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Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Nantucket Basquiat

Have we not learned anything from PET FOOD advertising shown during episodes of "Lost"?!

[Not to go on endlessly about a stupid basket but...]

Gotta address something from this morning.What's with all the basket lid naysayers around here? George? Joshie? These knuckleheads and their completely unfounded dislike for baskets with lids??? Open basket fetishists! I don't mean to "call out" anyone or shine the harsh light of bicycle part truthiness on the teeming hordes, but baskets with lids are the best thing to happen to Hawley since Spiced Pumpkin Pie Clif bars (now 20 percent less diarrhea-inducing). Here's the thing these philistines are missing. Not only does the lid keep things from jumping out of your basket, but it keeps nosey cyclerazzi from peering INTO your basket and silently judging you based on the contents (which may or may not include the May issue of "Cat Fancy" or a similarly named but totally different in subject matter periodical). What happens if you just adopted a litter of kittens, and you put them in your LIDLESS basket and then some flop-eared neighborhood halfwit darts out in front of you chasing a ball of some sort, and as you screech to a halt the momentum launches the kittens into the air and hurls them directly into the whirring maw of Old Man Peterson's wood chipper, which just happens to be running in his front yard 'cuz he's got a lot of dead branches and then the air is filled with the anguished screams of kittens?!?!?!?! Do you want THAT to happen? Are you a sadist? Do you want to scar that neighborhood halfwit forever? What about Old Man Peterson? DID I MENTION HE JUST HAD A PACEMAKER INSTALLED?!?!?! Of course not. Please people, let's show these Visigoths like George and Josh that basket lids are the superior, nay, the SAFER choice when it comes to cruiser accessorizing. In addition to this totally unjustified rant against two of the nicest people you'll encounter in the bicycle universe, one of the nicest companies in the bicycle Universe, Chrome, mailed us our "Turds For Gold" sneakers. For one day back in March, you could mail in a pair of your dingiest tenny pumps and get a free pair of Chrome sneakers for free. Over 5000 pairs of donated shoes were collected and distributed through the San Francisco chapter of St. Vincent De Paul and Soles4Souls. Hooray for Chrome and their altruism!

On a final note, speaking of altruism torch bearers, City Year is bringing a group of middle school students to Harbison State Forest THIS Saturday to help with some much needed trail maintenance. Any and all are invited to attend. Mad Trailage starts at 9:00 AM and ends around noon. Check out the good PCC folk's event calendar for phone numbers, details, etc....

1 comment:

Magnum said...

... At first, I thought... 'damn. another post about baskets.' But I like this one, it was lol-tastic.

Feel like Chrome should've just hooked up a bunch of SF bros with some sweet 'ternative sneakers' instead of redistributing everyone else's 'dingy tenny pumps'

WV: mastabi