a penchant for racing and an appreciation of the finer things in life. Also, be sure to ask Teenwolf in sales what Katy got HIM.
Thirdly, please acquaint thyself with George's new Pake cruiser (BIKE2000) with the necessary accouterments for dandying about town. A few mods here, a few mods there, a few mods here. It's that easy folks...
The black Singleworks cork grip (GRIP0532) replaces the stock brown...
Black Gyes saddlebag with brass buckles (BAGS1602) for assorted bobbles and trinkets...
The heavy duty yet elegant Soma Deco rack (RACK1200)! Michael Dorn, Star Trek the Next Generation's Worf says "I whole heartedly endorse this product and/or charity. Klingons rule."
Soma's Silver Bullet tail light (LITE6200) keeps the cruiser sufficiently retro while alerting traffic...
Eleven81 alloy pedals (PED6182) replace the plastic stock pedals. Nuthin' fancy...
An oft overlooked detail, the kickstand. We recommend the best kickstand in the world, KICK1005 from Greenfield, the leader in kickstand research and development.

Comeuppance

2010-04-23T14:09:00.002-04:00

Well, The Blog has been inundated with emails, mostly of the hateful variety, concerning this lid versus lidless basket controversy, but I never thought the back stab would come from a family member! From The Blog's sister's email:

"I gave Jane (The Blog's eldest sister) my rectangular Nantucket because I missed the extra couple of inches of the oval basket, which is the same problem with the lidded baskets -- even though they are quite lovely, they’re too small."

Et tu, Brute? All right, play us out of here Airwolf-era Jan Michael Vincent...

Nantucket Basquiat, Part Deux

2010-04-22T10:01:00.005-04:00

Well, Bloggie, you make some very interesting points. I certainly don't want Old Man Peterson to shred my happy new family of kittens, but allow me to retort.

Let's move this scenario a little closer to a large body of water. Perhaps you are riding along your favorite coastal battery with your new litter of kitties. Of course, they wouldn't know because they are sealed away, not allowed to enjoy the beauty and fresh ocean breeze of your coastal jaunt thanks to your lid equipped prison basket. As you gaze out into the calming surroundings, enjoying your cruise, you are unaware of the inhumanity you are about to commit. Suddenly, a perilous pelican, who oddly enough looks like Old Man Peterson himself, swoops by heading out to sea. Instinctively you swerve away from the winged creature, but only to have your bike roll through the battery barrier, as it is the only spot that is under construction for miles and does not currently have a railing but merely "caution tape."

MEOW!
Meow!
meow

Oh the humanity. Your poor, poor litter of kittens locked away in a basket cage, sink to their lidded abyss, unable to escape and you are left, floating in the cold ocean of anguish and despair.

now dear gentle reader, the blog does not deserve such an unrelenting rant as well, but please lets not cage items in a basket. kittens and small goods deserve to be free and enjoy the open air. Please people, let's show this Blog Ostrogoth basket lids are dangerous and open baskets are the safer, nay, the humane choice when it comes to cruiser accessorizing. Meow.

Nantucket Basquiat

2010-04-21T16:43:00.010-04:00

Have we not learned anything from PET FOOD advertising shown during episodes of "Lost"?!

[Not to go on endlessly about a stupid basket but...]

Gotta address something from this morning.What's with all the basket lid naysayers around here? George? Joshie? These knuckleheads and their completely unfounded dislike for baskets with lids??? Open basket fetishists! I don't mean to "call out" anyone or shine the harsh light of bicycle part truthiness on the teeming hordes, but baskets with lids are the best thing to happen to Hawley since Spiced Pumpkin Pie Clif bars (now 20 percent less diarrhea-inducing). Here's the thing these philistines are missing. Not only does the lid keep things from jumping out of your basket, but it keeps nosey cyclerazzi from peering INTO your basket and silently judging you based on the contents (which may or may not include the May issue of "Cat Fancy" or a similarly named but totally different in subject matter periodical). What happens if you just adopted a litter of kittens, and you put them in your LIDLESS basket and then some flop-eared neighborhood halfwit darts out in front of you chasing a ball of some sort, and as you screech to a halt the momentum launches the kittens into the air and hurls them directly into the whirring maw of Old Man Peterson's wood chipper, which just happens to be running in his front yard 'cuz he's got a lot of dead branches and then the air is filled with the anguished screams of kittens?!?!?!?! Do you want THAT to happen? Are you a sadist? Do you want to scar that neighborhood halfwit forever? What about Old Man Peterson? DID I MENTION HE JUST HAD A PACEMAKER INSTALLED?!?!?! Of course not. Please people, let's show these Visigoths like George and Josh that basket lids are the superior, nay, the SAFER choice when it comes to cruiser accessorizing. In addition to this totally unjustified rant against two of the nicest people you'll encounter in the bicycle universe, one of the nicest companies in the bicycle Universe, Chrome, mailed us our "Turds For Gold" sneakers. For one day back in March, you could mail in a pair of your dingiest tenny pumps and get a free pair of Chrome sneakers for free. Over 5000 pairs of donated shoes were collected and distributed through the San Francisco chapter of St. Vincent De Paul and Soles4Souls. Hooray for Chrome and their altruism!

On a final note, speaking of altruism torch bearers, City Year is bringing a group of middle school students to Harbison State Forest THIS Saturday to help with some much needed trail maintenance. Any and all are invited to attend. Mad Trailage starts at 9:00 AM and ends around noon. Check out the good PCC folk's event calendar for phone numbers, details, etc....

Nantucket Basket Theater...

2010-04-20T16:11:00.014-04:00

Nantucket Basket's Miacomet features a Khan-friendly lid, Kirk-proof leather handlebar straps, Sulu-esque brass buckles and neuron-gobbling earwigs for both young and old. Large enough for a severed Spock head, but small enough to not overburden the front end of your favorite cruiser... Inquire within....... our sales department!

First Burrito Ride of 2010; Pake Urban Cruiser Sighting

2010-04-16T13:18:00.010-04:00

Hawley makes first burrito ride for year of 2010. There was much happy time on bicycle last night. For the having of beer and food with then the bluegrass musicing. The riding was enjoy and many smiles make for faces! Front gauntlet keeper Marcie, new purchaser Patrick Augustine and Karen make the debut on Burrito Ride. They do well! Weekend have much leisure! Yes? Yes?

Kelly riding the new Pake Urban Cruiser (BIKE2001) WITH Nantucket Basket Company "frontspiece". This is tha chronic! Fender integrated rear reflector is nothing short of the best thing in the cycling world for 2010.
Michael's uber-impressive trackstand on his Pugsley (yawn!!!!)

Something Almost "Bike" Related

2010-04-15T16:35:00.012-04:00

Sales manimal Teenwolf goes through mountain bikes like most people go through Kleenex. His latest addition is a plucky lil' OIZ Orbea he has named Alejandro Bocadillo in an allusion to its Spanish lineage and love of New World colonization. Still light-headed from this Double Down nonsense and buffoonery, The Blog can only show photos of the diabolica malicia in all its built-up glory...

Flatbar cockpit...
Plenty of rear tire clearance...
Paper thin!

Form-fitting chainstay protector...
Strategic water bottle cages obscure bike's name!
Not too shabby Teeny!!!

Fortune Favors The Brave: A Bib Short With A Poop Flap?

2010-04-14T15:30:00.008-04:00

Or is it, "Discretion is the better part of valor"?
It's funny, The Blog has been reading a lot of post-Double Down recaps online. Lots of brilliant observations with a few that seem to miss the "purpose" of eating a Double Down but for the most part, top shelf reporting. Most, however, only concentrate on the actual eating of the Double Down. First impressions, reactions, etc. Very few deal with the aftermath of eating a Double Down.

Each Double Down is packaged in its own bag to prevent them from mating, like Tribbles and subsequently ravaging the countryside in a wake of ectoplasmic bacon grease...
Well gentle reader, wonder no more. I shall work backward like that lovely little romp "Memento" and regale you with a tale of horror from my bathroom around five thirty this morning. I awoke feverish with a patina of glistening sweat on my forehead. My baby was kicking with reckless abandon in my stomach until I realized I wasn't pregnant. (Late Edit; Management). "The horror, the horror" was whispered as I passed out on the cool tile floor of the bathroom. The Blog had received a premonition from beyond the grave pertaining to this morning's "battle" based on an phantasmagorical William Blake-styled dream I had the preceding night before. Basically, I was Billy Crystal's character in "Running Scared" and a zombie version of Gregory Hines was force feeding me cube-sized bits of Double Down as he sang Steve Miller's "Jungle Love" sotto voce while a filth covered Colonel Sanders rubbed his hands together and laughed maniacally in the background. Yeah, it was weird, but the subtext was clear. Preceding this most unsettling of unsettling dreams, The Blog's tummy felt like a beehive alllll afternoon. It was a constant, buzzing hive of sharp, pain. I knew I was in trouble. The ride home was especially disconcerting as the only thought running through the head was "These bibs aren't going to come off quick enough. If I try and rip them off, they'll only stretch. Just close your eyes and think happy thoughts if it happens. Let adrenaline take over and just pedal standing up... then jump in the Congaree River." The Blog had no idea the Double Down would shred his insides so thoroughly. It's the perfect, human-engineered killing machine that has turned against its human creators. A culinary Rutger Hauer.

