Have A Nice Weekend... Suckas!

Here are cycling related blogs that The Hawley Blog finds mildly entertaining. Acquaint thyselves:

http://www.straitline.blogspot.com/
http://storckdemotour.blogspot.com/
http://waltworks.blogspot.com/
http://teamdicky.blog.com/
http://www.jeffkerkove.net/
http://29ercrew.com/
http://spokenhub.spaces.live.com/default.aspx
http://bikecentric.blogspot.com/
http://elwever.blog.com/
http://whereonearthisbill.blogspot.com/
http://boxedbee.blogspot.com/
http://fuzzyjohn.blogspot.com/
http://www.wakeracing.com/
http://wicki-wicki.blogspot.com/
http://extrmtao.blogspot.com/
http://palmettosolo.blogspot.com/ (total loser)
http://www.hipsternascar.com/
http://bikeportland.org/
http://www.copenhagencyclechic.com/
http://stc-cycling.blogspot.com/
http://bikesnobnyc.blogspot.com/

Oh yeah, check it out....

(FSA bmx spider)

An Email From Brantley!

Hey Ya'll,
Denver is great. Now I know why they call it the Mile High City! I read the blog post yesterday. Very funny. No, that is not my suitcase, it is my daughter's! But seriously, I left some of my medications on top of my desk and was wondering if you could mail them to me overnight. Here is a list (minus a few);
My osteoporosis meds:
Alendronate
Etidronate
Ibandronate
Risedronate
Risedronate B
Zoledronic acid
My alzheimer meds:
Razadyne
Reminye,
Exelon®
Rivastigmine
Aricept
Donepezil
Cognex
Tacrine
Cognex
My parkinson's meds:
Levodopa
carbidopa
Sinemet
Pramipexole
Ropinirole
Bromocriptine
Pergolide
Amantadine
trihexyphenydil
Also, I need my prostate, pancreas, kidney, colon, liver and rectum meds sent in a separate bag marked "Urgent". Oh and can you ask Troy to give me back my Viagra? Thanks guys! Let me know if you want any souvenirs! I'm pretty sure we saw Jon Elway at TGI Friday's last night! I've always been a Knute Rockne fan but you know how young people are! Take care everybody!
Yours Truly,
I can't remember my name


Dirt, younger than Brantley...

Brantley: Inside Salesperson, Army Ranger Killing Machine, Disgruntled Child Runaway

Nobody in the office (or anywhere else) knows what to make of Brantley's latest (and somewhat desperate) attempt at drawing attention to himself. Last month, his company sandbox reenactment of the fabled GI Joe versus Cobra, Battle on Easter Island went unnoticed by his coworkers. Then his balloon animal parade though downtown Lexington got little if any press, although The Red Bank Ledger made a brief mention of it in their "People To Avoid" column under the heading: Local Man Stops Traffic With Balloon Animals, Then Taser-Gunned". And finally, two days ago, 'Brantley's Ole Timey Lemonade" stand was shut down by DHEC after it was discovered that his "ole timey lemonade", although yellowish in appearance, was NOT lemonade. Brantley later insisted it was "all natural". After another taser-gunning, it seems Brantley has had enough. His Hello Kitty suitcase was ostentatiously packed yesterday and this morning, we found this on his desk:

Brantley's favorite GI Joe, Big Shirtless Hank:

Jam-packed with adult diapers and shiny things:
Studies show lemonade stand profits increase 8 fold when you don't pee in your lemonade.

Schwalbe Stelvio Sighting!

These have to be the pink Stelvios that yours truly had on his commuter for 5 months. Notice how they pip Tina Pic at the line. Next time Tina, buy some pink Stelvios and you might actually win a race! (late edit. Tina Pic won this race last year and is dominating women's racing like Jose dominates our bathroom after one of his many visits to Mr. Fish.)

Hello Stelvio!

Can you spot the pink Stelvio? I can't!The battle for 2nd!
And Brooke Miller (Tibco) snatches second place from Tina Pic (Colavita/Sutter Home)

Tube Cutter Mondays, Ladies Pay No Cover Charge!

