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Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Hammer Of The Gods, Basement Of The Parents

In the world of Dungeons and Dragons, The Axe Of Dwarvish Lords first appeared in the supplement book Eldritch Wizardry. Forged long ago in the D&D world by a dwarvish king then subsequently lost in the Invoked Devastation and Rain Of Colorless Fire, the player who possesses it has all the powers of "sword sharpness". Additionally it confers on its user the keen eyesight and senses of the dwarven race, an ability to teleport at intervals and a weekly "wish" spell. The Blog likes its doubled critical hit chance in addition to its use as a throwing weapon. An added bonus is its extra damage inflicted upon goblinoid opponents, like that guy who worked at Foot Locker in high school that was one year older than you but looked like that weird nordic man-child from "Coach". Similar to IT Department Phil's mouse pad of infinite enchantment and whimsy, it does have negative effects on the user. Most notably, the user's appearance becomes more dwarflike (facial hair, girth, shrinking height, an uncontrollable desire to strangle Warwick Davis) the longer he or she is in possession of the Axe Of Dwarvish Lords. With this in mind brave warrior and Dorito-addicted social outcast, perhaps one should eschew the axe in favor of the hammer... OF PARK (TOOL63772)! Available only in "Horde Campaign Setting", Book of Artifacts, Encyclopedia Magica Volume 2.

Redesigned ergo grip keeps even the clovenest of hooves firmly attached during operation:

The dual material battle-head is made of non-enchanted rubber on one side for battling hobgoblins, kobolds, trolls and djinni while the Wisconsonian-forged steel side is effective against wraiths, manticores, chimeras, hippogriffs and rust monsters. Strength points can be lost if used against lycanthropes and displacer beasts. As with all hammers, both sides work with equal deadliness against cockney bootblacks.

The Hammer Of Park (TOOL63772) has been completely redesigned for shop paladins this year so acquaint thyself with its lustrous craftsmanship. Battle scabbard and orc gore remover/cleaner not included. The only shop hammer endorsed by level six cleric/wizard Jose Texidor. Once more into the britches!

To find out what D&D character YOU are, take this simple 126 question survey: http://easydamus.com/character.html

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