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Thursday, September 17, 2009

"You people sit tight, hold the fort and keep the home fires burning. And if we're not back by dawn... call the president."

Well, Joshie has been in San Francisco for umpteen days and we have neither seen nor heard from our intrepid graphics department savant/feral man-child. Who knows what strange, mysterious adventures Joshie has found himself embroiled? Perhaps a trip to Chinatown for the procurement of all-natural "enhancement" herbs has led to more nefarious, unspeakable activities amongst the seedier populace? We can only speculate and then pass these speculations off as fact. After consulting our Joshie Tracker, it seems the gentle giant has been firmly planted in the Castro district, probably visiting boutique after boutique satisfying his philatelistic longings.

Oh how we wish we were by his side, perusing book after book in search of the odd Scinde Dawk, Perot Provisional or Treskilling Yellow! Anyhoo, since we cannot be by Joshie's side like so many conjoined twins, we have done the next best thing: using his personal coffee mugs all week. By "using", we must clarify that no liquids have been consumed from said mugs, but a few liquids have been distilled within them! Huzzah! To celebrate these defilements, Judy in accounting bought several boxes of Krispy Kreme donughts for the office.

She said they were in fact for Cindy's (customer service honcho) 38th birthday, but The Blog knew that they were a subtle "thank you" from our friends in accounting. We're all in this thing together people and don't... you...forget...it! So while we're speaking of desecrating Joshie's personal belongings, let's make a list of the souvenirs the Blog hopes to get upon Joshie's return: Barry Bonds Spaghetti Strap Tank Top (XXL), Grateful Dead Embalming Fluid (72 oz), "World's Worst Trolley Accidents" (paperback), "Big Trouble In Little China" movie poster autographed by James Hong who played David Lo Pan, Black Blood of the Earth, and a vhs copy of "A View To A Kill". It's funny, the last half of that movie is better than visiting San Francisco because your tour guides are a raisin-textured Roger Moore, an incomprehensible sociopath named Christopher Walken and a shape-shifting Grace Jones.

Oh yes, while we're talking aimlessly about San Francisco, lets turn the unflinching spotlight on one of the Bay Area's most infamous bike companies: Soma! Founded by French Huguenots in the 1700s, Soma originally made a heady, intoxicating elixir that was sold to the inhabitants of an Aldous Huxley novel. Then after a few centuries, they switched over to bike parts, bought a Salad Shooter, out fiddled Satan, released two Slick Rick E.P.s and the rest was bicycle history! Here is their latest saddle, the Tabo. It has nothing to do with the fabled Selle Italia TUR-BO saddle except everything, but at an affordable price that'll leave more money in your pocket for your ungrateful children who secretly want to murder you! But getting back to the saddle, I have nothing more to say about it except that it is comfy, white and ready for your hind quarters! Good day!


Miss Jumper said...


dwight yoakam said...

while very similar to the Castro, joshie (and jess) were spotted in my house yesterday.