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Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Brantley: Inside Salesperson, Army Ranger Killing Machine, Disgruntled Child Runaway

Nobody in the office (or anywhere else) knows what to make of Brantley's latest (and somewhat desperate) attempt at drawing attention to himself. Last month, his company sandbox reenactment of the fabled GI Joe versus Cobra, Battle on Easter Island went unnoticed by his coworkers. Then his balloon animal parade though downtown Lexington got little if any press, although The Red Bank Ledger made a brief mention of it in their "People To Avoid" column under the heading: Local Man Stops Traffic With Balloon Animals, Then Taser-Gunned". And finally, two days ago, 'Brantley's Ole Timey Lemonade" stand was shut down by DHEC after it was discovered that his "ole timey lemonade", although yellowish in appearance, was NOT lemonade. Brantley later insisted it was "all natural". After another taser-gunning, it seems Brantley has had enough. His Hello Kitty suitcase was ostentatiously packed yesterday and this morning, we found this on his desk:

Brantley's favorite GI Joe, Big Shirtless Hank:

Jam-packed with adult diapers and shiny things:
Studies show lemonade stand profits increase 8 fold when you don't pee in your lemonade.

8 comments:

Palmetto Solo said...

Wild Man Brantley - so misunderstood.

joshie said...

After much research, (mostly here) I believe that the GI Joe character's proper name is "Big Shirtless High-Pant Hank."

The Ghost of Jerry Reed said...

I didn't notice the high pants. Maybe I didn't WANT to notice the high pants

Miss Jumper said...

I have it on good authority that Brantley can shoot laser beams out of his eyes and pop popcorn with his mind.

dwight yoakam said...

brantley is probably out beating someone with his cycling shoes.

Papa Wheelie said...

Either beating someone with his cycling shoes or practicing his pirhouettes in the background to the soundtrack from Shrek 2.

Spankye said...

palmetto solo said it best...

MM said...
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