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Monday, December 21, 2009

Dave Carson Leaves Us With An Ominous Message Alluding To Eternal Servitude & Eleven81 Trailers!

Last week, El Presidente gathered the office goons and nitwits together for a little "presentation". After several years of devoted service, purchasing overlord Dave Carson has decided to head to greener pastures so as a way of saying "thank you", Steve and his wife got Dave a picture to remind him how much better our climate is compared to the rain-soaked depression pit that is Seattle, WA (Dave's future stomping ground. Literally. He's starting his own winery). Dave said he hadn't prepared much of a speech and then proceeded to ramble on incoherently for approximately 45 minutes as he espoused his theories about how aliens created the pyramids and a second and third shooter on the grassy knoll. Eventually, Steve had to chloroform Dave, ever so gently, and drag his body back into his office where Dave slumbered the rest of the week! Everybody is going to miss Dave except for the entire country of Taiwan who both fear and revere him as he has been promoted to some form of avenging purchasing deity. But here is a serious question: With Dave's departure, who's going to make the morning coffee? The Blog's money is on Phil from IT.

(snippets)
Steve: Dave, thanks for all your hard work. When I let you borrow my towel, I didn't expect you to keep it for 3 years.
Dave: Well, you never specified.
Steve: What's keeping me from removing your hand right now and smacking you senseless with it!
Dave: Telekinesis.
Steve: You cotton pickin' towel absconder! Quit playing your brain games!


Hello Kitty! Hello Kitty! Dave's merciless rage is soothed.


(snippet)
Dave: Well folks, I just want to tell you all that I own you. Each and every one of you is under my control. You're my little minions doing my bidding. Never forget that. I own you and always will own you for perpetuity. In case you doubt this, fly over to Taiwan and gaze upon the 200 foot bronze statue of yours truly outside the Taoyuan airport. I'm freaking serious as a heart attack people.


So in honor of Dave, Taiwan has sent over the first shipment of the new Eleven81 bicycle trailers! Holy moley!!!!! Gaze upon the goodness. These are for children or anything you might want to haul around: sausages, cinder blocks, magic beans, boa constrictors. These trailers can carry anthing! (this is not a guarantee)

4 comments:

Big Bikes said...

Is there some sort of guarantee that if I haul around children, sausages, cinder blocks, magic beans, and boa constrictors at the same time, that at the end of the day I won't just have a really fat boa constrictor and a cinder block in there?

Mister Fahrenheit said...

Dave, all this week I will eat hard-boiled eggs and string cheese in your honor. True fact.

The Ghost of Jerry Reed said...

big bikes, if you send a pic with that trailer and at least 3 of those items, i'll fed ex you a butterfingers bar from my personal collection

Miss Jumper said...

Oh sweet guy.