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Tuesday, May 26, 2009

"Well Tsaaaaali!": 12 Hours Of Tsali

Oh Gomer Pyle, you pea-brained, super-strong war monger who made us chuckle with your antics!... Saturday found The Blog at the always lovely Tsali trail system for the aptly named 12 Hours of Tsali put on by the good folk at Gone Ridin’ (apostrophe added post-edit). Hawley folk toeing the line for the full 12 hours included Kyle (graphics), Will (purchasing) Jeremy (service center) and Ole Joshie (Josh).

The weather was perfect come race day. A little sun, some clouds to keep the temps reasonable and trails that were reminiscent of a bobsled run kept the riding interesting if not quasi-dangerous for a few unlucky souls who went over the handlebars. Oh Tsali, you are a cruel if not somewhat dusty mistress! Helping out in the pits with food hand-ups was Kelly (Will’s devoted lover) and Eric (Kelly’s new devoted lover, don’t tell Will) from Cane Creek. Eric should stick with headset, er, uh “stuff” as his pit mechanic skills are somewhat lacking. Every time The Blog would roll through, Eric was either gabbing with some slack-jawed yokel, fast asleep in a lawn chair, reciting erotic haiku on the announcer microphone or wandering around, pants around his ankles blubbering “I am not ready for prime time people! Not ready! Not ready!” Despite the mental breakdown, Eric did great and his pants-less antics were a nice pick-me-up! They will haunt me in my dreams. In addition to racing, The Blog saw a lot of local shops who are on Hawley’s list of “Super-Awesome IBD’s We Love!”. Sycamore Cycles was not only the major sponsor of the race but had several teams racing, one of which included the King Of Pisgah, Wes Dickson (he finally got Eric‘s pants back on, photos withheld). Carolina Fatz was represented by Nathan Wyatt in the 6 hour race. Pretty sure he dominated. A Black Dog Bicycles jersey was seen swooshing around the trails with reckless abandon in addition to a Smokey Mountain Bikes tent and a Scott's Bikes tent on the gravel road climb. Good friend Yuri was also spied among the teeming hoards. Yuri lived in Columbia several years ago, working at Adventure Carolina as a river guide… until the incident on the Saluda. Details have always been sketchy, but let’s just say, a family of twelve from Utah on vacation, canoes, rapids, cannibalism, condor egg poaching, harpischord recitals, poisonous gas clouds, a talking possum named Darrell and not a soul survived, except the enigmatic Yuri! After the “Great Saluda Harpsichord-Talking Possum Massacre of 1999”, Yuri moved to Hendersonville where he escaped his checkered, corpse-strewn past, but The Blog digresses. So in conclusion, a bawdy, good time was had by all. Jeremy got 2nd in the Open, Joshie got 4th, Will got 2nd in single speed followed by Kyle in 3rd. The Blog finished 1st in the single speed category but rumors of black magic and bad sportsmanship tainted his victory. A forfeit is in the works. So it goes!

The back of Kyle's jersey, blurry and Bigfoot-like

"Lord Winston Two-Monocles' Ole Timey Nerve Tonic and Cholic Suppressor? What the heck? I thought this stuff had been banned decades ago!"

Yuri Gagarin, famed cosmonaut, harpsichord enthusiast and of no relation to Hendersonville Yuri, AKA Yuri Gacosmoharpsiossum...

1 comment:

dwight yoakam said...

congrats to the ole blog and brethren of the blog. nice work out there in the western most regions of the old north state.