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Monday, August 31, 2009

return from my frontier travels -part I

Ticetea just flew back in, last night, after a 6 day binge of Absynthe, Indian hunting, and Thunderdome style cat-fighting (real cats). I managed to crawl from the storage container that I was squating in near the Seattle airport. After my pupils contracted enough to see, I ventured to a few bike shops to see what kind of trinkets they are pawning off as "The Good Stuff".

This little Gem was featured on a Specialized Slopestyle Steed (3 scatagory points). I assume this is for the rider who likes his chamois but still wants the chafing that only a slightly wet pair of "jorts" can provide.

This little "shred sled" was just waiting for the unsuspecting adrenaline junky. You can go head first and steer with your hands for the crushed vertibrae, broken wrist experiace or feet first for the "shatter a femur like bamboo". Personally, I would prefer to stand up and use ropes like the the reins of a stagecoach.

Burley is now offering a special "Tommy Pickles Customs" trailer like the one featured in his new music video "yo, smell my poopy diaper".

GM is offsetting thier emmisions per vehicle ratio with a new line of luxury Cadilac mountain bikes.

After I ran out of all the chemicals and liquids that I could huff or drink, I stole a motorcycle from a man with bleached hair and a glow in the dark necklace with a spider encased in it. If you had seen him, you would have too out of principle. I took to the desert in search of a transient that I could con into giving me one of his kidneys to sell. That would surely sustain me for hours.

The road ended before I could find a "willing" donor. I was quickly surrounded and subdued by a band if Wenatchee Indians. I would tell you the fun that ensued but that is for another day. Tooo beee continuuuued...


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