Deep Do Do: Scott Explains The Do's and Do Not Do's Of Training

The Blog went out Friday after work to test ride some old SPD pedals on his cross bike. Figured they would work well enough after 6 years of festering in a drawer (which was festering in a room that was trying to be forgotten about). Full of old trail dirt and dust, tension springs cobwebbed, they snapped up the cleats after a few strained attempts and after turning the I-Pod on, the constant noise and clattering was barely audible. That's probably how Scott (receiving department bon vivant) recognized me, as he is legally blind and steers his bike by bouncing sonic blasts off of objects as he rides, like a bat. Scott came alongside and we chatted about training since Scott was himself training and I was worrying about my pedals spontaneously disintegrating. Basically, in a nutshell, Scott explained the differences between heart rate data/results and wattage data/results. Apparently, you can buy machines that measure your heart rate and wattage and then these machines transcribe all those bleeps and bloops and computer mumbo-jumbo into easy-to-read text and graphs. Then you can skim over them and see if you're "improving" or getting an F, which stands for "fluctuating". For example, you can buy a Sigma PC-15 heart rate monitor (COMP41052) and duct tape that to a Sram Quarq Power crankset (CRKS3914). Simple enough eh?So yeah, Scott took some blood samples from me, measured my Troglodytic Mass Index, recalibrated my Qi factor and read my tarot cards (apparently, I'm immortal). After a few more hours of calculating (all done while riding) we got some pretty staggering results:
ABILITY SCORES +3/+7
PSIONIC ABILITY -4
ARMOR CLASS -45/-75
HIT POINTS +120/+150
SAVING THROWS -20/-60
ATTACK ROLLS +5

Scott's final verdict: Focus on 20 side die rolling to maximize my attacks, consider bartering for a melee weapon of some sort, befriend more wizard and necromancers during group rides and try to do more intervals, which according to Scott are short bursts of intensity followed by relaxed moments of peace and solitude. These can also be done astride a bicycle but Scott said until my Qi factor gets above 9000, I should stay off the bike when practicing these "intervals" or I could create a black training hole, otherwise known as the H&G channel. Check out Mr. Fancypants sprinting away from our training session. You think you're better than me, don't you??!!??!