Cyclocross Finale, With Pictures!

Saturday was cyclocross time in Charlotte. Hawley stooges Joshie, Will and Kyle showed up with racing on their minds and hillbilly music in their hearts. Jim Morrison from Cane Creek also threw is hat into the cross ring, but he is of little concern. Pictures of racing and crashing...

Pre-Monday Morning, Post-Sunday Yoga Class Listening

The Blog scoped this out on the BBC's Documentary Archive website. It's about bicycles and whatnot. Have a listen and keep your disdain for haughty British accents to a minimum. That is all: The Bicycle Diaries!

(A BBC listener? Tut tut!)

You Lose Some, You Lose Some

Colin's chance at arm wrestling redemption, please meet Paul Harrell and his leg-sized arm. We wish you the best of luck...
Speaking of eye-bulging intensity, please consider entering these races and intensify your own eye bulging. Make sure you say "Hello" to Hawley folk Kyle, Will and Joshie (making his 2009 racing debut) at Saturday's race. Autographs and moderately priced cider will be available at our kiosk

Aloha Friday! Part 1

Bilenky Junkyard Race. It don't get noooo better!

VIMBY - Bilenky Junk Yard Race

Legumes...

There are 2 uses for the Straitline Brake Lever Upgrade: Birkenstock horn and brake lever upgrade. There used to be three but after last year's "unpleasantness" ("Levergate" as reported by the local media), our lawyers advised us to narrow the usage parameters...

(Bronze Avid Juicy. Also available for Hayes, Shimano, blah blah blah)

This is unsettling. There are 12,874 uses for the common peanut. Here are 12 that piqued the Blog's interest:

1. Peanut Soap – Peanut oil is composed mostly of monounsaturated fat. Fat is one of the primary ingredients of soap. Soap fats are responsible for displacing dirt and germs from our bodies, given its thick and sticky base. Peanut oil, for that matter, is thick enough to be a good component of soap. You can make peanut soap by mixing the oil with water, coconut oil, and lye.
2. Biodiesel Fuel – Did you know that the diesel engine was originally created for peanut oil? The first engines created by inventor Rudolf Diesel ran on various vegetable oils. Today, using peanut oil to power diesel engines can be futile. You can instead use a large amount of concentrated peanut oil to power biodiesel motors. The use of biodiesel motors is slowly gaining fame, given the current fuel prices. You might as well make an engine switch, if you want travel cost-effectively.



3. Peanut Laxative – As a laxative, the peanut is not as potent as some of the other known medicenes but it is certainly more delicious than any of them. If you are constipated, you can just snack on a bag of peanuts while watching a movie or a prestigious sporting event. The oil of the nuts will eventually act up on your tummy, improving your bowel movement in the process.
   
4. Peanut Dye – Peanuts can never be used for producing colors like food coloring but its oil can act as the base of dyes. The slightly viscous and sticky fluid ensures that the color of dye will stick on many surfaces. If you are not satisfied with peanut oil as a base, you can just mix it with other ingredients to increase its viscosity.
5. Peanut Shampoo – You can make your own shampoo made of peanut oil and Castilla Soap. Just mix the two ingredients in a blender and add scent enhancing materials like lavender or rosemary oil.



6. Peanut Insecticide – For some reason, ants and some pests do not like peanut oil. Some manufacturers of insecticides, in fact, add the edible oil when creating their products. Its components is believed to be toxic to several household pests. In any case, you can just splash a good amount of peanut oil at an ant line and they will all drown upon making contact with the sticky fluid.
7. Peanut Explosive – Peanuts can be used as an ingredient for creating nitroglycerin. The acids that make up peanut oil can act as substitutes for some of the acids used in formulating nitroglycerin. As dangerous as the resulting solution may be, you cannot readily create peanut nitroglycerin, so don’t worry about your favorite snack exploding inside your tummy anytime soon.
8. Peanut Axle Grease – At first, using peanut oil to create grease may sound silly. Grease is simply too viscous to be made from a relatively thin solution like peanut oil. Now, if you combine peanut oil with rosin oil and lime solution, you might be surprised with the result. You can start applying the resulting mixture on the axles of your automobile.
9. Peanut Seat Cushion – Some shelled nuts are hard to open even if you have powerful fingers. For these stubborn items, you can use them as substitutes for the contents of beaded seat cushions. Shelled peanuts may shatter when supporting heavy people. You can cover the nuts with a layer of cotton to give them added durability.
10. Peanut Shell Charcoal – Try observing peanuts when they are being cooked. You will notice that peanut shells do not burn easily. They can absorb decent amounts of heat and even help in cooking their contents. Look at those features closely and you will be reminded of charcoal. If you are peanut lover, you can store shells until you fill up an entire garbage bag. You can then use those peanut containers as good substitutes for charcoal.



11. Peanut Soil Conditioner – Burying peanuts along with your garden plants is a good idea. The nuts release oil that adds nourishment and richness to the soil. Your plants will be healthier since they can readily acquire food from the soil. If you want a more direct approach to soil conditioning, you can apply peanut oil on your garden. Its effects may be short term, but your plants will be instantly satisfied.
12. Peanut Glue – Peanut-based glue may not be the most efficient adhesive but it is pretty easy to make. During your free time, you can mix peanut oil with flour and corn oil. Transfer the mixture onto a frying pan then add boiling water. Stir the solution thoroughly. Once it stiffens, your peanut glue is ready to use.

As an addendum to this article, Peanuts can also be mixed with flour, corn oil, placed in a frying pan of boiling water and used as an adhesive. Although the blood curdling screams of Charlie and Linus pleading for mercy or the cold embrace of a quick death may not be suitable for children or the faint of heart, this glue is perfect for paper masks and Christmas ornaments! :)

(Happy Peanuts make better glue!-Charles Schultz)

Suits You? Arrrr Guile?

Keeping today's posts on the track tip, the Blog felt obliged to inform the general public that as of 10:14 AM, we have argyle and "suits" Velocity rims in stock. Obviously, these are non-machined for your piddling velodrome dreams or for a bit of MASH plagiarism. You've been warned!

Columbia's Craiglist Is Now Officially "Tron-Free"

Some things just dont get the credit they deserve...

I'm talking about tweased eyebrows (don't pretend that isn't was you first looked at)

You know what I'm talking about? I'm talking about "Yosemite Sam" mudflaps that say "BACK OFF!"

I'm talking about Hawley's house brand Saddles. They are soooo comfortable. The 1181 Trail black with bumpers is my own personal favorite. I have them on everyone of my bikes. I honestly could not find a saddle that was wide enough for my honky-tonk baddonkadonk and this is like sitting in one of those giant inflatable hands. The next time you find yourself walking all bowlegged like a T-rex, give this simple seat a try.
(part# SD2080)

Before I let this saddle take all of the glory from the afor mentioned exhibits of neglect, let me pay tribute to two other items dear to my heart and apparently only my heart....First, this is "Mogua", a.k.a. ("Sly Fox") He is so tough, that he actually invented the word for tough, "Colin", in his native Huron Language. You cant see it in this very ancient picture, but he is wearing a scalp belt that includes trophies of Chuck Norris, Billy Blanks, and Jet Li. He wore this until he was confronted by Jackie Chan. Jackie had the Flu at the time, but was still able to take him with a box of light bulbs and the game controller from an N64.

You are truly the toughest of the tough Jackie. If only more new of your singing abilities. You are the sensai of my ears.

Blog You, Blog Me...

Blog it for always, that's the way it should be! Oh Lionel, you scurrilous imp! Will you ever win? Sadly, you won't but who is the Blog to judge? Lionel Ritchie, he's killed more people with his bare hands than you or I could possibly imagine, hence the perplexing title of his last album: "Can't Stop Strangling" preceded by the less ominously titled but equally portentous "Can't Stop This Stranglin' Feeling". This post was supposed to link Lionel with the other, less stranglesome Ritchey, but the flame of inspiration was extinguished by a nutrition-free lunch which left the near-depleted imagination running on empty. That being said, we DO have a couple simple yet well designed Ritchey seatposts with adjustable setback. Great for time trialing, but as Brian, aka the "Bike Knowledge Landfill" pointed out, the post could be used by an enterprising shop for fitting purposes. Eureka!

Simple, clean design

Insect-like when viewed from the front! Bah!
Handy measurements on the side keep you in the know!
During lunch, the Blog noticed Joshie's new Storck sitting at the workbench. Upon closer inspection, Joshie's Storck seemed to be missing its rear wheel! Heavens! A search party was formed and Joshie's rear wheel scent given to the Hawley dogs. (dig that pink shifter housing)
Before the dogs could return with Joshie's rear wheel or his mangled, dog slobber-soaked corpse, the Blog was distracted by a shadowy figure lurking behind the carbon fiber wonder:
Holy old school! Somebody left or abandoned a Specialized Hard Rock! With head reeling, the Blog went to the company infirmary to rest a spell after all the excitement.
Upon the Blog's return, Joshie's Storck was resting comfortably with new free hub attached. Crisis averted but the Hard Rock still lurks in the shadows of the warehouse...

