"Hey, has anybody seen my bike?" And thus began my circumnavigation of the Hawley Company as I searched (in vain) for my Kona Unit 2-9. No nook, cranny or crevice was left un-investigated. After what seemed like days (could've been minutes) of fruitless searching, I stopped in my tracks, looked over my shoulder and there on the top shelf in the warehouse lay my bike! Visibly shaken and mentally fatigued, she wouldn't come when I whistled for her (as is customary with well-bred 29ers) so I woke Kyle up from his third afternoon nap and made him retrieve her with post-haste. Now the investigations and interrogations can begin in earnest, and then, retribution! Here are some non-Steven Seagal quotes about vengeance and retribution that you can use in your daily life: "An eye for an eye (Exodus 21:24)!"
"Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord" (Paul, you know, from the Bible)
"Revenge is a dish best served cold" (Khan from "Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan")
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
There Will Be Blood!
Thursday, April 24, 2008
MOUNTAIN BIKE OF THE WEEK...
...Belongs to Furious George Faulkner of Purchasing. It's a Ridley Cobra, with a splacknasty XTR build, DT Swiss wheels and insanely trick white FSA stem, seat post and handlebar. And yes, George put the tires on backwards so keep your big fat yapper SHUT! That is all plebian!
(clicky the picture to make big the image, yes???)
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Hungry Like the Teenwolf
Sunday was crit day. To be more specific, it was SC Crit Championships day in downtown Charlestown. The race was staged at Hampton Park, an old horse track that was two straight-aways, three pleasant turns and one wet, shaded turn of infinite suffering and broken collarbones. We got there early so Tony "Teenwolf" Zanca could wander around bothering race organizers and civilians alike with an endless stream of questions like, "Wheres the bathroom?" "Can somebody pin my number?" "Any sign of the bathroom?" "What's a crit?" "I can get a quarter?" and so on ad infinitum until Troy slipped behind him ninja-style and administered a textbook sleeper hold to pacify the boisterous Teenwolf. So after some more waiting and a couple adventurous trips to the Porta-Potty (an olfactory holocaust) the Cat 5s (according to Eric, "the fat, slow guys in Primal Wear jerseys") took off for their 40 minutes of Hell. From the gate, Teenwolf was struggling as his shoe refused to clip in. "Oh shazbot. It's gonna be a long day" I muttered to myself as Troy nodded his head in agreement. But as luck and perhaps Fate (who is fickle, mind you gentle blog peruser) would have it, Tony got his feet clipped in and settled nicely within the race's rhythm. Three wrecks and 30 minutes later, the race ended with our lone Hawley representative finishing a respectable 13th. Teenwolf got boxed in on the last turn negating any chance at a sprint, top ten finish. Is positioning in a crit really that important? I guess so...
Monday, April 21, 2008
New Product from Sea Otter
Just a few cool new products we saw this year at Sea Otter...
Friday, April 18, 2008
Kyle, rest easy young hipster
Kyle, graphics lackey, finally got his precious Soma toeclips. A collective sigh of relief was audible throughout the office, warehouse and surrounding counties. By the way hapless blog reader, it's Friday, it's sunny, it's going to be 82 degrees and we're gonna be riding after work. Yippee! It don't get no better...
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Ian's Wild Ride
As of Wednesday morning, Ian (overlord and supreme chancellor of the Hawley Service Center) has re-entered the bicycle commuter pool, so let that be a warning to all cell phone-talking, non attention-paying, make-up applying, contact lense-cleaning, wreckless driving knucklehead troglodytes populating the local roads because if you anger the man above in the day-glo safety vest and ill-fitting cycling bibs, you will bring a wrath upon you of biblical proportions. And yes, he's riding a Storck. And no Kyle, you can't have his front wheel for your fixie delusions of grandeur...
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Team Hawley Baker's Dozen 2008 Re-Cap
As told by somebody who wasn't there:
Kenny: Hey Jess, this is Kenny. Calling you from the beach to ask how the race is going...uh, gimme a call back when you get this.
