Jose's New Vassago 29er Frame: Murder Is Narrowly Avoided

TO whom it may concern, I have something to get off my chest. For the past 3 (or is it TWO?) months, I have been tottering on the edge of murdering my co-worker Jose (inside sales) with my bare hands, throttling his throat until he sees that mysterious light and hears faint harp music from winged creatures. Not because he is a bad person or TOO funky for his own good. Nay gentle reader! My murderous intent was because of his daily pestering in regards to the acquisition of a Vassago Optimus Ti 29er frame. Every tiny, insignificant minutia of Jose's dealings with Vassago was subsequently relayed to me through mouthfuls of fried catfish from Mr. Fish and scalding hot lashings of rancid Maxwell House. Dear Lord, how I dreaded Jose's visits, always prefaced with the requisite "Dude" as he launched into some swear word laden description about his latest frame acquisition misfortune. I had hoped Jose would get my subtle hints like "Oh really? Well, I better get back to work!" and "Before you say anything, go away tiny man!" and "I will kill you". Unfortunately, Jose's tenacity proved unswerving and it was only last week that I began to pass by gun shops, lustily eying implements of death and destruction that would end Jose's suffering, as well as my own. Flash-forward to today! As if answering an unconscious prayer, UPS delivered Jose's frame and the great Hawley murder/suicide pact of 2008 was averted... until Jose decides to buy a new road frame!