Ride Of Silence

Ugh, late notice but Columbia's Ride Of Silence is at 7:00 PM tonight. Meet at the Richland County Administration Building, 2020 Hampton Street for an easy paced, short route in honor of cyclists injured or killed on public roads. There's a post-ride chow down at El Burrito following the ride...

The Venerable BEAD?

Mike Watt used to have a sign in the window of his tour van (The Boat) that said "Life is just a bowl of porkchops" [blog post 7-9-09] and for some reason, I though it a fitting title for Josh and Jose's ride. From Saturday's Tour De Midlands, in Joshie's words:
Well, there we were, just kinda rolling along without a care in the world, harmonizing on some super-fresh Boyz 2 Men a capella stylings when I heard a loud BANG! Instantly I clutched my chest and checked my palm for the telltale scarlet liquid and the white hot searing pain that usually accompanies assassin's gun shot wounds. Luckily, I was unscathed but to my right Jose was clutching HIS chest, in a "THIS IS THE BIG ONE, ELIZABETH I'M COMIN' TO SEE YOU!"-Fred Sanford sort of way as he rolled to a stop. Upon closer inspection with los ojos no less, Jose's Challenge road tire had blown a bead off the rim. Apparently, the bead chose the 30 mile mark of the ride to disintegrate into shreds.

We somehow got a hold of Tim from Cycle Center and he looked at Jose, then looked at Jose's shredded bead, then looked at Jose, then looked at a secluded patch of trees, then looked back at Jose, then looked at a clown wig, velvet blindfold and zip-loc bag of gravy, then looked at Jose, then Jose looked at me, beseechingly, then I looked at the secluded patch of trees and then back at Jose. Well, to make along story short, we got Jose on a Michelin Dynamic after some more haggling and signing of confidentiality agreements and he was able to finish the ride. Many thanks to Tim and many thanks to Jose for being a good sport. He insisted I come over, hang out and "scrapbook the night away" but I had to pretend I had some sort of serious appointment in the morning. God help me if he ever finds out I think his scrapbooking is borderine creep-tastic...

Tears, tears and screaming followed by whimpering:
Tim and Jose come to a "gentleman's agreement":

Tour De Midlands: The Centurian Candidate

"Dude, say hello to my lil' friends"
Joshie, Jose and The Blog signed up for Saturday's Tour De Midlands. The Blog was signed up for the century, but with the Ritchey cross comp tires on, there was a certain reticence to going the "full monty" and the "metric monty" started to have greater and greater appeal. After taking a cursory glance at the cue sheet, it looked like the group would be together for a few miles until a decision was to be made. We rolled out and of course Jose was nowhere in sight. He had mumbled something about "bano" and "restocking the pond with some brown trout" earlier so we waited up for him as the teeming hoardes floated by. Oh, how they floated by like cigarette butts in a urinal trough until Jose finally rolled up looking about five to ten kilograms lighter.

We started pedaling and I took some pics and noticed some folks veering to the left. Hmmm. Well, turns out the parting of ways was about half a mile into the ride. The mind raced for a sec, laying out every possible thing that could go wrong and threw my hat into the century ring after a mental shrug of the shoulders. One water bottle, no food but at least 4 rest stops meant I should be OK. These charity rides are usually pretty lowkey and this was no exception. I took it easy, rolled along taking in the sights and chatting with slowpokes like myself. At around mile 30, I espied a giant turtle on the side of the road. She was flapping around in the dirt. I rolled over to her and she looked at me, frowned, then continued flailing. Looked like she was nesting, which was nuts because she was on the side of the road! After some habitat re-structuring, we agreed to part ways. Here is a picture of the turtle, she was intense:

