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Monday, August 04, 2008

Tube Cutter Mondays, Ladies Pay No Cover Charge!

(available in our Online Catalog as FOOD11907 or BISCUIT4301)
I have no idea what this post's title is supposed to mean or allude to. It is a mystery. It popped into my head, much like the image of a Bojangles bacon, egg and cheese biscuit pops into my head every morning at 7:30. I could be on my bike commuting to work in the Platt Springs bike lane or sitting in my car at a stop light listening to WKIE (All Chewbacca, all the time) or wandering around my house looking for something relatively clean to wear or passed out in somebody's front yard, curled up in a fetal position, naked as a newborn baby. It doesn't matter. Without fail, a very lifelike and vivid image of a delicious biscuit projects itself into my ocular receptors. So what is that all about? Any guesses? Why doesn't Bojangles sponsor a cycling team? I'd tell you why but it would be both vulgar and possibly open to litigious retribution from the Bojangles anti-defamation league (sic. lawsuits). In other succulent cycling news, say hello to the newest member of our TUBE cutter family: The Syntace Speed Cutter 1.5! (TOOL3011) Will this tool make you faster? Absolutely not! Will it make you more appealing to your coworkers? Outlook not so good! Could it be mistaken for a lobster claw during one of your midnight snack food binges? All signs point to yes! As a brief addendum to today's post, the Hawley Blog has switched to a 100 percent Magic Eight ball-powered decision and protocol efficiency engine. This decision was made (after consulting the Magic Eight Ball, of course) for two reasons. First, it allows the Hawley Blog and its board of directors to expedite blog-related issues and decisions at a faster rate that keeps this blog on pace, if not light years ahead, with other bicycling distribution blogs (all 1 of them!). Secondly, it absolves the primary curator-author of the Hawley Blog from any responsibility for potentially offensive or slanderous posts. For example, I asked myself "Are Syntace Tube Cutters made from balsa wood and Milk Duds?" A quick shake of the Magic Eight Ball and the answer reveals itself: "You may Rely On It!" So there, as if spoken from on high, my question is answered while at the same time shielding me from a potentially bank account-ruining lawsuit!

A delicious lobster claw that's good at "cuttin' tube"
An artist's rendering of a lobster:
Former Hawley Blog decision maker Francis Gelbarshot and his Mullet of Knowledge. The crystal ball was just for show. Does this he/she rock your world??? All signs point to yes!

3 comments:

Papa Wheelie said...

This may very well be your masterpiece post Mr. Reed. Kudos!

M. Clements said...

Signs point to Man/Woman.

I've stared at the picture, approached it from different angles, gone away and come back and bejebus, I just can't tell....

Adam said...

That looks vaguely familiar...

oh yes:

Dance, magic, dance!