(available in our Online Catalog as FOOD11907 or BISCUIT4301)
I have no idea what this post's title is supposed to mean or allude to. It is a mystery. It popped into my head, much like the image of a Bojangles bacon, egg and cheese biscuit pops into my head every morning at 7:30. I could be on my bike commuting to work in the Platt Springs bike lane or sitting in my car at a stop light listening to WKIE (All Chewbacca, all the time) or wandering around my house looking for something relatively clean to wear or passed out in somebody's front yard, curled up in a fetal position, naked as a newborn baby. It doesn't matter. Without fail, a very lifelike and vivid image of a delicious biscuit projects itself into my ocular receptors. So what is that all about? Any guesses? Why doesn't Bojangles sponsor a cycling team? I'd tell you why but it would be both vulgar and possibly open to litigious retribution from the Bojangles anti-defamation league (sic. lawsuits). In other succulent cycling news, say hello to the newest member of our TUBE cutter family: The Syntace Speed Cutter 1.5! (TOOL3011) Will this tool make you faster? Absolutely not! Will it make you more appealing to your coworkers? Outlook not so good! Could it be mistaken for a lobster claw during one of your midnight snack food binges? All signs point to yes! As a brief addendum to today's post, the Hawley Blog has switched to a 100 percent Magic Eight ball-powered decision and protocol efficiency engine. This decision was made (after consulting the Magic Eight Ball, of course) for two reasons. First, it allows the Hawley Blog and its board of directors to expedite blog-related issues and decisions at a faster rate that keeps this blog on pace, if not light years ahead, with other bicycling distribution blogs (all 1 of them!). Secondly, it absolves the primary curator-author of the Hawley Blog from any responsibility for potentially offensive or slanderous posts. For example, I asked myself "Are Syntace Tube Cutters made from balsa wood and Milk Duds?" A quick shake of the Magic Eight Ball and the answer reveals itself: "You may Rely On It!" So there, as if spoken from on high, my question is answered while at the same time shielding me from a potentially bank account-ruining lawsuit!

A delicious lobster claw that's good at "cuttin' tube"
An artist's rendering of a lobster:
Former Hawley Blog decision maker Francis Gelbarshot and his Mullet of Knowledge. The crystal ball was just for show. Does this he/she rock your world??? All signs point to yes!

Lustrous, Valuable Metal... Motley Crue?

GOLD! Empires have flung themselves to the farthest reaches of the world in search of it. Nations for centuries have girded their economies upon it. Alchemists have searched in vain to recreate it. 1980s break dance crews and action TV shows starring George Peppard subsisted off of it. Flash-forward to the present day. Now go back a few hours because you've gone too far. Now peruse our online catalog post haste, because when it comes to gold bicycle chains and the merciless shenanigans of Spanish conquistadors and their subsequent annihilation of indigenous people, there is nothing better, NOTHING I TELL YOU (!) than the KMC Z-10 1/8" chain (CHAN10027). Put it on your bike and flaunt your newly acquired wealth and self-respect (known as "flossing" in the Rosewood neighborhood, where many an ankle has been broken by my wicked cross over and James Worthy-esque reverse lay ups). Wear it around your neck, adorned with bobbles and trinkets and pity fools, many fools. Flog an insolent cockney bootblack with it! "This will chain your unfettered tongue you scurrilous knave!!!" Oh yeah, have a nice weekend...

Chain of Command: KMC Just Barfed Up a Skittles Rainbow!

The Hawley Blog is a cruel, cruel mistress. Neither sickness, allergy attack, bodily injury or impending mental collapse is an excuse for skipping an update, so I have wrapped my still bruised and tender ribs in some Cinelli bartape, gulped down a few caffeine-laden Clif Shots and sat down to boldly go where no Hawley blog post has gone before. Loosely translated, we got KMC chains in and they're a little on the ridonkulous side. You like color? Well, COLOR YOU BADD because Carissa (aka Hurricane Carmen, aka The Southern Dandy, aka White Lightnin') has taken leave of her senses and brought in some KMC chains that will overpower your senses, leaving your head spinning as that feeble excuse for a pair of eyes in your melon head try and take in the overpowering hue tsunami (which shall henceforth be known as hue-nami, copyright pending sucka!) that is soon to be girding the drive train of your fixie, track, bmx, road, mountain or cyclocross bike. Red, white and gold should be here by August, but who freaking cares? We got Purple! We got Electric Blue! We got Hobo-Urine Yellow! And for you fashionistas, we have the ever popular Pink! Put the kettle on and call the neighbors over, it's a KMC chain freak-out!!!

