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Monday, June 30, 2008

Atomic Fireball, Discretion is the Better Part of Valor

I made a mistake this morning. But I'd make it again in a heartbeat. While rummaging through the accounting office candy bowl, I happened upon a new addition called "Atomic Fireball". Apparently, everybody is familiar with these things except yours truly. Since I'm a candy fiend with a thirst for adventure and the unknown, I seized upon the opportunity to try the "Atomic Fireball" and expand my culinary horizons. The first thing that grabs your attention about this nefarious candy is the garish packaging. A bright red orb in in mid-supernova, flames encircling it like a wailing soul languishing in Hell. The second thing is the candy's actual size. It's somewhere in between a beach ball and classroom globe. If you happen to swallow it by accident, you're dead. No way it's passing through your trachea. Thirdly is the actual taste experience. At first, it's a cinnamon tang, like a rancid stick of Big Red that you've found on the floorboard of your 87 Toyota Tercel. But then, miraculously, a strange burning sensation slowly coats the tongue and roof of mouth as the pepper spray/capsicum oil begins to react with the saliva. Much like napalm or nitro-glycerin, the chemical reaction is downright combustive. What starts off as an "eye-watering burn" turns into a "gastro-intestinal nuclear holocaust" and concludes with a Dante-esque hellfire Rapture assaulting mind, body and SOUL! In conclusion, the "Atomic Fireball" is a delicate, after-dinner "sweet" that ably compliments aperitifs while cleansing the palate with an insouciant hint of cinnamon. Bon appetit!!!!

available at your local weapons depot

1 comment:

Spankye said...

I'm fairly disappointed that a candy man like yourself has never had the pleasure of the atomic fire ball until now.