It's Been a Rough Week

For those who don't know, Hawley lost its service center guru Ian Foyster to an act of senseless violence earlier this week. The tragedy of the circumstances is perhaps only eclipsed by its surreality and suddenness. It's hard to put into words the collective feeling all of us felt when Steve broke the bad news. Stunned silence for three minutes as everybody tried to grapple with the reality that we'd never get to hear Ian's joyous (some might say "tuneless") singing down the hallways or his signature "Eh?", "Oy!" or "Jam-Up Jelly Tight". Everybody is going to miss Ian, a lot! Other than that, there's not much else to say is there? There's a memorial service next week and hopefully I'll have some info pertaining to a college fund set up for his daughter Haley. Here's the blurb from Bicycle Retailer:
Oh yeah, special thanks to Cane Creek for loaning Jerm back to us for the time being!

Guuuuh! Knoggin'

The Blog has been knee deep in various Knog lights that will be gracing our 2010 catalog today so that means a simple reminder for those of you in town tomorrow evening looking for a relaxed, Halloween themed ride:


Also, here is a nugget of BMX/Star Wars mash-up glory from my boy Jose Texidor...

Candy Bowl Update:Prognosis Negative

(Backstage at last week's concert. I pulled the lever but nothing cycling related occurred)

Halloween is just around the corner and that means it's time for TNT to broadcast "Halloween IV" and a seriously edited version of "Tremors II" (The director's cut has an 18 minute long Michael Gross beard trimming scene) for approximately 4 days straight. It also means candy is a constant presence in the hallowed Hawley halls. Well, it would appear front desk impresario Marcie Helms has thrown down the gauntlet and taken candy bowls to the next level. First it was Milk Duds. Then came the Whoppers. Then came the Snickers. Then Milky Ways, Three Musketeers, Twix (One of the rarer candy bowl treats) and the most delicious of them all: Kit Kat. You basically get 8 candy bars in one package because you can eat each paper-thin wafer layer at a time for maximum savoring. Marcie is a good, kind person as she keeps the bowl stocked at all times. Even more amazing is that Marcie has been paying for this candy out of her own pocket so we're planning on taking a collection and using the money to buy a jewel-encrusted talking candy bowl that speaks "Happy Halloween" in a fake Dracula voice through a crappy speaker each time you take a piece! What time does Big Lots close? Trick question hot shot, it never closes! By the way, the only point of this post is to make old man Eric Smith of CANE CREEK insanely jealous. He's probably saying to himself right now, "Dang! That Bloggy got me good!" as he whittles some sort of animal figure out of a block of pine whilst sitting in the Cane Creek cafeteria listening to a local jug band pump out some spooky tunes. Hippies. Pfft.

Said candy bowl:

Oddly enough, Marcie rebuffed my offer of an Almond Joy. It has fruit in it. Protein too. It's practically health food. It sits on her desk uneaten. That's your cue Troy. Fly my pretty and gorge! Gorge!

(Almond Joy, mint condition, MIB, OOP, $3.99 NO RESERVE!)

More Cyclocross Action...

From 60 years ago, sucka! This was way back when your typical cross course was littered with land mines, unexploded V-1 rockets, men in suits smoking cigarettes and women offering their firstborn to the racer who had stolen their hearts (and their change purses on the first set of barriers). It was a simpler time for racing. A nobler time. An era demarcated by upbeat chamber music and off-synch film speeds. Ah, to be young, European and completely unfamiliar with deodorant. Oh wait, that still applies today! C'est la vie! Click the pic for the flick:

Augusta Cyclocross: Painful

Joshie's Ibis sporting the new pink IRDs
This past Sunday, Hawlers Joshie, The Blog and Will G threw our hats into the Augusta cyclocross ring. For The Blog, it was the maiden cross voyage. For Will, it was a chance at CX3 redemption after a messy showing in Greenville. For Joshie, it was an opportunity to floss his new IRD pink cross tires in front of an adoring public. Joshie and I raced in CX4. The course was dry and the air was cool and crisp. Those were good signs. We hadn't been riding for the last 2 weeks and had been binging on Halloween candy. Those were bad signs. The race went well, relatively speaking. No wrecks for anybody, nobody threw up and Joshie didn't ride into the lake. Our buddy Dave Parrett, head of cycling stuff at Thomson raced with us and ended up making a fort out of pine cones and sticks. He was very creative and we're very proud of his efforts. In the CX3 race, Will G rolled a tire on his warm-up lap and then the rest was racing history! Will G put in a good effort and looked extra-classy in his skinsuit! On the ride home, I listened to Joshie and Jim harmonize old Hall and Oates tunes as I drifted to sleep. Roll those pointless pictures!

Pain face!

Will G on lap 3Lap 4 "encouragement"Look at the stack height on that Blue. ZOUNDS!The new Giant cross bike! Yawn.Will G creeps:Dave runs from his pine cone fort. It's haunted and filled with g-g-g-g-ghosts!Will G's flesh wound:

Welcome Back, Lilith Fair!