Speaking of killing machines, in order to get to the KFC, receiving wunderkind, bon vivant and mutton-chopped Lothario, Chris Maret was gracious enough to chauffeur us in his PT Cruiser. Chris drives like your typical Massachusetts native: A mixture of Steve McQueen and Speed Racer, both in the throes of a meth binge the day before the earth is to be struck by an asteroid. Chris also chats like your typical Massachusetts native. The topics came fast and furious: Pirelli Tires, Junk Shop Tetanus Shots, Ant-Filled Alice Cooper Records, The Rarity Of Blackberry Slushees, Paris Honeymoons, "Buffalo 66", Vincent Ghallo's Inexplicable Aversion To Jewish Hobbits (seriously), Greek Food Masquerading As Italian Food, Cop Shoot Outs, Moog Synthesizer Pricing: English Vesus American and The Inadequacy Of Live Neil Diamond Performances. These topics were touched upon in a span of 15 minutes. You can ask Chris OR Josh, who rode in the back just trying to keep up. In fact, the ride to KFC was almost as intense as the Double Downs themselves. In
conclusion, the Double Down will completly dominate the lower half of your body with extreme prejudice. Iron stomach? Titanium stomach? DARK MATTER STOMACH??? You can't win. Just remember these words that were shouted by the KFC employee who took our three Double Down orders" "GIMME SIX FRIED CHICKEN BREASTS!!!!"

Here is a list of 10 awesome pre-death monologues that you TOO can repeat before you eat this abomination: READ ME

Colonic Holding Pattern

2010-04-13T10:31:00.007-04:00

The bane of my morning commute existence: The Wheat Street/USC train crossing, at 6:29 AM. It's like it's reading my mind. If I leave early, the train is early. I f I leave late, the train is late.

Rode into work today to clear my mind of the flotsam and jetsam of the modern bicycle industry life and all I could think of was the Double Down. Couldn't focus. My mind was racing, like a hummingbird scuba diving in a barrel of espresso. A train downtown delayed me for a few minutes and its rambunctious, restless, rhythmic rumbling reminded me of my colon's own future rhythmic rumblings after this afternoon's Double "downing". Two shall enter the culinary octagon, but only one can leave, according to KFC's helpful pamphlet, "So You Want To Kill Yourself: How To Order and Eat A Double Down". I rode by the KFC in 3 Fountains around 7:15 AM and unbelievably, the doors were not open! Even more unbelievable, nobody was standing in line. No tents. No drum circles of Double Down enthusiasts, much like the Ribwich hippies from that Simpsons episode. Oh well, what's a few more hours wait???

Double Downer: Profiles in Courage

2010-04-12T15:41:00.007-04:00

(NBC's "Manimal", now in High Definition, after "The Office")
There's nothing to write about today people. Absolutely, positively nothing. I had a quaint little tale of an encounter with a Copperhead while riding the beloved Jaqcues Lobster on the Palmetto Trail (long story short: mistook aforementioned Copperhead for stick and almost ran over it. Doubled back to examine the Copperhead and then suddenly remembered how deathly afraid I am of Copperheads and almost soiled my already sweat-soiled bibs with something a little more density, a little more colonular) but that is inconsequential. It matters not one wit.

Hawley carrying the new Pake six speed urban cruisers? Trifling, banal, jejune, frivolous (well actually, it's quite awesome as Pake has basically taken the Copenhagen-styled city bike and given it a few North American tweaks to make it street ready in American climes like Birmingham Alabama, Newark New Jersey, Stockton California and the always glamorous Batavia, NY for those sophisticates who must pedal in their latest tweed finery or seersucker ensemble).

What about the fact that at 1 in the morning, I received one of the strangest interrogative text messages ever written (And yes, I think WE all know the show was "Barney Miller" but why would The Rudeness ask such a question and why would The Blog be friends with somebody called The Rudeness and why does The Blog own what appears to be the first cell phone ever made?). Poppycock!

None of this matters because KFC unleashed the Double Down from its titanium, King Kong-like restraints upon a suspecting if not wary public. Josh and Chris Maret have promised to buy one with the Blog tomorrow. We shall consume them for lunch and ride the cosmic dream rainbow to lands and worlds only dreamed about... in song. Crank up the Floyd. Free laserium!

