Hola Amigos! (That's Spanish for "I am in distress and require assistance.")

Here's Jose's version of his Dupont State Forest ride: "Well dude, where to begin? So many emotions. So many flavors. My bibs were soiled from anticipation of the various terrains we would be encountering. Dirt, rock, skull, tapestry, piano keys. It was a hundred different rides rolled into one. Words cannot express the joy I derived from this experience. A big thanks to Jeremy for the post-ride sensual massage and to Chirping Falcon Baby for use of his sweat lodge."

First of all Jose, you are a liar. Second of all, you have never owned a bicycle in your life. Third of all, Jeremy hasn't given a massage of any kind since 2001 and it was at MY bar mitzvah. And fifthly, Chirping Falcon Baby is MY CB RADIO HANDLE you petty CB handle stealer! This post is over! Here are Jose's fake pictures from his ride. Photoshopped into these "staged" images are Hawley Service Center life-partners Jeremy and Lil' Tico Hamhock Garfunklestein and some Cane Creek representatives. Enjoy:

A field of pine trees and rolling mountain terrain in downtown Lexington, SC...
Lil' Tico stretching the hamstrings out. Prevention is key...
"The Colonel" powers up Cedar Rock blissfully unaware that this photo is a fake...
An alien landscape culled from a Ray Bradbury picture book...


Lil' Tico, Jeremy and Lord Autumn Bottom strut around in their "fancy" attire in front of a green screen at a local television studio...