After the turtle drama, it was big swoopy rollers to the town of Peak and the 40 mile rest stop. I re-filled my water bottle, slurped down another, ate half a granola bar and continued on. A lovely view of Parr Reservoir was contratsed with a not so lovely view of a "colorful character" knee deep in lake mud resetting some catfish poles. I saluted his valiant efforts and received a blank, Body Snatcher-like stare. "He would eat me if he could. I must re-double my pedaling efforts" After this scare, I met two fine gentlemen from Lexington who were also riding the century. We chatted about bicycle parts, retail versus online shopping, pros and cons. It was good to hear a "consumer" POV. After the "turn" back towards Lexington on New Hope Rd, the humidity started to pick up. Whew, this one water bottle thing was going to be quite a hassle. After some steepish out-of-the-saddle hills, we rolled into Little Mountain. Sensing a water refill station, I rode away from my companions and refreshed my bottle as an air raid siren was tested 50 yards away. Seriously, who needs to ride with an I-Pod when they can enjoy the melodious strains of Defcom 4 at 900 decibels. With shattered tympanums, I rode through Little Mountain and eventually hooked up with a rider named Vince.

We didn't chat much, just rode together, each feeling unusually rejuvenated in the heat, taking pulls and trying not to make eye contact. We were approaching the 70 mile rest stop and Vince needed his water bottles refilled in a major way. We turned right down Wheeland and 6 miles later, we came to the conclusion we had made a navigation error. Oh well! Looks like our 102 mile ride was going to be a wee bit longer! Vince didn't bellyache so The Blog also tried to stay positive (with murderous inner monologues). We rolled up to the rest stop where bottles were topped off and then it was off to the Mt Hebron cemetary rest stop. More uneventful riding with the occasional crazed lake driver. Oh the heat. It was mid-nineties by now and the sun was relentless, shining on us like, uh the sun?

Rolled up to Mt Hebron, refilled the sole water bottle and said "Hi" to Tim from Cycle Center. He seemed in good spirits for somebody who had generously sacrificed his Saturday to volunteer at a rest stop that was more ghost town than rest stop. I chatted with a gentleman in a longsleeve Ragbrai jersey. No offense to RAGBRAI, it's an amazing event and all, but why does everybody who completes it wear a RAGBRAI jersey at every other ride/race? I would rather see a hundred 24 Hours of Booty kits for every RABRAI jersey. A 24 Hours Of Booty kit...

What is RAGBRAI? A two wheeled Burning Man on wheels tearing a path through sleepy Iowa towns? Is this a topic better suited for a Bike Snob NYC message board discussion? Anyhoo, after bidding adieu to the old crank obviously suffering from heat exhaustion, I turned onto S-32-413, St Paul Church Rd, up some steep ones and then onto Highway 1 for the conclusion. Hooray. It was over and not a moment too soon. My ear drums were blasted (but no I-Pod was worn all day), my skin was burned, my pupils were dilated, my undercarriage chafed, my feet kinda sore but it was a great ride for a great cause. Oh yeah, Jose's tire blew up on him. More on that tomorrow!

Monday Morning Freshness

Local trails ala cx from Andy Wardman on Vimeo.

Shoulder Alert!

By the power of Gray Skull! There are some strange things afoot on the lower Lexington commuter route. A particularly dangerous but short (1/3 of a mile) section of Bradley Dr is showing the telltale signs of a shoulder widening/expansion. One would like to think it's the months and months of commuting on said portion of road, months and months of irritated drivers taking a wide birth around a cyclist and then months and months of complaints to local governance about said cyclist slowing their drive home by an unreasonable 15 seconds. Perhaps the cycling stars aligned themselves just right? That being said, The Blog is glad he drove pedicabs in Mogadishu for all those years to prepare himself for the raw, unrelenting, unreasonable, pave-esque quality of the shoulder in its current condition. Just cuz it's darker than the rest of the road doesn't mean the asphalt is that much smoother, cuz it ain't but hey, it's a start!

