Transportation Transformation!

Tim Malson, co-overlord of local cycle boutique Summit (Cycles) reminded The Blog that the Transportation Transformation rally is taking place tomorrow at 2:00 PM on the State House Grounds. But don't just show up for the rally because at 1:30 in Five Points, cyclists, walkers and bus riders will be leaving from different locales to spotlight the need for car-ternative modes of transportation in "our fair city". Methinks the bus and cycling route leaves from the corner of Harden and Senate. The walker route leaves from the F Stop camera shop and continues through campus. Any questions about this awesome event, feel free to bug Tim. And while you're at, order a Cervelo from him. Homeboy's gotta eat!

Claudio From Challenge Tires Sends His Love

If today is Thursday, and according to my newly acquired Donald Duck Wrist Watch it is, that means if you're in Charleston, SC then you should try and make sure you're at South End Brewery at 7 PM to hear master frame builder Dave Moulton present a lecture entitled "The Bicycle: Evolution Or Intelligent Design". Sounds like it should touch on all of Dave's talents in the field of frame building and perhaps it'll touch... your heart? Speaking of heart touchers, of the five finger of death variety, Challenge Tires was kind enough to let sales impresario Claudio out of his Hannibal Lector-styled restraining gurney and allow a visit with Georgio Faulkner (our Italian components purchaser). Claudio told us he had just come from Frostbike and while the QBP folk were their usual kind and accommodating selves, the weather couldn't return the favor.

(Claudio from Challenge, 100 percent Cannibal-free, keeps a pair of Grifos always close at hand)Challenge lost three good men transporting Claudio by snow-Fiat across the barren tundras to make his connector flight to Charlotte. Marco, Giancarlo and Salvatore were dedicated tiresmiths who gave their lives protecting Claudio from drunken ice- fishermen with heinous accents. They shall be missed. Claudio was bummed about our rainy weather but said it was still better than Minnesota! According to the rumor mill, Challenge is coming out with a WHITE Grifo for next season "to match the white frames". Huh? Claudio also mentioned tubular mountain bike tires picking up steam in the USA and perhaps a 29er tire on the horizon? We will have to wait and see. By the way Claudio, we look forward to taking you up on that offer you made to the graphics department about "crashing" at your "pad" for the Giro this summer and "becoming familiar" with your "ATM card" and "refrigerator contents"! You're the best! Grazie!

(late edit: The Blog meant to ask Claudio what he thought about "The Bicycle Thief" (saddest movie ever?) and that if a person stole a copy of the "Bicycle Thief" (A "Bicycle Thief" Thief), would it negate the crime in the eyes of the courts?)

Frites, the national bird, anthem and currency of Belgium
Speaking of the Omploop Het Nieuwsblad yet again, Rabobank rider and amateur Deconstructionist philosopher Nick Nuyens had some words of wisdom and dubitabio concerning the Omloop. In a nutshell, there is no point in trying to plan a strategy because the race itself is full of so many irreconcilable components that they eventually negate each other. Pick apart each section of road, each climb, each meter of rain-lacquered cobble and soon the brutal hard reality that the race within a race within a race has completely defragmented into a formless entity that exists outside human, corporeal facilities and understanding which eventually disarms and debilitates even the steeliest, imperturbable of riders. With that being said, The Blog thinks Boonen might squeak this one out. The coke-addled disco freak is in good form early on (in and out of the discotech) and it appears Quickstep is showing up with a super-strong squad (i.e. the entire team which includes classics thoroughbreds Sylvain Chavanel and Stijn Devolder) instead of the gang of stragglers and itinerant hoboes Team Radioshack has assembled to shepherd Steegmans to a 21st finish or wherever he'll end up. I'm sure after that nugget of trash, Steegmans will solo to a victory but don't count on it! Stick a fork in him, he's done. The Derrida-esque wisdom of Nuyens has already gotten into his head. Turn up the Foreigner because this cat is playin' head games.... with his head!

"Who set this to Head Games?!?!?!"