(later that day)
Kenny: Hey Jess, Kenny once again. It's really sunny out here, the beach is wonderful. How's the race going? Are you there? Does anybody answer their F*&$# phone anymore? Ciao!
(later that evening)
[you have ONE new message]
Jessica: Hi Kenny. Wellll, it rained the entire time. They rain delayed the start, then by noon, they had another rain delay. The race was called after 3 hours. To top it off, as we were packing up, the sun came out and the rain clouds left. Kyle wrecked. Tony wrecked before the race when he hit a cone in the road. Josh didn't blow up. Super-boring. Have a good day!
Monday, April 14, 2008
Derrick's New Saddle!
Derrick built this stealthy Storck for "Gimme a Break" matriarch Nell Carter, but alas, shes switched over to competitive weightlifting/binge-drinking. The bike itself weighs 16 pounds, but the saddle adds another 8. And yes, Derrick prefers his handlebars without tape thank you very much Mr. blog reader!!!!
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Wes of Sunshine Cycles (Athens/Watkinsville) and his Ridley Damocles
Tony Zanca (of inside sales fame, the man you love to hate, aka Teenwolf, the All-American Heartbreaker, Manimal, the man unable to turn the big ring) sent me this lovely build from our friends at Sunshine Cycles in Athens/Watkinsville. Big ups to Wes (and to his peeps) for the gangsta-fresh build. Dig that crazy custom paint job! See ya'll at the Twilight Crit!!!
Build specs (all parts from Hawley, except for the frame-sorry!):
2008 Ridley Damocles “Large”
LiquidCycling.com paintjob
15.87 lbs.
SRAM Red group (compact, 11-23)
Selle Italia Thoork Team Edition
FSA SL-K post
FSA Energy Alu bars 44cm
FSA OS115 White 120mm stem
American Classic 420 silver w/ceramic bearings (non-bladed spokes)
Schwable Stelvio EVO (front/rear specific)
Speedplay Zero Stainless White
SRAM Super Cork tape
Cateye Strada
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
Lunchbox of the Month
Ok boys and girls, go put your artwork in your cubbies and come sit down on the magic mat. Today we have a new student starting and we want everyone to see his lunchbox. O'doyle, if I see you lay one finger on him or even try to barter for his twinkie, it's off to the Principal's office for you. With all this anticipation growing, you've got to be wondering to whom this tiny box of joy must belong to. Well, if you think you have the courage, drag your mouse atop the following link and proceed to clicking...
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
Monday, April 07, 2008
Saturday, April 05, 2008
El Jefè
(Thursday, 10:31 AM Hawley Company Mothership)
Derrick: Steve, Bob called. The warehouse is in flames, Andy sold all the Storck frames for a bag of magic beans, Dave has locked himself in the women's bathroom and refuses to come out until Duran Duran writes a song about unicorns and Tony is considering gender modification surgery through a clinic in Bolivia. Oh, and NASA sent us an email about an imminent asteroid impact within, oh, I dunno, 45 minutes.
Steve:
Friday, April 04, 2008
Answer 24" Cruiser Wheels
Josh is laid back, like a valium that just ate a muscle relaxer while sipping a whiskey drink in a jacuzzi. So when I showed him these wheels, he made an exclamation of sorts (a kind of gurgle and then a raised eyebrow,) and furiously started doing the algorithmic calculations in his head that would allow him to buy them without his wife's knowledge and still have all genitalia left in tact... Feast your eyes you worthless half-wits!
Thursday, April 03, 2008
Baker's Dozen 13 Hour Endurance Race...
Is rained out for this weekend. Jiminy Crickets!!! The Hawley Company had a fairly gi-normous crew of maniacs committed including: Jim, Josh, Tony, Jose, Carmen, Will, Kenny, Pastor Troy, Eric (formerly of Hawley, now Cane Creek deckhand) and his ole lady Kelly B. NOT TO MENTION the world debut of Andy "Does that spaghetti strap tank top come in fushcia?" Hale and the Storck Bicycles van of mystery and delight. Oh well, the race has been rescheduled for next Saturday, but Andy and the mystery machine will be on its way to Sea Otter!
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