Taste the KMC Rainbow, We Pity The Thule

Good news everyone, we have a huge batch of rainbow colored KMC chains IN STOCK! They're bushingless, they're seven different colored links and they're made for your track, single speed or BMX bike! Best of all, they're edible! Did I mention they're bushingless??? (not edible)

In other news, the Blog forgot to mention that pretty much every rack and accessory Thule makes is now resting comfortably within the bowels of the warehouse (OK Sandy, I held up my end of the bargain, now release the hostages and we'll pretend like this sordid event never happened). Sadly, you can't get your hands on the ultra limited edition Thule Lego Landcruiser, now with ex-boyfriend and girlfriend figurines, who genuinely despise each other! Let them ride together and argue incessantly or let them hash out their differences, Mad Max style...


"Did you feel something? Huh, better rotate the tires!"

Voltron, Kenny Loggins and Richard Nixon

Today is January 7th. That means it's time for milestone recognition! First, a big round of applause for Troy as he celebrates one year of incomparable (and incomprehensible) excellence within the Hawley Company sales staff. Whether it's helping dealers out with his in depth cycling knowledge, dropping the science concerning his "mysterious cajun ways" or spontaneously dancing whenever he hears the word "chewy" (oh lord, there he goes again), you can bet your bottom dollar Troy is a beloved and essential component of our distribution Voltron! Speaking of Voltron, January 7th is also Kenny Loggins birthday. Whoops, I mean ambassador Loggins! Rest easy Senegal, Ambassador Loggins is looking out for your best interests (if your interests include bootleg "Footloose" videos). January 7th is also the birthday of former Hawley graphics neer do well Katie Hopper. Once the scourge of office mannequins, she now teaches elementary students the ins and outs of presidential scandal. The Blog humbly presents these examples of her students' handiwork for the reader's perusal:

First, a brief summary of his presidency:
Second, a rendering of Nixon in a barn or cabin, perhaps delivering a speech?
William Merrill, Assistant Special Prosecutor during the Watergate Scandal, easily recognizable by his large ears and frown stands within a containment forcefield of some sort:
A plaque commemorates Richard Nixon's most famous speech:

Yakima Schmakima!

The Hawley company has been up to its eyeballs in fresh, brand-spanking new Yakima racks and corresponding accessories since last Friday. Won't you help your friend upgrade from his rickety trunk rack purchased from Walmart to a sturdy, well-made, snazzy-looking roof rack to hold the rickety full suspension bike that was also purchased from Walmart? Please, this year, ride in style . Yakima style!

This is 1/100,000,000 of the Yakima shipment. And yes, those are Beddy Joe boxes! Get em while they're hot, metaphorically speaking!
We're stackin' em deep and sellin' em cheap! Well, cheap-ish! Can you do any better? The Blog thinks not!
Plenty to choose from, as long as it's Yakima!
Andy celebrates the arrival of Yakima by hiding under a projection screen. Well done Andy, you have taken office annoyance to dizzying heights!

Hello 2009, It's Nice To See You...

... cease all humming of Conway Twitty related songsmithery! Thank you. That afro-sporting, frizzle-haired buffoon singlehandedly put the country music scene into creative retrograde from which the genre is still trying to extract itself! In addition, his Twitty Burger has stopped many a healthy metabolic process, permanently (including his own). But the Blog digresses, as is the case with years ending in the numeral nine. To celebrate the end of 2008 and the start of 2009, the Blog borrowed a Storck Fascenario for a jaunt around town to stretch the legs and expand the horizons. Oh, how horizons were expanded! Who knew carbon fiber could feel so plush, so forgiving, so stiff and snappy... and unforgiving (but only because the Blog begged for forgiveness because it was enjoying the ride beyond what modesty permits)!

(pictured is a 59 and not the 55 The Blog put through the paces)
Each incline was met with disdain, scoffs and comments of a belittling nature, "You call yourself a hill? I'm seated in my biggest gear reading a local muckraker's attempt at journalism and feel no resistance as each pedal stroke propels me to the apex with considerable aplomb!"

In conclusion, the Storck is a machine for the discerning rider, the lover of fine things with a keen eye for the technical and aesthetic amongst a paved sea of blighted, direction-less drones riding in circles trying to catch up with the wacky German....

Sadly, the Blog lacks photographic evidence of his Storck jaunt (a "Jaunorck") so a Fauvist rendering will suffice:
(The Blog solves The Cube as the Storck's patience runs out)
(The Storck leaves the Earth's orbit, goaded on by an envious sun)
(The Blog looks for a replacement bike at a fancy corporate retailer!)
(The Blog learns there is more than one way through the woods astride his new Soma!)