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Monday, September 14, 2009

A Brief Missive To Joshie As He Holidays In The Left Coast

Dear Joshie,
We hope you're having a good time in San Francisco. How was your flight? Did you get a complimentary soft drink or snack? I hope they gave you the snack mix that consists of pretzels and seasoned Chex Mix. That is a most satisfying repast. Once, on a flight from Tel Aviv to Osaka, I found a penny (!) in my snack bag. Can you imagine that? What are the odds? And, "You, Me, and Dupree" was the in-flight movie! Hilarity ensued, fifteen times before the plane met tarmac. Anyhoo, every contact address you gave me is in the Castro District. I thought you were going sight-seeing. I'm sure there are plenty of sights in the Castro District, but I thought you wanted to see the Golden Gate thing with your wife? Bike Knut? And who is Darrell? And what is "Mr. Mustachio's Cabaret"? We're a little confused to say the least. Speaking of travel plans with homoerotic overtones, did you ever see "Magnum Force"? It's the second Dirty Harry movie and it takes place on the mean streets of San Francisco. There's a great scene where Harry is showing his gun to another officer. As a non-gun owner, its startling lack of anything intelligible is breathtaking:

Officer Phil Sweet: What kind of a load do you use in that .44?
Harry Calahan: It's a light Special. This size gun it gives you better control and less recoil than a .357 Magnum with wadcutters.

SAY WHAT?!? That's awesome! What are they talking about? Now you know how it feels to talk about seat tube angles, rake and wattage in front of a gun toting vigilante. You're always one incomprehensible bike term away from staring down the barrel of an unnecessarily powerful weapon. Speaking of "unnecessarily powerful weapons" Joshie, my five year old nephew had his first soccer game, EVER! He's five remember. According to reports, his dribbling could use a little work but his attitude was George Best-esque, minus the drunkenness. Look for him to set the soccer world ablaze 13 years from now. In the picture below, he and a fellow teammate remove moisture from each other's epidermis to enhance their speed and technique.

Speaking yet again of "unnecessarily powerful weapons", new super-tiny Lezyne hand pumps are finally in stock. As you can plainly see from the pictures, they're a miniscule 6.5 inches in their compacted form but are a full 12 inches when extended to pump mode. It's GO TIME!

Had the opportunity to try out one of these bad boys on Sunday's ride and it worked like a charm. Probably the easiest valve interface ever. No air loss upon dis-engagement and the pump itself fits into a jersey pocket with nothing poking out (at a diagonal)! The only reason I mention this is because you had mentioned acquiring a pump on Castro and wanted to save you the search! Just call me your old buddy who is looking out for you! I will send another letter with office requests for sourvenirs. Hope all is well!
Ole Bloggy

P.S. Troy farted on your keyboard.


Eric Wever / Pisgah Productions said...

Seriously, what's wrong with that kid's hand?

The Ghost of Jerry Reed said...


joshie said...

Haven't made it to Mr. Mustachio's yet but do you still want me to pick up that "special lube/cream" for you?
Nice pit sweat pics too by the way. Thanks!!

dwight yoakam said...

word on the street is that big joshie is gonna make his way up to Big Blue! the 'jewel of the sierra' awaits.

Miss Jumper said...