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Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Prediction: Predator #4 Plays Topher Grace's Vertebrae Like A Xylophone

If this image doesn't lift your spirits and brighten your day, then you're what we call, "on the ball". By the way, is anybody else nervously X-ing out the days on their calendar until the release of "Predators" in theaters, nationwide? Adrien Brody, Topher Grace, Laurence Fishburne, Abe Vigoda? I smell box office gold. Here's hoping there's a scene with the head honcho Predator sipping cognac in his sitting room with an oil painting of an armless Carl Weathers over his fireplace as he discusses the finer points of disembowelment with his predator grandchildren. July 9th gentle reader, July 9th....If there was one lesson "Dynamite" magazine taught us, it was that children hate reading. But children like looking at goofy television celebrities, and thus "Dynamite" prepared an entire generation of future "People" and "US Weekly" subscribers. But what's venerable comedy juggernaut Jimmie Walker smiling about? Perhaps the resurrection of the sub-Saharan wasteland his career had dissolved into at last year's Gathering of the Juggalos where he shared precious stage time with Pauly Shore? Yes, but in addition to that rancid cherry on top of a dog turd sunday of a career, he's also super-pumped about the impending delivery of July's Masterlink to all of his favorite outside sales reps who'll be visiting their favorite independent bicycle dealers. Featured are all sorts of delightful DT Swiss bobbles and trinkets, the debut of the new CLIF crunch bar, Super freaking awesome deals on Craft clothing and the Pace Edge visor, named after former Hawley suspension troll, Jeremy Edge. "Ain't we lucky we got emmmmm...."

(The average yearly subscription rate for "People" magazine is $105.47. Seriously)

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