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Friday, September 11, 2009

Friday's Topic: Ride Loogies

A brief sampling of loogies ejected during road rides at an average speed of 16.5 mph.

"The Bolus" is 90 percent mucous. Heavy with considerable range:

The "Elongated Semi-Bolus" is 50 percent mucous and 50 percent water. Elongates after ejection. Splash radius of 18 inches. Elongation is dependent on water to mucous ratio:
The "Hydra" is 90 percent water/energy drink. Pleasant during warm weather rides, it is an irrigation technique used throughout Sierra Leone:
The "De-hydra" is most common during hot weather. Mostly spittle with white mucoidal deposits around the mouth. Makes a pleasant "spfpppft" sound and is a sign of dehydration or lack of rhythm:
"The Consumption" consists of blood-tinged sputum and is a symptom of tuberculosis. Many acquaintances of American poet Emily Dickinson died of tuberculosis. Sadly, Janet Dickinson has not:
The "Hydra", an ancient, nameless, serpent-like chthonic water beast that possessed nine heads and poisonous breath so virulent even her tracks were deadly. If you're ejecting Hydras from your body, you're probably a Greek god with no use for loogies, blogs or anything terrestrial:

14 comments:

colin said...

Speaking of blood spitting. Tim Welborn at Cycle Center had a friend in high school that could spit blood on command. No one knew how he did it. No joke, the guy's name was "Rusty"

brado1 said...

Good stuff... experienced all i think.... thanks for the laugh!

can't wait to see the series describing your Poo !

Palmetto Solo said...

Funny stuff luggies, the formal definition

Miss Jumper said...

sick

Christopher said...

I have the teeth of the hydra upon me. T-rex style.

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