(New shoulder on Bradley keeps us safe so we can ride Sausage to work! Hooray!)
By the way, a fairly large contingent of Hawley-ites are doing the Tour De Midlands tomorrow. Even BRANTLEY is doing the metric century, on a velocipede! Come on out and support a good ride that benefits a good cause. Joshie training for the century last night at the burrito ride...

Vague Rants On The Horizon

Friend of Hawley and all around "good person" (why is THAT in quotes?), Rachael Kefalos of the Palemtto Cycling Coaliton will be interviewed by Dyana Daniels on "Your Day" at noon today. The show is available on all NPR radio stations throughout the state. Rachael is going to be discussing National Bike Month and the generalization of Hopf algebras in locally compact quantum groups. Is this the show where you can call in and ask about which bug is eating your okra plants or is that something else all together?

Tour De Reminder

First, two quotes about cycling:
"The bicycle is the most civilized conveyance known to man. Other forms of transport grow daily more nightmarish. Only the bicycle remains pure in heart. -Iris Murdoch, "The Red And The Green"
"There's gonna be a lot of slow singing and flower bringing if my burglar alarm starts ringing" -Miguel Indurain, "A Life Unloved: A Fully-Illustrated Erotic Guide To The Basque Region"


Just a quick heads up folks. The aptly titled Tour De Midlands is this Saturday. In addition to providing much needed fundage for Lexington Greenways Alliance, this ride is a great way to see where you're at "shape-wise" as Summer rears its ugly, sweat-soaked head. The Blog looks forward to vomiting all OVER and INSIDE his bibs and perhaps on anybody within a six foot radius during the 72 mile ride. There are also 15, 32 and 102 options well. Big ups to Hawley customers Bike To Nature and Outspokin' Bicycles for lending a much-needed hand with sponsorship and sag efforts. Their help and commitment were integral to making this event happen. Be sure to stop by and purchase a few dozen bikes next time you're in town. Tell 'em Bloggy sent ya and then ask them if they still sell that barf remover scrub (CLTH1025) made by Nathan. Also, make sure to say hi to the inside sales department's very own Michael Bronson and Troy Whelan as they toe the line on the 102 mile ride. Huzzah fellas!

Notes From The Underground: Joshie and Jose's Excellent Adventure

Joshie and Jose went to Day 2 of the IMBA Summit after The Blog's forceful expulsion from Thursday's afternoon session (big thumbs up to the city of Augusta's SWAT team. You guys were totally professional). They didn't get any funky-fresh t shirts or mesh caps or anything schwaggish but they did get a free lunch, tons of good info from the day's sessions and a chance to SIT next to a man who looked suspiciously like Hans Rey. According to Joshie, Jose wouldn't quit talking to him. Blah blah blibbity blah-blah-blah for 20 minutes. Hans excused himself, politely, and as he walked away Jose leaned over to Joshie and whispered "Who the heck was that?" Here are some nuggets and factoids gleaned from Joshie and Jose's notes...

(The Bike Polo lobby was in full force. Rumor has it they've hired Grover Norquist)-60 million dollars gets you 300 miles of bike pathways for every one mile of freeway (yes, but how many lanes?!)
-Communities want trails to make them more "livable".
-Trails attract businesses concerned with employee quality of life.
-Trail riding is less nerve wracking than road riding, thus perhaps a better way to get non-cyclists on bicycles?
-Gateway!
-Snail and slug racing is illegal in Puerto Rico.
-The wacky Canadian IMBA representatives drove their new Subaru all the way from Canada in a day and a half, but forgot their mountain bike shoes!

-"Vicious Cycle" doodle in Joshie's notebook with the following: More recreational cycling builds a better bike culture. Better bike culture boosts community cycling. Boost in community cycling boosts political will. Boost in political will boosts cycling infrastructure projects like pathways, trails, etc.
-Chattanooga drops a singletrack manifesto, minus the communism. Shaboom!
-Relationship between Industry and Advocacy.
-Luncheon consisted of food prepared by a catering company owned by Chris Eigeman who played Lionel Herkabe on "Malcolm In The Middle"!