("We need moneeeeey")
That's right folks! America's favorite musical festival, after a deserved ten year hiatus is coming back in 2010. Just when you thought the summer music festival couldn't get any better... BOOM! A big fat Lilith bomb goes off and decimates the rock and roll landscape. Bruce McCarthy, original Lilith Fair attendee and Hawley Florida outside rep, we think it's time you dust off the neon green fanny pack, Dwayne Wayne flip up sunglasses and pleated jorts and relive "the greatest summer of my life!"; Bruce's own words when asked about following Lilith Fair for all 28 stops on its farewell tour. Sure it bankrupted him, both financially and morally, but how could he resist the dulcet warblings of a handful of moderately talented performers???

By the way, I was emailed this flyer for a critical mass next Friday! Halloween themed...
By the way, I was emailed this flyer for a critical mass next Friday! Halloween themed...
Troy (inside sales) wants everybody to know that if you sever a finger, Hammer Tissue Rejuvenator pills will NOT regenerate said finger. I love that cajun maniac!

Toddler Launch

"Toddler Launching" is the second fastest growing sport in the lower 48. You need one parent, one spawn and a whole lot of wrist snap. I snagged this photo from a website devoted to child tossing with a smattering of cyclocross images. It's insane the height some of those kids are getting. EXTREME!!!


Last night's cyclocross practice was a total disaster. Josh and I realized we have neglected the "running" aspect of our bimonthly training and were paying a heavy price. "How do you run with the bike?" "I dunno" "Well, I'm going home." "See ya!"

A cactus field sits in front of the first set of bamboo barriers:Pfft, running is for the birds and this guy. Augusta's race should be an exercise in futility yet crammed with style points galore. Crotchless skinsuits. Aero helmets. Let in soak in.... Anyhoo, that Leadville 100 movie is playing tonight here in Columbia at Sandhills around 8 PM. Not sure if I'll be able to make it but a few other Hawleyites will be milling around in the lobby looking for wayward Milk Duds strewn across the floor. Walk up, say "Hi" and offer them a handful of Milk Duds as a sign of friendship. Then taser the sucker back to the freakin' stone age!

Paris Mtn DH 2009.....The battle for Gnar continues

Even Lord Terak was so impressed with the pure gnar that he paused his flank on the hillside of Paris Mountain to watch a flurry of clean runs and clean decapitations at the second annual DH event. The course was muddy and the blood ran thick.

The opposing Ewoks who inhabit this area took the time to critisize the riders for their lack of modern technology. They are known for their arrogance and belittling comments.

One of the cleaner lines on the feared and heavily watched rock garden/turn. About 1 in 4 riders took a tumble here at least once. The ewok trip wire did not help.

While everyone else is trying to just get to the bottom of the course. Mike Mooney, of North Carolina, was shredding it up on a tall bike made of 3 different frames.

Big thanks to Glen Harston for the Fox DH kit. I didn't even race and got third place for loudest outfit on the course. Bling Bling!

After the race, the indigenous Ewoks, who have no currency, offered what they could, in gratitude for such an awesome show. This little one named "Sholo", offered me some awesome "schwag". I am currently training my new helper, whom I have lovingly named "Jeremy", to clean my home. He is currently in the A/C ducting and he knows that he will not be released until I can smell fresh air coming from the vents. "That's a good Lad.....now eat your vitals so I can give you your nightly ether."

Swine Flu!

Sorry about the lack of a post today, but Julie and Joshie got The Blog "all worked up" about the impending tsunami of swine flu that is preparing to engulf our hapless burg. I have been calling local banks asking them about rental rates for walk-in safes, etc until this horrible pestilence goes back to where it came from: New Jersey. In other boring news, a FSA cx crankset was thrown onto Jacques Lobster today. The Campy road crankset was starting to tax these tired, withered legs so it was time to turn down the intensity with something more manageable for grass and sand. Oddly enough, three different Hawleyites mentioned something about the crank arms coming loose and needing re-tightening on a regular basis. AWESOME! Not to say FSA makes a shoddy product but it was a little alarming to say the least. Oh well, we shall see soon enough...

"Race Across The Sky"! Now With 80 Percent Less Icarus Mythologizing; TIRES!

Ahoy hoy cro-mags and jobless beatniks. Another Monday is here and that means it's time to "give the drummer some". In this case, the "drummer" is actually the pugnacious Rachel Kuuuh-uh-can't remember how to spell her last name of our beloved Palmetto Cycling Coalition! Anyhoo, Rachel sent me a link to the Leadville 100 movie, "Race Across The Sky". It's being simulcast nationwide in a few, select movie theaters for ONE NIGHT, OCTOBER 22nd at 8:00 PM (EST).

(Lookie, our friends in Queen City have ample opportunity for viewing pleasure!)

That means you must be at one of the participating theaters at 8:00 PM in order to watch because they ain't rebroadcasting this on freakin' TNT or VH1 a week from now. Even if you're not into the cinema, they have Butterfingers by the bushel! Now that's value. Speaking of value, we got in our first shipment of pink, blue and white IRD cyclocross tires! Just because they're cheap doesn't mean their not "high quality" with "great value". Featuring a burlier than usual tread, these tires would be better in the slop or sand (?).