This year's route straight from the official Omloop Het Nieuwsblad website. Acquaint thyself:Cap'n Scott, official receiving team member and Omloop officianado since the late 1960's. Acquaint thyself with Scott's devil may care attitude and breezy repartee that has served him well on many a galleon and Bayou fanboat. His love of all things nautical and Belgian is known across the seven seas and several estuaries to boot! Favorite cyclist? Albert Sercu of course!

Ahoy mateys! Anybody seen me insulin? Arrrrrrrr!

Omloop Het Niesuwblad... I'm Sorry, I Don't Speak Klingon

The Blog read a teaser article for the upcoming Omloop Het Niesuwblad on that nefarious scandal rag "Cyclingnews" and like a bolt of lightning hurled from Mount Olympus, the realization that Spring Classics season is almost upon us struck me dumb in my chair and charred my skin slightly, as lightning is known to do. Huzzah! Let the hardcore fanatics and bellicose old timers have their Ghent's and their Roubaix's and even their Rhonde's. The Blog will take the Omloop Het Niesuwblad over all of them because of the sheer ridiculousness of its name.

Seriously, how much time do Belgians waste during a lifetime pronouncing these 19 syllable race titles? Anyhoo, the Omloop, formerly known as the Omloop Het Volk and prior to that, Waffletron 9000, is a nasty little race that combines crummy weather with bombastic, punchy climbs garnished with lovely bits of cobbles and several thousand drunken, rampaging Belgians. How can this thing not be watched? So here is the question: Is anybody broadcasting this thing on TV? Versus? Universal? This is less a post and more of a "fishing expedition" if you get my drift, but if you know of any internet streams or broadcasts, drop a line in the comments. This year's edition should be full of fireworks and possibly some cycling, but mostly ner-do-wells hurling M-80s at innocent passerbys as Rene Magritte impersonators huddle for warmth. The Blog has developed more of a passing interest in the impending carnage so help a brotha out. Srrsly ya'll. By the way, our good friend at Belgian Knee Warmers has an excellent write up for Omloop Het Niesuwblad. Lists all twelve of this year's climbs with grade percentages included! How can this NOT get you excited about vacationing in Belgium?

Dull Drums

It's good to see The Vatican (yes, THAT Vatican) likes to keep its finger on the pulse of youth culture by releasing a list of Pope-approved pop music albums. Michael Jackson, The Beatles, Pink Floyd (post-Syd Barrett) and even Oasis?! Sadly, The Blog didn't see any Plastic Ono Band or Echo and the Bunnymen. When will papists learn? Thankfully, Bob Dylan didn't make the list! Speaking of rock and/or roll, check out this maniac's mobile bike-centric drum kit! Sure the snare sounds like a tupperware container and the crash cymbal resembles a plinky wind chime and the drummer's beat is bordering on a Sunny Murray-esque free jazz solo, but it IS a drum kit and it IS mobile and it IS kinda cycling related. Click on the picture for some vimeo junk....

Speaking of free-jazz solos, J Town brought in his cruiser bike rescued from the city dump today. The Blog has a warm spot for green frames and this abomination, uh, I mean gift from heaven, is no exception. No idea why Chris Maret (receiving eunuch) was standing next to it, but he is a most unsavory character whose penchant for cruisers is well known amongst the warehouse populace. He was rubbing his hands together menacingly and his eyes were darting back and forth, as if he was plotting. Most unsavory!

Penneys...... from HEAVEN!
Look at the crown! Heavy duty....
Chrissy sizes up the front end to see if it will handle his bar spins...

PDA for PDW; Doldrums

We have entered the doldrums of the bicycle season. Apart from an event here and there, it's pretty much a dead, dejected, stagnated pool of a creative void in the cycling blogiverse. Luckily if you dig around, you can find some tasty nuggets here and there and luckily, NAHBS is next weekend so that'll provide 'pert near a week's worth of bicycle pictures and "tall tales". Anyhoo, The Blog didn't realize the 24 Hours of Old Pueblo "went down" last weekend. From the looks of it, the hot endurance action really started "sizzling" between the Ergon Team and The Stan's Team. Since we proudly distribute the heck out of both vendors, The Blog shall remain neutral in future 24 hour feuds that may involve these factions. However, after a few dealings with the always friendly Sonya during the catalog construction process, the graphics department at Hawley proudly supports the Green and Black when it's up against the Red and White of Stan's and their "Hippie Ninjas". Seriously, who names these teams? Ugh. Although if Hawley does in fact sport a team at a 24 Hour Race this summer, make no mistake, we shall be named "Welcome Back, Gymkata" to cash in on this whole martial arts irony craze and Gabe Kaplan's new found fame as a television poker personality.

"River card" this and "flop" that! Now that's where the real action is! Speaking of real action, Portland Design Works (PDW) has started arriving on our sunny shores. They're a pugnacious bunch of folk who make things like pumps, grips, lights and card shufflers (endorsed by none other than Gabe Kaplan!). Pretty sure they're based out of Portland but that could also be some sort of marketing ruse. "Oh yeah, we're from Portland... MAINE!" That would explain all the Stephen King paperbacks they include in their shipments. I mean, who doesn't need 14 extra copies of "Tommyknockers"???. My favorite part of "Tommyknockers" is where the alien probes Christopher Walken and then the spaceship thing shows up. Yup, great read! Anyhoo, check out this wacky pump called The Magic Flute ("Die Zauberflote" for all ya'll opera enthusiasts). It's got a bamboo handle and an extra nozzle for a CO2 cartridge if you're in a hurry. Most importantly, hidden deep within the pump's inner-workings is a bright green pump shaft! At 110 grams its light enough to tickle the backs of cherub wings, but heavy enough to bludgeon small woodland creatures until they are festering piles of blood and gore!!! METAL!!!!!

The cartridge docking-interface:

The emerald innards:

Charity Rides Galore! AT-ATs Galore!

There's something so peaceful and life-affirming about an AT-AT walker strolling down I-95 in the early morning midst. Its heart yearns for the love of a good woman, the familiarity of home and the death of them Rebel scum. Well, as the weather begins to turn towards Spring and all things relating to rebirth-rejuvenation-grainy slow motion footage of flowers opening, it's time to dust off the road bikes and think about riding. After that considerable undertaking, it'll be time to actually ride. Luckily, there are a couple descent-sized charity rides right here in the "sandbelt" that could strike your fancy.


First up is the Colon Cancer Challenge on March 20. There is a 10, 25 and 65 mile loop option. All proceeds go towards colon cancer screening for underprivledged patients. It's win-win people! Make sure to register and get a chance to ride with Hawley's very own Jose Texidor! On May 15, The Lexington Greenways Alliance is serving up a steaming pile of century for those stuffed sausages you call "legs". 102.5 punishing, lake-circumnavigating, kinda boring miles at the start of Columbia's "humid season" (changed from "yellow fever season"). There's a 30, 72 mile, etc, blah blah option but forget that. You're doing the century with The Blog and that's that. Jiminy crickets! Who shall toe the century line? Who shall feel their century oats only to receive their comeuppance on the treacherous climbs that dot the route? Who shall rub pre-ride mango flavored embrocation on Brian Hackathorn's quadriceps? Who shall feign a particularly intrusive saddle sore at mile 18, commandeer the SAG wagon and head towards the nearest Taco Bell for refreshments and bawdy songs to amuse the local peasantry? He's typing this RIGHT ... NOW!!!

Monday Evening Frivolity

The Blog's good friend John C. was in town with his band Lucero last night playing at a local watering hole. Although "the rock and roll" has never been The Blog's "bag" because of the rabble that usually accompanies it, most in attendance were well behaved as the applause was polite, the conversation was good-natured and pleasant manners ruled the evening.

As I set down my lorgnettes to quench my thirst with a brandied ice water and rosemary, I espied Hawley receiving dynamo J Town (Justin) slouching behind the organ player, pursing his fingers and laughing maniacally. Kids and their rock and roll records! J-Town enjoys the melodious caterwauling of the organ so I let him be. He was positively feral!

Speaking of ferality and rock and roll, the new Soma Iggy three speed wheels are in stock. Pay homage to Iggy Pop, or The Stooges if you will and purchase a set for your favorite Mixte!

Winter wonderland downgraded to a Class Three Killstorm

The snow came, it saw, it irritated the skin. Holy moley! When was the last time a snow-dumping like this happened??? Anyhoo, several Hawley folk were lucky enough to get out and frolic in the snowstorm of the decade. The Blog was lucky enough to start his ride home around 4 PM, just as the headwind kicked up to match the increasing intensity of falling snow. 4 miles in, the lenses were completely coated with ice.

The helmet had taken on a layer of ice and the Rock Lobster's shifting became what we in Columbia would refer to as "crucial as a mug". Needless to say, The Blog was riding blind with the rest of the drivers. After mile 16, I realized I would die in the storm. My corpse would be found several years later and buried in a pauper's grave. The I would be taunted in the afterlife for dying in my tights. Hysteria lead to hallucinations. Winged jacuzzis with bubbling hot water and piping hot electric blankets floated past me as I rode across the back of a fossilized brontosaurus (Blossom Street bridge). As the white blanket of death slowly enshrouded me, I found myself at my front door. I ran inside and handing my wet clothes to my trusted cat-servant Mimi for laundering, I bellowed with fist raised to the sky "Idiot 1, Mother Nature Zero!" Then I lost a toe to frostbite. Joshie also got in some much needed snow action. Judging from the pictures he sent me, his Niner was abandoned in a drift.

Also, a snowman offered him a bouquet of flowers as some sort of strange peace offering betweem the Hu-mans and Sn0w-mans. Brother against brother!

Karen from accounting also sent visual proof of her 4 year old's first snowman. The torso looks a bit misshapen and the lips could be a little fuller, pout-ier, but all in all, it is an excellent copy of Cellini's "Chubkin". Note the use of the ragged broom and floppy cap to denote its standing within a rigid economic hierarchy while commenting on the plight and hopelessness of the working class in 16th century Italy.

12 Songs For February 12 For Those Riding Home In The Snoooow

I shall never own this snow bike, because I like CUSTOM bikes, not off the shelf Taiwan junk!
Paul McCartney's "Ram" is The Blog's favorite solo record performed by a Beatle who isn't Ringo Starr. It's pretty much the most rocking thing that was on The Blog's ride to work mix this morning. I included 11 more songs that are not necessarily unpleasant but rock with just as much abandon. Sorry Chris Maret (receiving stevedore), but I refuse to listen to Om (or Sleep for that matter!) when I'm pedaling in the snow! It would be most inappropriate! But YOU shall listen to Motley Crue because I command it! (Paul McCartney's snarling face has a link to a zip file with the muzak: Paul McCartney "Too Many People", Uppercrust "Eureka I've Found Love", Gang Of Four "Damaged Goods", Lucero "I Can Get Us Out Of Here", Guided By Voices "Quality Of Armor", Dinosaur Jr. "Been There All The Time", Jawbreaker "Condition Oakland", Foreigner "Double Vision", Queens Of The Stone Age "Hangin Tree", Bad Brains "Banned In DC", Hot Snakes "Audit Me", Motley Crue "Shout At The Devil")

In other news, Brad (shipping) won the battle of the Body Mass Index this morning. It being the dead of winter, most of us resemble Poppin' Fresh with our doughy midsections, but Brad stepped into the octagon of pinching and walked away with a respectable 9 percent. Brad isn't much of a cyclist but apparently follows MMA fighting which the Blog can only furrow a brow at. Congratulations Brad! You've started half of the office down the path of eating disorders. Have a frank and productive weekend you blog sloths!!!