Bruised Ribs

My ribs are bruised beyond human comprehension. Precious blood has been diverted from my brain to my lungs in a vain attempt to soothe the sharp, stabbing pain that occurs with every breath. Thus, the brain is on emergency power mode, barely operating with enough power to fire off a few neurons and synapses. Motor skills have been reduced to the basics. I eat, I breath, I have generalized motor skills, I have avoided soiling my britches (as of this writing). My speech patterns have been sporadic throughout the day, vacillating between simple sentences and paleolithic grunts. Pointing has become the communication of choice. In conclusion, bicycle- related pontificating must be suspended in these desperate times. Enjoy these highlights from www.cuteoverload.com, my only solace in these dark days...

Overwhelming Colorfast

Spotted then captured by Joshie at 24 Hours of Booty:

Do you see the Beto Baby Seat (BAST3050)? Holds a full-size baby or man-child. Do you see the man-child? Really?
Do you see the total lack of blogging inspiration for today? If so, then you're a liar. I'm very inspired to "bring tha pain" to the Hawley blog. You've just been served, courtesy of The Hawley Blog.

Warehouse Expansion Update!

From the construction site manager's blog, "Taboo Haiku: Construction Poetry For the Man on the Go!"

Concrete slab is done
Steel things are up in the air
We Are On Schedule

Dune buggy chassis
Painted like the Stars and Bars
Rocks my freakin' world!

The crew prepares to erect more steel girders:
The construction site in its entirety:
Chocolate makes me happy:
HOW DO THEY NOT COLLAPSE? NECROMANCY!!!
Future site of the new graphics department office. Can you see my cubicle? Silly! That IS my cubicle!
If Dracula bought a dune buggy from my grandpa, it would like similar to this one:

Weekending... Or a Weak Ending...

...to this week's blog installments? I don't know and I don't care. The only thing apparent as of this writing is that "everybody looks good in a Limar!" Check it:


Stay tuned next week for a fresh installment of "What Is It?" (mystery part provided by Brian in purchasing) , "Where Is It?" (as we follow hot on Rizzle's heels as he tracks down a missing crank bolt) and "What Was It?" as we do a post-mortem on Mr. Fish's "chicken" sandwich. How can you not read this blog?



"Stay crunk ya'll"

The Hawley Company's Inner Demons

Eleven 81 pedals at Carolina Fatz. Aggressive by nature, Eleven 81 pedals congregate in herds, muscling out other lesser pedals for prime retail grazing land....
Brain storming is a dangerous undertaking, fraught with peril... sweet, succulent peril. Around these parts, brain storming is even more dangerous because of the sweltering temperatures, the feral and somewhat carnivorous purchasing department and a never-ending accounting department candy bowl whose sugar laden treats leave the mind disoriented and exhausted. So it was with trepidation that we gathered in Action Station Tango-Alpha (Derrick and Josh's office for the uninitiated) to come up with Hawley/Interbike advertisements, as the last brainstorming session left me in the ICU for 4 weeks. "The horror... the horror" (heck yeah, I'll rip off big Joe Conrad)

Actual quotes heard in the brain-drizzle session and transcribed for your pleasure:

"If I wrote a blog. I dunno, it'd say: Today I woke up. Then I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich"

"Dave Carson is the only Hawley employee who could be pictured in pine cone form"

"Candy!"

"Let's just have half the page totally blank!"

"That exerciser ball gave me an idea. It's kinda weird"

"Well OK, so that means we're right back where we started"



"Hi there! I'm Dave Carson! I run the purchasing department at Hawley! In addition to that, I'm a pine cone... and yes ladies, I'm spoken for"

Off Track Shilling and Reflections on Estelle Getty

This barely counts as shilling, but when has that ever stopped this shilling juggernaut of a blog before? Anyhoo, everybody knows about Cane Creek track wheels and everybody knows we shill, I mean sell them so I figured I'd spotlight their wheels on an actual bike instead of the ubiquitous catalog-product shot. The wheels in question are the Track V's (part number WHEL70301 for those of you keeping score at home). Notice the lustrous blue anodized finish on the hubs! Now that's some home cookin', skink style! We hope former Hawley purchaser and current Cane Creek B-Boy Eric S. logs some miles on the Parkway this summer atop his new fixie. Speaking of fixed gears and B-boys, we're all gonna miss Estelle Getty. