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Monday, April 05, 2010

900 Year Old Jedi Seeks Same For "Just Hanging Out" and Possibly More, No Sith

First of all, a final update on Colin versus Monster Energy drink. It appears Mr. Tice fought valiantly but when the dust settled, there were a few ounces left in the grain silo-sized can so legally speaking, we must categorize his effort as an "energy drink FAIL" which was bittersweet, both literally and metaphorically! Shoulders slumped in dejection, ocular fluid pooling at the corners of his eyelids, breathing consumptive with a hint of wheezy embarrassment, Colin packed up his office decorations and bid us farewell in accordance with the gentlemanly rules of office energy drinking. We shall all miss Colin and his "I've never met a challenge I can't be talked into" attitude and his "I've never met a demograph I can't mercilessly ridicule" sense of humor. If you're working at one of his former shops and feel an urge to call him just for old time's sake harassment, rumor has it he's dropped anchor (NOT a gastrointestinal euphemism) at a certain outfitter in the upstate of South Carolina.

Riding home last week, The Blog noticed two things. First: A sack of flimsy Santa Claus caps lying in a gully. Where did these caps come from? Why now, so close to Easter? What could this mean for our already weakened economy? After a quick recon (an office building window across the street was already full of slack-jawed secretaries watching the weirdo in the spandex), not wanting to anger the commuter gods, the random bag was left in its place, minus one crummy (I mean super-crummy) Santa cap to commemorate the bizarro discovery. To the victor go the spoils!

Then rounding a turn in West Columbia, this commuter bike was espied parked in front of the SC Autism building. It was blinged out with the requisite fenders, panniers, rack (with built-in tailight), pseudo leather saddle and grips, and bell. Stopping to take a photo, the owner nervously walked out and told me about the bike. He had purchased it from a local bike shop instead of buying online. Hooray! Even though it's a Specialized Global and doesn't have single part we carry on its frame, he seemed satisfied with the help the IBD's staff offered as this was his first bicycle purchase in quite a while. I mentioned a possible horn upgrade in his future and the "way awesomer" Schwalbe Fat Frank creme commuter tires (TIRE6790). He seemed to "tire" of my blathering as he nervously fidgeted the trigger of his already drawn revolver, but that my gentle reader is a post for another day, for another blog, called "Dueling Afficiando: I Demand Satisfaction"?

Crimony, get a load of that pannier width! Widthidity!
Even the kickstand is a Specialized. Sheesh.

1 comment:

Billy Fehr said...

I thank God you are on this earth-you just saved my day. Thank you very much...
wv: Happitar