You'll Rue The Day You Missed Paris Roubaix

2010-04-09T09:50:00.004-04:00

Thank the maker it's Friday. Last night's thunderstorms blew through "with tha quickness" (to borrow a snippet from the local vernacular) so hopefully the local trails aren't destroyed as The Blog has a hankering to ride some dirt on his new tubeless American Classic 29er wheels. Although with the slew of bogs littering the trails last weekend, one can only assume the worse for the trails after last night's rain. A road/dirt road ride may be in order? Or should those plans be chucked instead for "steady lounging" followed by "cold chillin" and a little Paris Roubaix viewing? Oh yes, the mother of all Classics is this Sunday and the smart money is on either Cancellara or Boonen. Boonen will be hungry for redemption (to steal a Versus tagline), but unless Cancellara's energon cube reserve is depleted or what's left of his human heart in his cyborg body suddenly has a Schwarzenegger like moment of clarity and quits the race in order to protect a teenage John Connors from a cyborg sent from the future, there is no way the Swiss Miss can lose. Here are some Paris Roubaix moving images with infernal rackets to dazzle the eyes and befuddle the mind. You have been warned:

Paris Roubaix 1981
Uploaded by blogdenikkos. -

Paris-Roubaix 1972
Uploaded by blogdenikkos. -

Here's a taste of some of the most explosive, manic, finger-cramping, mind-altering accordion playing you've ever heard...

Paris Roubaix à fond la caisse accordéon
Uploaded by aandre_danyel. -

paris roubaix
Uploaded by ralkoff. -

No Time For A Post!

2010-04-08T18:07:00.008-04:00

We've been furiously building the soon-to-be released in house brand catalog today so post time has been at a premium. The Blog can only alert you to things of interest. First of all, Giorgio has done it again and listened to the masses (which could be farts, for you "Double Nickels On The Dime" fans). In his infinite wisdom, the Paul single finger E-Levers and the Royal Flush track crankset. Huzzah!Second item of interest, Rock Hill Spring Bicycle Classic pandemonium for you Rock Hillbillies and Queen City dandies. Joshie is considering doing the Friday night sprint contest. YES!!!

Crit-ique

2010-04-07T09:40:00.004-04:00

We interrupt your regularly scheduled blogcast to bring you a few pics from the local TNWC. it was pollentastic! enjoy! (pics)

Grim Portents of Impending Stomach Death

2010-04-06T09:46:00.007-04:00

During the winter, you may remember elevated internet-chatter levels of a rumored KFC creation called the Double Down. After consultations and several high level meetings with their legal staff, KFC have "doubled down" on the Double Down, have gone "all in" so to speak in the "world's worst idea" sweepstakes and are introducing this abomination to the entire nation. There's no turning back now, as of April 12th, the Colonel shall have his revenge upon us all, from beyond the grave... By the way, Cane Creek is offering up single Interlok headset spacers (2.5mm, 5mm, 10mm) in all their colorful glory for those of you needing that extra touch of "custom". These work with the patented (?) Interloks or non-interloks just in case you were wonderin'...

900 Year Old Jedi Seeks Same For "Just Hanging Out" and Possibly More, No Sith

2010-04-05T15:34:00.010-04:00

First of all, a final update on Colin versus Monster Energy drink. It appears Mr. Tice fought valiantly but when the dust settled, there were a few ounces left in the grain silo-sized can so legally speaking, we must categorize his effort as an "energy drink FAIL" which was bittersweet, both literally and metaphorically! Shoulders slumped in dejection, ocular fluid pooling at the corners of his eyelids, breathing consumptive with a hint of wheezy embarrassment, Colin packed up his office decorations and bid us farewell in accordance with the gentlemanly rules of office energy drinking. We shall all miss Colin and his "I've never met a challenge I can't be talked into" attitude and his "I've never met a demograph I can't mercilessly ridicule" sense of humor. If you're working at one of his former shops and feel an urge to call him just for old time's sake harassment, rumor has it he's dropped anchor (NOT a gastrointestinal euphemism) at a certain outfitter in the upstate of South Carolina.

Riding home last week, The Blog noticed two things. First: A sack of flimsy Santa Claus caps lying in a gully. Where did these caps come from? Why now, so close to Easter? What could this mean for our already weakened economy? After a quick recon (an office building window across the street was already full of slack-jawed secretaries watching the weirdo in the spandex), not wanting to anger the commuter gods, the random bag was left in its place, minus one crummy (I mean super-crummy) Santa cap to commemorate the bizarro discovery. To the victor go the spoils!

Then rounding a turn in West Columbia, this commuter bike was espied parked in front of the SC Autism building. It was blinged out with the requisite fenders, panniers, rack (with built-in tailight), pseudo leather saddle and grips, and bell. Stopping to take a photo, the owner nervously walked out and told me about the bike. He had purchased it from a local bike shop instead of buying online. Hooray! Even though it's a Specialized Global and doesn't have single part we carry on its frame, he seemed satisfied with the help the IBD's staff offered as this was his first bicycle purchase in quite a while. I mentioned a possible horn upgrade in his future and the "way awesomer" Schwalbe Fat Frank creme commuter tires (TIRE6790). He seemed to "tire" of my blathering as he nervously fidgeted the trigger of his already drawn revolver, but that my gentle reader is a post for another day, for another blog, called "Dueling Afficiando: I Demand Satisfaction"?

