SC Cyclocross State Championships CX3s

Awwww yeah. Check out these crazy pictures from Saturday's CX3 race featuring Hawley purchasing department wunderkid, Will "I Have Knee Issues" Gillette! No write-up, just let your imagination run wild!


Holy moley! Look at the air the dude in the back gets on the downhill!!!!



This hill wasn't as bad as it looks, or was it???
Find the line, win a prize.

Nobody Told Me We WERE Wearing Clothes For This Sales Meeting

SC State Cyclocross Championships are happening in Greenville this weekend. When did we get a state championship? Well fiddlesticks! The Blog is currently in stage 2 of a chest cold but perhaps you'll be there racing for the precious Palmetto Jersey (a fiction) or the Jewel-encrusted Claymore Of Secession (an idle fancy, but not on the prize list). Here's the link in image form for folks who prefer graphic novels over real books. Sheesh.

Gel Blast Redux: Surely You Digest

The original Powerbar Gel Blast science project experiment was aborted after a wacky mix-up with a poisonous gas cloud, an enchanted amulet and velociraptor DNA. After the carnage was removed, the second experiment was started under tighter security. BEHOLD! I have named him Troy Jr. and something tells me, this bright lil' fella has an even brighter future ramming its ovipositor down an unsuspecting person's throat, laying an egg pod and destroying humankind before Christmas. Reality or fiction? Behold the fruit of our labor (non-childbirth labor you sickos)!!!

The Gel Blasts have tripled in size while absorbing their secret "energy fluid"
Shot from a helicopter... from space:
TROY JR! Say somethin' to all your adoring fans!

In The Mind Of Madness

"Grunt. Grunt. Grunt..... Grunt?"
(excerpted from "Hotlanta Musings: The Collected Journals Of Ian Cross")

Day 4 of Andy Hale's outside sales rep training. He has come to live with me after I sent the wife and children to stay with their godparents in Zurich. Never have I awoken each morning with such feelings of dread and impending horror. Andy's behavior has been unspeakable. He eats with both hands, eschewing utensils and shoveling food in like a feral animal.

He has turned the bathtub into his personal litter box and insists on wearing loincloths around the house made from recycled hair gel labels. His speech patterns are incomprehensible at best. One grunt means hunger, two grunts means fear and three grunts means arousal of some sort. Four grunts roughly translates into, "The bathtub was so full of my waste, I made number two in your sock drawer."

He has insisted on watching the TV at all hours of the night, pawing the screen and grunting thrice every time Jimmy Fallon is on. Brittany has nervously, through smiling, gritted teeth chalked up these "instances" to nervousness but in all honesty, Andy is more animal than man. And yet, I see a glimmer of humanity in him and that one faint hope of transforming him into the greatest outside sales rep ever to roam the sandy climes of northern Florida is what drives me. But does it drive me to madness? Perhaps, as upon further inspection, I have written this entire entry upon the hood of a police car, IN BLOOD! (dum dum duuuuum)

Tuesday Morning Barrier Domination

From the Charlotte cross race, Josh and his beloved/hated Ibis, Pinko:

Cross Skillz Clinic Alert!

"Bye bye weekend!"


Oh Lordy, another Monday has rolled in like so many Nermals in a 3 panel "Garfield". The Blog was busy this past weekend defiling the musical memory of Dvorak and Prokofiev in the desolate wasteland known as "out of season Myrtle Beach", but dearest Joshie went to the Queen City Saturday for some NC Series cross racing. Joshie wasn't feeling his best and sadly, his sub-par showing reflected his growing tapeworm and retinal ulcer which have effected his mid-season form. Good luck with those "things" my dear boy! While Joshie finished near the back, he said the Ibis and the pink IRDs were the belle of the ball. Speaking of cross, Charleston Bicycle Company is running a cross clinic this weekend and next weekend.

Where were these back in September when it would've done the Blog some good? Oh well, we thank ye for your efforts Charleston Bike Company. AND speaking of efforts, many thanks to Campagnolo for the post-Ian memorial flowers. They're in the lobby looking and smelling quite lovely. This wonderful gesture shan't be forgotten, until my amnesia pills wear off. Grazie!

Hawley Science Project Entry #2

"We were promised refreshments!"The Hawley Science Fair is just around the corner. By "just around the corner", we mean "never", but that didn't stop a plucky little lad with the brain of a five year old but endowed with super-strength (think Masterblaster, but angrier) to push the limits of our scientific understanding. The project is simple. Grow gigantic, basketball-sized... Powerbar Gel Blasts. It's so beautiful in its simplicity. First, acquire the Gel Blasts (Cola flavor preferably). Then fill up a pre-washed glass with brackish Lexington County tap water at room temperature. Don your latex gloves and plop those suckers in and wait for the EMBIGGENING!!! This could end world hunger. Or it could destroy us all. Stay tuned for tomorrow's exciting results.

The delicious morsels:What secrets are contained within your gel-filled cortex? Something ribald?
Precious water. Giver of life, nourisher of lawns. Ruiner of fireworks:
The Gel Blasts are submerged in the briny deep. Who knows what processes are occurring as I type this sentence whilst munching on a Twizzler?
Sleep my pretties.

Crossbones Style: Eric's Mad Skillz

(Yeah, I know it's a Catpower song, but I couldn't think of a good title with "cross" in it. I remember seeing them play 10 years ago and asking drunken hipsters, "Do you know when Elfpower starts playing? I drove like 14 hours for this show!" over and over. This was before the hipsters discovered the track bike and ironic facial hair)

A few brief notes. Ian Foyster remembrance tip #3: Tuneless, loud singing while walking around your office. A current single from BBC or Virgin satellite radio is preferable. Speaking of Ian (as we shall be doing for perpetuity) local gadfly Toby Porter has hinted at a New Year's Day ride in honor of the Londoner. Probably be 2 to 3 hours, dirt roads, no traffic and a small entry fee which would go to Haley's college fund. This is a developing story so stay tuned...

Eric Smith, Cane Creek wage slave and Hawley castaway gives the cyclocross crowd a sneak peek at the pain train he's bringing to Charlotte this Saturday. That's right Billy Fehr, THIS SATURDAY!

Group Ride!

Ian Memorial Ride this afternoon. We'll be on the Fort around 3:30 going counter-clockwise on the smaller loop if you would like to join in! No actual meet-up locale for right now. Sorry for the vagueness. Ian Foyster remembrance tip #2: Get kicked in the chest repeatedly by a horse...

Corduroy Pillows Make Headlines!!!

(Thanks to D-Rod for the headline)
But seriously people, according to a COMPANY-WIDE email from Teenwolf, the pride of Inside Sales and friend to all rodents, he is going home with a mild headache. We wish him the best and hope for a speedy recovery. Please keep Teenwolf in your prayers. He has a long road of rehabilitation ahead of him. In other, REAL news, Rachel from PCC notified me of an organized Harbison night ride coming up. Check your calenders folks. 25 dollars (the cost of a membership to Friends of Harbsion) gets you a nocturnal admission for non-poach night riding. Huzzah! Second bit of serious news deals with Ian's memorial service. It's TOMORROW, noon, at Palmetto Motorsports Complex. Please come by and give Ian a proper send-off! Speaking of which, a group of Hawley folks and other shops will be doing a road ride later that afternoon in his honor. Not sure about a start time but it'll probably be on Fort Jackson. I'll have a solid time posted here early tomorrow. In honor of Ian, please blast Dizzy Rascal at eardum-destroying volume for the rest of the week to annoy your co-workers. More ideas for Ian tributes to follow!