In Memorium

December 10th, 1995. Do you remember what you were doing when you heard the news? I was in the car with my older sister driving to a movie theater showing the latest subversive fare from film avant-gardist James Cameron. The radio was on. That's when we heard the news flash and my sister and I wept uncontrollably for several minutes.
Darren "The Human Beatbox" Robinson had died of a massive heart attack. Buffy (as he was known to the rap community) was ahead of his time, pushing the limits of beat boxing as a viable commercial art form. He was also morbidly obese. In fact, his second group after the Fat Boys, The Obese Boys eventually disbanded as club owners refused to "cater" to their pre-concert culinary demands. This post is not to make light of Buffy's untimely demise or denigrate the Fat Boys contribution to popular music and not-so-popular cinema (seriously, I know "Disorderlies" is unwatchable, you know it, we all know it so let's move on) but to serve as a warning to those of us susceptible to the winter weight that shows up unexpectedly after the close of the summer season. But how does one counter this? The obvious solution is to eat healthy and ride your bike. Unfortunately, the "eat healthy" portion of the solution is a deal breaker. Seriously, we have a chili dog shanty next door to us whose prices are on par with UN Food for Africa rates (about 10 cents per 30 pounds of food) so the only viable solution is to ride. Unfortunately for us "southern boys", anything below 60 degrees is considered life-threatening. That means it's time to turn on the TV/I-Pod/Victrola, lower the blinds and hop on the trainer. Might I suggest one of the following:


The CycleOps Magneto! Put simply, this trainer contains two powerful magnets. One dispenses chocolate ice cream, the other vanilla. Once you're done pedaling, you have a bowl of swirly ice cream goodness waiting for you. But don't eat it. It's not really ice cream. It's ground hobo. The Pink Road Machine trainer donates money to the Susan G. Komen Race For the Cure Foundation. This a welcome change from Kinetic's O.J. Simpson Legal Defense Fund trainer from last year, which also donated money to the Susan G. Komen Race For the Cure Foundation, but suffered from sluggish sales.


The Rack is used to dismember adults as well as children by segmenting them at their legs and arms. Look for Minoura's version in early 2009. 100 percent of the sales for "The Rack" go to the Jessica Simpson Defense Fund .