Crimony, get a load of that pannier width! Widthidity!
Even the kickstand is a Specialized. Sheesh.

Fare thee well...

2010-04-02T09:21:00.003-04:00

Colin has started his Monster energy drink challenge this morning. We were going to update his status every 30 seconds but the office is a whirlwind of activity right now. Has anybody seen my TPS or JDS reports? Anyhoo, Colin has started off strong. He took a few healthy-sized gulps and appears to be focused and confident. His pupils are NOT dilated and his bowel functions seem to be operating "normally"...

"Total Eclipse Of The Heart" Flowchart

2010-04-01T09:35:00.008-04:00

Have trouble remembering the lyrics/stanza form of "Total Eclipse Of The Heart"? Perhaps this will be of some service (courtesy of Hawley's administrative assistant). Good to see they got the Croon/Belt placement spot on. Gotta get this thing laminated and duct taped in the shower asap. For some reason, I always get hung up on "tired of listening to the sound of my tears", panic and end up on the chorus prematurely...

In other news, Colin and Michael play a particularly inspired yet destructive game of warehouse Jenga with empty 1181 helmet boxes. "Construct it to the heavens! Curse your oily hide, I want it higher, higher!!! I want it blotting out the SUN!!!!" was heard echoing throughout the shipping department.

A Word From Pearl Izumi

2010-04-01T08:54:00.000-04:00

A Reminder Of Colin's Impending Visit To The ER; Cruiser Weather Update

2010-03-31T15:28:00.010-04:00

A Feynman diagram of one way the Higgs boson (hypothetical massive scalar particle that may or may not be dating Heidi Montag) may be produced at the Large Hadron Collider. Here, two gluons decay into top/anti-top pair which then combine to make a neutral Higgs. Cue the Barry White:
Just to remind everybody, Colin has a date with destiny and quite possibly some sort of Castaneda-esque vision quest mixed with the event horizon of a black hole this Friday as he attempts to drink a 32 ounce of Monster energy slurry in under a minute... 5 minutes... 10 minutes? The Blog can't remember the original time agreed upon but we've seen Colin training all week with daily trips to local Mexican eatery la Fogata and local "chicken" eatery Zaxby's. His focus is razor sharp and his internal organs are battle tested. The Large Hadron super collider got cranked up again this week and as these words are typed, it's whipping protons to more than 99 percent the speed of light while producing 3.5 trillion electron volts per proton, very similar to what the 32 ounce of Monster energy drink shall be doing to Colin's gastrointestinal system. We have the technology, now we must embrace it!Colin, Post-Monster transfusion:For all of our friends in Northern states, a quick update on this week's weather. Sunny. Warm. Downright pleasant. Booyah! In your face (finally). Time for cruiser bikes to the grocery store...

Lunchtime cruiser team sponsored by our friends at Sta Tru wheels, with over 6 billion different cruiser wheel combinations to chose from (this is not a guarantee).

A Post Sees A Post: Palindrome Fail

2010-03-30T13:27:00.025-04:00

Trivial office bets for assorted candy bars are the spice of life. They are what make those of a certain "animal" nature in the cycling industry just a little more "human"...

By the way, the post header image is a small sampling of a little parts line those in the know call Eleven81, THE only component ridden by THE original Mountain Khakis race team and THE only brand with the Troy Whelan "super-casual wall pose" seal of approval. But anyhoo, as we saw in yesterday's post, Josh's VINER road frame with matching Campy rear and fork dropouts (!) is ready for painting:

It's been sandblasted and primed by trained professionals. We were chatting yesterday about potential color schemes and Josh said all the componetry will be silver. THEN he pulls out a little bit of Italian trinketry known as a Campagnolo titanium Chorus seat post. The Blog knew the frame to be of a certain age and new the post to be of a certain size (27.2). "No way that thing fits" thought The Blog to itself. Then betraying its internal monologue, The Blog blurts out to Josh, "I shall wager a shiny new Snickers bar that your precious titanium post will be far too large to fit in the seat tube!" After his usual hemming and hawing, Josh took the bait and agreed to the wager. "This grift shall line my coffers with deliciousness at this dunderhead's expense"

The seat post in question:The seat tube in question:
The proof is in the photographic pudding: Well, we settled our wager this morning and sadly, it turns out Josh's Campy post does in fact fit his Viner frame and The Blog has been crowned with the Dunder laurel. Egads! It's too early in the week to lose a bet of this weight and import! Enjoy your Snickers while you can Josh, IT SHALL BE YOUR LAST!!!

