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Wednesday, February 25, 2009

An Offroad Metric Century Is Mathematically Equivalent To A Denny's Place Mat

The above statement is one hundred percent fact. Do not attempt to disprove it through empirical means. It shall be a fruitless undertaking. Instead, please stimulate your near-dormant lump of tissue you call a brain with a simple child's puzzle (the puzzle is simple, not the child). This one is simply called "Backyard Adventure". The Blog shall consider successful completion of this fiendish, Daedalusian labyrinth as training for the Sumter Metric Century (MTB!). Why? The answer is simple in its complexity: SORBA has eschewed maps and cue sheets for Denny's styled child place mats. Local landmarks have been replaced by "Mt. Grand Slam", "Fort Fry Basket" and "Something Vomited In The Denny's Urinal Last Thursday And It Is Still There". If your map reading skills aren't up to snuff, then purchase a Garmin (they're on Nasdaq for Pete's sake!) from us, post haste! They are small, portable and all-knowing. Soon they shall be sentient beings, living among us, leasing cars and complaining about their coworkers in an eerie display of human behavior. The Garmins will kill us all. In conclusion, The Blog shan't be dining at Denny's in the near future. That is all.

The Blog does not condone "Ole Timey" behavior, like snuff abuse or GPS mongering:


Papa Wheelie said...

I put "Denny's" into my Garmin and it said: "You can't get there from here." Weird.

Spiritof76 said...

I approve old-timey behavior in that spirit I would also like to say I approve of most crudely drawn maps that look more like a Byzantine conduit than a map. I also approve the use of powdered snuff, especially if the snuff box has a picture of a fruity 17th century foppish dandy in a powdered wig on the side of it.