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Friday, May 30, 2008

From the Desk of Leonard Gelbarshot

A brief note from Hawley ombudsman Leonard Gelbarshot regarding yesterday's post and its referencing of alcohol, heroin and pill usage:

Yesterday's mention of whiskey, heroin and boron pills was both unfortunate and inexcusable. In no way does the Hawley Company and its parent company Global Chem-Max and Consolidated Uranium Holdings Entertainment and its subsidiary holdings Amalgamated Monkeybot LLC and Def Jam Genetic Research condone the use or glamorization of illegal drugs and narcotics. Those responsible have been flogged mercilessly with the Bat of Encouragement and forced to wear the Choker of Regret for the next six months. In addition, recovery times have since been retarded, workload un-enhanced, osteoporosis accelerated and libidinous thoughts and urges curtailed thanks to a newly instated Boron Pill cessation program. Once again, we apologize for yesterday's content.

Leonard Gelbarshot fields questions from the press. "Are you f*#@in' kiddin' me???"

"Boron pills curbed my bloodlust! Guano shots curbed my libido! Squeak squeak squeak!!!"