Joshie's Single Speed Frame Needs Paint

2010-03-29T17:09:00.009-04:00

Just a quick survey today. What color should Josh's single speed frame be? I suggested orange with blue lug accents, maybe paint the stars white? Josh raised an eyebrow at that one. Anybody got some ideas? And yes, this is the same frame The Blog found thrown away on the side of the road in Shandon (a Columbia neighborhood for those of you not from around here). It's been primed and needs paint desperately so Josh can ride it to work... everyday... for the rest of the year.

The Whole SHOT

2010-03-26T13:35:00.006-04:00

Apparently, The Blog's hometown of Spartanburg is putting on a Critical Mass (wait, is it even possible to "put on" a critical mass? I thought they just sort of happen) TONIGHT. If you're downtown or looking for an excuse to drink lots of beer after riding with some kind-hearted folk, then show up at Daniel Morgan Square around 6 PM. The Blog's sister lives like 30 seconds from there so swing by (edit.), throw her on her beloved Electra Townie and make sure she does the ride or else. Just in case there are some kids on fixed gears showing up with issues slowing down, perhaps you should acquaint thyself with the new Gran Compe Shot brake levers (BKLR1084). Basically, it's a brake lever with TWO levers. You mount it in the center of your handlebar so either your right or left hand can grab a bit of front brake. The right lever pulls the cable like a conventional brake while the left lengthens the housing like a cross lever. Gran Compe stresses this is not a super-strong brake and should not be used as a primary "stopper". But heck, it looks good and is well made. We have these in the requisite colors in addition to the Dave Carson approved black and silver. Fit's a 25.2 handlebar and comes with all the hardware you'll need to install it. It's just that simple people.Just in case you're still scratching your head, a snippet of the instruction sheet...

Colin Tice: Nutritional Role Model

2010-03-25T15:07:00.006-04:00

Inside Sales hobgoblin Colin Tice cannot drink coffee because of a medical condition he refuses to tell us about. This morning, Colin showed off his coffee substitute in all it's scuba tank-sized glory. It's called Monster energy drink and Colin loves it. Must be some sort of new thing with the kids. Has anybody else heard of its existence? Apparently, Monster sponsors all sorts of bicycle riders; bmx, downhill and monster truck (what, no 29er riders?!). In addition to that, they like to do "extreme" things like make cans with the Cloverfield monster claw scratch on it in addition to putting 10,000mg of "energy mix" into 32 ounce cans. The "energy mix" consists of the following: Carnitine, Glucose, Caffeine, Guarana, Inositol, Glucuronolactone and the always savory Maltodextrin. Colin announced this morning, in front of the graphics office and Pastor Troy that he intends to chug a Monster (in its entirety) next Friday. Next Friday blog world! NEXT FRIDAY!!!!

The depth charge of death dwarfs Colin's 98 ounce Nalgene:
A 58 ounce can of Coke for comparison. Also hiding behind the Monster is another monster, the brand new 35mm Straitline SSC downhill stem (ST7710) in all its pink glory!

Commuter Bike Of The Week...

2010-03-24T13:24:00.013-04:00

Will finally got his Spooky cross bike built up and rode the arduous 18 miles into work so by default, we shall award him with commuter bike of the week.

The world's most dominated Third Eye Chain Watcher (CHAN8005). If ain't broke, don't replace itHUDZ cable donuts (CABL90303), which according to Will (Hudz purchaser so his opinion is not without its share of bias) are the only cable donuts that never move. (Interesting head "badge" and some creative cable routing solutions)In addition to the complimentary hand soaps, nerve tonics, comfrey salve root lotions and erotic bath oils, Will gets the option of trading out his workhorse Cane Creek canti brakes (BKST1840) for some newly arrived, warehouse-fresh TRP canti brakes.

Just because cross season is long gone doesn't mean the well-meaning cross fop or mud dandy can't sport the latest in stylish bicycle de-acceleratrixes. Run the Eurox Aluminum for sporty jaunts around the neighborhood cross course or for simply relaxing around the house with your friends, like one of those Dockers commercials, minus the slow motion frivolity and the black and white footage. The Eurox Carbon brightens up any living room, den or rumpus room with a homely touch that appeals to sensible home decor aesthetics while avoiding an "old-fashioned" look that harkens back to "Petticoat Junction" mixed with "Dances With Wolves" . Weighing in at a scant 109 grams a set, these are the contemporary interior accessory you've been pining for. If it's sleek urban-funk stylings you're interested in with a nod to Wes Anderson costume design and Henry Darger flights of fancy, add the Eurox Magnesium to your holiday wish list (your choice of holiday ). Weighing in at 103 grams, these brake sets are what all the cool kids are running. Cool kids like Niels Albert, Geoff Kabush, Jonathan Page, Amy Dombroski, Katie Compton, Tim Johnson, Sven Nys and Sonic Youth's Thurston Moore. Sure, they don't dress like they just walked out of "Darjeeling Limited" but THESE brakes will make them FEEL like they just stepped out of "Darjeeling Limited". As far as stopping power for all three of these brakes, your guess is as good as mine. No idea. Nada, none.