-Specialized Bikes' Dealer Grant Program focuses on Youth (youngin's), Access, Wellness and Sustainable Transportation. "Specialized got it going on" (Jose's words)
-Check out the Aquaduct Mobile Filtration Vehicle
-"Ride your bike. Get organized. Show up and ask. Dream Big."
-Hans Rey: Who the heck was THAT?

IMBA Summit, Thoughts, Nuggets...

So much was learned and then promptly forgotten at last week's IMBA World Summit. Where to start? First thing learned, Augusta is a treacherously foggy town. Driving is deadly; invest in a driver, preferably a limousine with some sort of glass partition to separate you from his or her subversive, proletariat-centric chatter. Second, Dave Wiens is taller in person and instead of speaking, he communicates with short, high pitched bursts of sounds. Third, Mafia Racing's Spencer Powlison has a handshake than can crush cue balls into fine powder and is also part of the IMBA team. Fourth, there is soooooo much information being delivered to you, whether in a keynote address, seminar, pamphlet, book, etc that it can be somewhat overwhelming. That being said, there were several nuggets of wisdom gleaned from the day's proceedings...

-Sram and IMBA are the same age: 22.
-Sram made 335 million in mountain bike revenue.
-Sram's Mike Mercuri's nickname is Merc.
-IMBA and the National Parks Service have partnered until 2015 (predicted year of the world ending so any partnership afterwards would be moot).
-Phil from Chain Reaction Cycles has a beautiful, luxurious head of hair.
-1.2 billion dollars has been set aside this year for cycling and pedestrian funding.
-In my notes, I wrote "Could this guy eat his cereal any louder? Come on!" during the keynote address breakfast.
-Tom Sauret, SORBA excutive director has a speaking voice made for an NPR call-in show. Come on people, let's give "On Point" host Tom Ashbrook the heave ho in favor of the sugary sweet dulcetry of TS!
-Successful trail fund-raising tip: Leadership teams must donate money to encourage corporate fund matching. "Have skin in the game", like Ice T in this pleasant little romp.-Coca Cola doesn't donate money for trails.
-Corporations make "marketing investments", not donations.
-Naming trails after significant donors can be controversial.
-Quantifiable proof to show a trail's usage helps secure local government help and funding while showing which trails get usage and which don't. Enter, stage right, the TRAFX system! -When running a race as a trail fundraiser, "variabilize" as much of your cost structure while minimizing fixed costs.
-Small town economies can benefit greatly from races and trails. Destination tourism people! Would anybody ever visit Brevard, NC voluntarily? (apologies to the residents of Brevard)
-Jeremy Wimpey is super cereal about recreation ecology. Super cereal.
-The "Stacked Loop Trail System" provides a diverse trail experience in a limited space.

-TTFs are viewed in a negative light by non-cyclsits.
-TTF stands for technical trail feature.
-The Wilson Seney report shows hikers and cyclists have the same impact on soil displacement. Horses and Motorcycles have much harsher impacts on trails. Basically, if you want to ruin a trail as fast as possilbe, train horses how to ride motorcycles, motorcycles with tank treads, in the rain.
-Formal trail failure leads to informal trails sprouting up.
-The Cane Creek merch booth smelled like a used baby diaper, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. Their giant pet kitty Cerberus is a handful!
-Subaru's booth had a grass roof.
-The Blog considered showing up for the FATS group ride on a Specialized cross bike but something or someone nipped the idea in the bud! Maybe next year.

IMBA: Trail Nerds, ASSEMBLE!