Walker: Vexes Danger

Neighborhood walkers and joggers, they seek death. They search for it every night in the Blog's neighborhood, running against traffic (as they're supposed too) but refusing to yield an inch to oncoming cars and bicycles. It's turned into a game of chicken as I ride home from work. A car comes up behind me, but a knock-kneed jogger is coming towards me the opposite direction. Hmmm. For example, last night, a trifecta of joggers running in some sort of uber-aggressive phalanx formation were fast approaching. I swerved towards the middle of the street (near the lane divider) just as a GMC Yukon flew past me honking its horn. YIKES! Close call, but luckily the joggers were fine. My dear beloved walkers and joggers, I know you love your completely non-reflective reflective belts and vests, but would it hurt you to don a light or six? Seriously, it's hard for me to notice you hobbling along at a pace you call "running" (while most would call it "50's Movie Robot Impersonating")) while I'm trying to update my Facebook status on my Droid while fiddling with my seat bag! "Riding home, multi-tasking. LOL. It's cold. AH, joggers!!!!" So as a suggestion, here are some non-invasive, tiny lights that you can attach to yourself to give those of us on conveyances a heads up....

New vendor for 2010, Knog (from Australia) have started arriving and even Joshie has to admit they have some of the best packaging in the bicycle industry. Simple, creative and easy to organize in a counter display. Below is the 1 LED "Frog" light...


These are your standard wrapping lights with no hardware required. But the question is, where would a jogger wrap a light like this? Around their throat, slowly constricting their precious air passage?


Below is the 4 LED "Skink" (LITE5745) , the 1 LED "Frog" (LITE5707) and the 3 LED "Kardashian"(LITE5733). Knog being an Australian company, be prepared to exchange "Gayzzoleen" and other bobbles and trinkets instead of cash since we all know the entire continent's economy revolves around a post-apocalyptic bartering system (as seen in the documentary, "Road Warrior")...


(This post was supposed to be titled "Margin Walkers", but I didn't think anybody would appreciate the Fugazi reference.)

Permafrost/Nixon: A Mighty Headwind

This morning was cold. Bitterly cold for the deep south. Take the dark side of Pluto, multiply it by a million and you're nowhere close to the otherworldly level of coldnosity. A hard, savage, impertinent, mildly chewy layer of permafrost was coating everything, both animate and inanimate alike. Thermometers ceased to work properly as blood-red mercury swirled into prismatic fractals mocking the mercury-smiths who still build these magical instruments by hand in filthy workshops, reeking of toil and despair. Innocuous puddles of water were instruments of slippery death while hot chocolate mongers gouged desperate joggers for their delicious, hot, life-giving elixirs. 4 dollars for a mug of Swiss Miss? I could get a party sub and two Frappacinos to go at Starbucks for four dollars. With all these things illustrating/demonstrating the brutal temperatures, The Blog and Will G. decided to ride to work because our cars are unreliable. Oh yeah, 400 mile per headwind. Swirling wind. Deafening wind. It was horrible. We were buffeted all over the bike lanes and shoulders. Little was said except for the occasional "I have phlegm on my eyelids" or "Wait, that isn't phlegm on my eyelids". After about an hour, we made it into the office and The Blog ran to the shower room to warm up! The kicker is, Eric at Cane Creek informed The Blog that it was 11 degrees in the mountains and one of his coworkers (new sales peon Chris) went for a ride, for PLEASURE? Ugh, mountain hippies. They never learn. Speaking of CC, Will G has a ZS-3 coming his way. What the heck is a headset anyway?

A lovely sunrise saturates the USC campus skyline. Oh wait, what is that in the foreground?

Zounds! A stupid train! I hate commerce and the legacy of robber barons...

Never get dressed in the dark. Left foot has a Sock Guy Magnum (discontinued) and a Defeet Blaze Wool (CLTH6731) on the right.

On another random Cane Creek note, Jeremy has a new puppy he found on a lunch time ride up there. He is a cute dog but so far nameless. Any ideas? The Blog has already suggested Colonel Lamborghini....