Just a quick heads up...

2010-03-23T14:18:00.005-04:00

Rachael from PCC sent this yesterday and because of a bout of the vapors, The Blog forgot to post it, but just in case some of you are in the "Santee" area of Southern Carolina this evening (south of Columbia but north of Charleston), might we recommend you do the following:
1) Drive to Lone Star BBQ and arrive there around 6 PM.
2) Pay 20 dollars for a dinner that features an insane assortment of low country goodness in addition to a seat at the showing of the George Hincapie documentary: "Crumb". Oh wait, I think it's called "A Ride With George Hincapie". Not sure what it's called as the E-Vite says "Ride Of A Lifetime". Could there be two different George Hincapie documentaries? Zounds. S'blood!
3) Feel good about yourself as a part of the proceeds goes towards the Palmetto Cycling Coalitions coffers! Hooray!

In keeping with the theme of announcements, The Blog just noticed the local Harbison spring mountain bike race has popped up on the Maxxis Southern Classic Series calendar. Will the trails be rideable by then? Last The Blog heard, it was like a swamp out there but hopefully with this run of dry, sunny weather, the bogs have started to drain... but where will the Yodas go? The good folk at Cycle Center are running the proceedings again so check out their website if you need more details. Don't ask The Blog. That is all.

Boone-Roubaix Heads Up

2010-03-22T09:56:00.004-04:00

One more quick note of interest, the Boone-Roubaix "race" is fast approaching (April 3. 2010). Lots of gnarly dirt roads with plenty of Roubaix-styled climbing. The hardest of the hard, the feralest of the feral show up for this sufferfest. Will you be among those who toe the line or will you stay home to watch The Final Four, like The Blog? Kinda wish they made ALL categories do the full 69 miles and not just the Pro-1-2. Meh. Hopefully those with newly purchased cross and road bikes will consider this Spring "gut check". Proceeds go to the beyond-altruistic Wine to Water charity. That is all.(shot from a course recon from the Boone-Roubaix site)

German Ridiculonosity For Monday Morning

2010-03-21T21:27:00.005-04:00

We've all seen the ladies doing the bike gymnastics thingy,so here is a junior for your consideration:

Serendipity, Thy Name Is Digital Underground

2010-03-19T14:40:00.005-04:00

The Hawley receiving and shipping departments have been engaged in a blood feud that stretches years, centuries, epochs. Before the Hatfields and McCoys, Thomas Becket and Henry II, Velociraptors and Brontosauruses, Primordial Ooze and Alien Visitors From Beyond, there was the all-consuming battle between those who "put" and those who "send". It is with great pleasure to announce that through a love of old school gimmick hip-hop, differences have been set aside for one day in the spirit of brotherly love and understanding. Chris Maret (Receiving representative, 4th level mage/conjurer) and Andre Maldanado (Shipping representative) have extended the olive branch with their ensemble coordination. THIS IS WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT PEOPLE!!!

"Chris, what's with the sour face? Don't do me like this!""Meeeeehhhhhhhhhhh"Yes! Best Friendz-4-Ever!

Velociraptor Safety: Chrome Shoe Exchange

2010-03-18T15:29:00.004-04:00

Just a couple quick notes for today. First of all, The Blog predicted the Old Dominion victory over Notre Dame in today's opening round of March Madness. High five! Second, you have a couple hours to rush to your local post office with the most feculent pair of sneakers you have and mail them to our friends at Chrome Bags. Then they send you back a brand new pair of sneakers (their choice) in the size of your choice and the implosion of the universe is narrowly avoided. Here is an article that has the mailing address and some helpful details: SHOEMAGEDDON! The end. Have a nice day. That is all.

Welcome To The Terrariumdome!

2010-03-17T16:35:00.011-04:00

For your consideration: A Japanese woman pulling a one handed wheelie on what appears to be a mixte-looking frame with riser bars, upon which sits some sort of novelty bag topped with a churlish looking Care Bear. In a word, this is a "fresh" set-up. Sure, the weird smile-stare she's throwing to the camera is a bit disconcerting, but she has earned bonus style points for the Lite-Brite leggings and yellow crank arms. Visit our good friends at Pedal Consumption for more hijinks and gear reviews...