Indeed, much assembling was had at this year's IMBA Summit. Like Voltron, the various parts of the mountain bike community (industry, trail, land management, racers, grandmothers, CHUDs) assembled at an undisclosed Augusta Marriott (don't even think about getting your parking validated) to roll up the proverbial sleeves and get down to "bizness". More on that Monday, but here's some footage of Drew Jordan, son of one Andy Jordan, proprietor of one Andy Jordan's Bikesplosion (or is it Warehouse?) in Augusta, GA totally shreddin' the gnar at the new North Augusta pump track. Drew's tireless efforts made this track possible for the public to ride. Now that's bicycle altruism for ya. In addition, Drew is one of the nicest huckers you'll ever meet!

Coffiend

Holy moley people. For those of you who don't know, the Blog has been without a "proper" French press for almost a month now. Thanks to the generosity of an office mate and shadowy financial backer, I was supplied with a loaner, the French press equivalent of a 2 door mini. Well folks, things are back to "normal" and I'm back in my faithful 4 door sedan, otherwise known as the Bodum Brazil Cafetiere. 8 cups of righteous coffee goodness were prepared at Coffee Station Zebra with enough caffeine to kill a polar bear. The retinas dilated, the heartrate accelerated to hummingbird levels, the fingers shook uncontrollably and the office turned into that weird tunnel thing at the end of "2001". In a word, it was the greatest morning ever.

FOOD2004, Jittery Joe's "Morning Ride" waiting for an infusion of hot water...
The pulverized, coarse grounds...
Doesn't that bloom look appetizing? Nummers! Deep within it lies the unspeakable secrets...
SHABOOM! And yes, this was the mug Ian "borrowed" from me for 6 months in 2009. This only gets me to normal people...

Proclamations Galore

Confusion...

Highlights and Lowlights

Yakov Smirnov, who was also Jean Reno's stunt double in "The Professional" after this weeekend's World Cup race...
First of all, for those of you locals who didn't show up for yesterday's showing of "Beauty And The Bike" and "Contested Streets", you missed two excellent documentaries. Lots of beautiful images in the first film and lots of knowledge dropping in the second one. For those of you who didn't show up for the Tour De Cure ride on Saturday, you missed out. Lots of hammer dropping from Hawleyites Joshie and Jose and Rachael from PCC. Well done lads.

A modest headtube length espied on this Moots (thanks Rachael)....Is Jose rocking a WOOL Storck jersey? Odelay!For those of you who missed out on PMBAR, lots of good tales from one of the best mountain bike races in the known universe. Here's perennial baller Rich's wrap-up, his partner's horrible post race debacle, Hawley chum Toby's partner's write-up, Jonathan's trenchant synopsis and a random write-up with a different perspective. Hopefully Brado was there capturing the suffering in digital image glory. And finally for those of you who have not been to Lexington Avenue Brewey in Asheville, the future is here and it's called The Dyson Hand Dryer and ROASTED BEET SLICES!!! Holy moley. The Blog's head is still spinning from the lack of bike riding while soooo much riding was going on this weekend...

Burrito Night Success, Fail

Thursday night, the Schwinn cruisers were freed from their holding pens and the local burrito establishments were alerted to our imminent arrival. We came in force this time with numbers anywhere between ten and one thousand. There's a scene from a Simpsons episode where I think a rampaging horde of Homer clones sweeps through a cornfield and devour everything, including the lower half of farmer Gil's torso leaving behind a skeleton. Well, that pretty much sums up last night's burrito festivities. Complete domination. A murderous horde rampaging thorugh the streets similar to Manny Fraker's gang in "Death Wish 3" but with more murderous explosions but less whimsy. On the ride back, Josh outsprinted everybody up the Cypress Street hill in a Cavendish display of power (including the rude hand gesture). He destroyed his chain which is odd because 30 seconds before it happened, The blog could be heard chiding him, "If you keep hammering like that, you're going to break your chain!" As sure as the sun rises, Joshie will break cruiser chains. It is written, in stone, with a laser.... from the future. Remember folks, the company that burritos together stays together. Have a frank and productive weekend. That is all.

Conversational pariah Patrick Augustine....