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Monday, July 21, 2008

Adventures in Asheville: Selling Your Organic Hippy Dreadlock Extensions in a Buyer's Market AKA Teenwolf Versus the Omnium

Friday afternoon, the Hawley Company saw its very own Teenwolf Zanca (inside sales) enter his first Omnium ever, the French Broad Cycling Classic. Expectations were high until 40 minutes before the opening time trial, Teenwolf looks over and asks "Why do I do these things?!" I assumed his lack of motivation was a result of bad nutrition or some sort of hippy magic (we were in Asheville mind you!) and NOT 100 percent apathy so I suggested he stuff another peanut butter banana sandwich in his face. Chewing food is a great way to stifle a cyclist's incessant complaining and self-doubt. Worked for Armstrong. Worked for Pee Wee. To make a long story short, Teenwolf finished mid-pack (pun intended) in the TT, conserved his energy and had set himself up for a strong showing in Saturday's crit. A celebratory meal at Papas and Beer Friday night and it was off to bed for Teenwolf, to dream of crit victories, unicorns and other things he'll never see. Saturday had the team bus in the sleepy village of Brevard, home to Hawley customers Sycamore Cycles. Unfortunately a visit was not in order as we had racin' to do. Crit racin'! Sweet horrible crit racin' that sullies the soul and nourishes our basest desires! The course was 4 fast turns with a short downhill and a power climb up to the finish. Teenwolf was positioned well and missed a solid 2nd place by a couple millimeters (finished a respectable third, but should've had second... hint hint). After that, it was a quick tour of Asheville with stops at more Hawley customers: Carolina Fatz and Biowheels. You can't say enough about both shops. Tons of great bikes, great employees and great Eleven 81 pedals! Then what followed could best be described as senseless food debauchery of Caligula-esque proportions as Teenwolf consumed (inhaled) 2 gigantic hamburgers, a basket of wings and several sweets from a local chocolate emporium. Looking back, the menu choice was ill-advised for Sunday's exertions, but as director sportif, I shoulder most of the blame. The rest of the blame is squarely on Teenwolf's shoulders. Self control is the hallmark of great champions, like Lance Armstrong, Pee Wee, this guy. So with that foreshadowing, it's on to Sunday's crit in Asheville. A tight 3 corner course would ensure plenty of sweet crit action for both riders and the dozens of cycling fanatics lining the sidewalk(s). Teenwolf stayed in front to avoid the usual pandemonium in the back but as a rider broke off with 10 minutes to go, the chasing group couldn't make up the distance and it was a chaotic sprint for second. Citing stomach issues (really? he only consumed 45 ounces of feculent beef fat the night before), Teenwolf could only muster a respectable 7th. But guess what? That was enough to ensure the overall points lead and cat 5 Omnium title. At long last, the sportif's master plan was bearing the sweet fruit of victory! Take that Hippy Town! Take that Northern Carolina! Take that weird dude at Sunday's race who asked us where the coffee shop was when it was plainly visible! More tales of Asheville and all things organic to follow later this week...

Line-Up For the Brevard Crit!An Eleven 81 Sighting in Carolina Fatz. Look at that sexy packaging!
And another! Look at that crummy Wellgo packaging!
Interior of Biowheels.
Exterior of Biowheels. Director Sportif and Team Mechanic/Driver Pose for the paparazzi
Director Sportif pins on Teenwolf's number as Team Mechanic/Driver blocks the sun allowing for 100 percent concentration.
Line-Up For Asheville. Does the fun ever start???
The breakaway! Notice the other racers' bewilderment...


spokejunky said...

Did you stop long enough at Bio Wheels to enjoy the Spot Brand bikes with the nice/shiney new belt drive SS? I rode around their parking lot like a little five year old on one of those beasts.

Papa Wheelie said...

Dude, Schwinn used belt drives on their Airdynes. That's so 1996.

spokejunky said...

You forgot to add that you get the added benefit of cooling yourself with the fan that is attached to that 1996 stationary bike. Here you go Mr. Product Specialist. Educate thyself.

Palmetto Solo said...

If I were a betting man. My $ would be that Teen Wolf would devour his prey if only they raced at night.