Also for your consideration, the newly redesigned Challenge latex Corsa tubes (TUBE7043). These things feel AND smell like your lower intestines but according to Claudio at Challenge, they have been specifically engineered to make your non-tubular tire feel, ride and smell like a tubular. They're seamless with a removable Presta valve core. Did I mention they smell absolutely delightful? Best thing about these tubes is the packaging. With zero modifications, you have a ready-to-rock terrarium for entertainment and also for the production of life-nourishing oxygen. Does the movie "Bio Dome" look familiar, Claudio?!?!? I like to spice my terrariums up with a pinch of sage and a miniature cat, but feel free to accessorize your Challenge terrarium with whatever bobbles and trinkets your heart desires!

The Terrariumdome...

Finished product complete with local fauna, potting soil and KITTY! Meow meow meow!

Pain Face Tuesday

2010-03-16T13:30:00.008-04:00

Whaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!
The Hawley Company's good friend Rachael Kefalos at PCC forwarded a Bike Summit re-cap to The Blog yesterday with the note "Yo, peep dis!" Ah yes, the rap vernacular shall be heeded and will indeed be "peeped" to the local readers. Lots of good news about complete street plans and the ACT Act! What's the ACT Act you ask? Here's the text of the bill for your perusal. It's fairly short so please read it and pay attention to its salient points. Basically, it's a 2 billion dollar windfall for trails and cycling paths/lanes: BOOYAH! Rails to Trails has a few extra tidbits relating to this important bill in addition to an online "letter of support" you can sign: DOUBLE BOOYAH! Also, keepin' it on the funky fresh advocacy tip, don't forgot to head over to Peopleforbikes.org, sign the pledge, tell your friends and help make cycling "safer" for everybody on two wheels, minus this guy.

On a random note, Northen Florida Sales Rep Andtron 5000 demanded pictures of his freshly built Storck Aero be posted on the blog. "No" was not an option. He was extremely pumped about his matching Fizik saddle, tape and hood combination. Kudos, it's barftastic Andy! Look for this abomination atop Andy's Subaru at a bike shop near you...

Speaking of Barftastic, some of you may remember The Blog's fruitless quest last year for a KFC Double Down. Well, it turns out the Double Down was nothing but a gimmick to reinvigorate interest in the KFC brand. They had no intention of releasing the Double Down to the (unsuspecting) general public. The "test marketing" was nothing but a ruse. A bit of gastrointestinal slight of hand! Now that I have officially disowned the Colonel and shredded my "Hip Hop Colonel" commemorative stationary, I have since discovered a very real, very disturbing new "foodstuff" being foisted upon us by the good people at McDonalds. In a nutshell, the Mac Snack Wrap is a Big Mac in a tortilla and that's about it. I guess when you put something in a "wrap", it instantly sounds "healthier" and "fresher". Sarin Gas? Never! Sarin Gas WRAP? Keep talkin'! Anyway, this thing exists, it's here in the dirty south and there is a McDonalds within break dancing distance of Hawley. Results and corresponding data to follow. Prepare my sarcophagus and alert my local shaman.

Nummers!!!

I Feel Like Bein' An Essex Machine!

2010-03-15T14:46:00.009-04:00

For your viewing pleasure, the pride of Inside Sales and unrepentant Incubus superfan, Troy Whelan models the new Fox Essex short. Long story "short", Josh made Troy try on the shorts and then took photos of him after everybody left work. Is that weird because The Blog doesn't think so. From Josh's email: "Look, I don't see why everybody is freaking out. What's wrong with two, young, athletic guys hanging out after work, trying on shorts in front of each other and then taking pictures. I mean sure, there was some tickling but this is the bicycle industry. These things happen. Tickling happens! It's really not a big deal! So to summarize: there was some short modeling, some photography, some tickling followed by more tickling but let me repeat; Nobody was groped!"

Confident, decisive, unflappable; an immovable mountain of masculinity that doesn't ask, but TAKES.........the Fox Essex short

Mysterious, docile, curious; innocent abounds this Spring for Troy and his new Fox Essex shorts (CLTH26564 for those of you following along in the catalog)!
Sassy, brazen, capricious, inflammatory, quixotic, in-your-face, minty-fresh with a touch of pee pee; Troy and his ESSEX short wants you to know he's a tickler, not a fighter.
(late edit. comment removed because of its implications that Josh, who took this photo and is a happily married man was in some way doing something terrible and unspeakable, unbeknownst to poor, innocent, sassy Troy!)
You couldn't tell but the black Essex has a fine pinstripe, lending it a certain Great Gatsby quality.
The gunmetal (CLTH26551) is more of a metallic color, like you'd see on the barrel of a gun, minus the pinstriping.

Donald Duck Nervous Breakdown Averted

2010-03-12T12:00:00.003-05:00

.... and the skeletal remains of Huey, Dewey and Louie:DEMANDS YOUR ATTENTION!