(Snazzy new packaging with a skull and cross bones theme, just in time for "Bring a Pirate To Work" Day)To be honest, The Blog hasn't ridden these yet, but Joshie is buying a set of the pinkos so we'll be able to get a first hand riding account in a few days. They're cheaper than the white Fangos, so what's stopping you from callin' up Troy and ordering half a dozen? NOTHING!

RIDER DOWN! EMPLOYEE DOWN!

Bad news on the Hawley front. The man who once described himself as a "Jack Russell terrier on crack", Mark Etzkorn, the shipping overlord yet the warmhearted patrician loved by all was involved in a nasty accident yesterday morning. Although details are sketchy at this moment, Mark was riding into work when he was struck by a vehicle. He lay in a ditch unconscious for about an hour before he came to and was able to phone for help. As of this writing, Mark has some cracked bones and is getting a lot of tests done at the hospital. Over a year ago, Mark drove into work everyday. Now, he's one of the strongest bike commuters we have, averaging about a 50 mile roundtrip from his house to work and back again. The lunatic who hit Mark and fled the scene and the resulting carnage is yet another tangible, human reason why we need more bike lanes, more awareness from drivers and more enforcement of traffics laws from the po-po. Everybody here at Hawley wishes Marky Mark a speedy recovery as his Funky Bunch is currently a rudderless ship! Be safe on the roads this weekend fellow bike riders.

Via Con Dios, Rojo E Idiota

There's an old saying in Jedi lore, it's something about the Force, the unwavering power of Love and how a light saber amputation instantly cauterizes itself. As Andy and Brittany waved goodbye yesterday, walking out of the Hawley offices forever, I fumbled for those Jedi words of wisdom, furiously paging through my brain's dusty volumes of pith but could only come up with a feeble, "Drive safely" and "Only call me if it's an emergency. Actually, don't call me, I'll call you. Do you have email? Nevermind." Before our dynamic duo could leave, one last round of Colin-baiting was to be had at a local eatery: A nasty little critter slathered in wasabi to ease Brittany back into civilian life. With a sigh of resignation, Colin agreed to the proposal and swallowed the confection with a degree of aplomb that can only be gained from being the subject of Andy abuse for over a year. Sadly, there are no pictures of Colin offroading us to the restaurant, drifting through water-soaked sand as I fought the urge to leap from his truck in addition to fighting the urge to soak my trousers. Egads, it was the white knuckle express. Anyhoo, Andy insisted on a last appearance on the blog so consider these pictures as "settling up our debts" so to speak.

Detective John Kimball presents: Fall for Greenville.

Good Job Detective Kimball, your kids are even misspelling words when they say them.

Thanks John, I know you are busy getting the lowest governor approval ratings for California in 50 years. That means alot. Here are a couple of other high members of society adding some flare to Greenville's street festival/rave/public torture/opium den.


I did the classic "Oh, look at that building. I'll hold the camera like that is what I am taking a picture of but tilt the camera towards you to capture one of the best Kentucky Waterfalls I have seen in hours."

The Navy was out doing some public torture demonstrations. This poor man was blindfolded and told that whenever he stopped doing pullups, he would be airlifted immediately to a Matchbox 20 concert. Some people have no limit to their darkness.

Nothing to see here. And no, there was no event or reason to wear that.


Best for last. Have you ever seen such a mountain crushing combination?! Take a deep-sea fishing shirt and combine it with a grade 8, mach 3.5, carbon half-life, "ape drape"/"neck blanket"/"spinx". You can turn beaches to glass by merely uttering "Gentlemen, start your engines."

Pisgah Stage Race

Jeepers creepers! The Blog almost forgot about the Pisgah Stage Race which gets started tomorrow. With all the rain this week, the trails should be extra-treacherous. Let's hope former Hawley whizkid Jeremy has thrown on a new set of Prowler SLs (TIRE7915 for those of you following along in your online catalog) for the impending slip n' slide. Scanning the registered riders list, it appears the Southern Dandy has only two other riders in his category: Peter Butt from Perth, Australia and Jeff Zimmerman from Holly, Michigan. According to an exhaustive Google search, Peter Butt likes to spend his free time being born in 1954. He is a film maker whose last work, "The Prime Minister Is Missing" chronicles Harold Holt's sudden disappearance during the Vietnam War. Interesting.

(Teenwolf's Orbea decorated by Andy and Brittany)According to Google, Jeff Zimmerman got 15th in the expert class of the 2007 Ice Man Cometh. Not sure what that means to you, but to a ravenous race animal like Jerm, that's the equivalent of a three legged caribou covered in gravy hobbling past a group of timberwolves with an "eat me" sign taped to his backside. Here's a little video of Jeremish Bishop and Sam Koerber spieling (to borrow a Mike Watt-ism) about the Pisgah Stage Race...

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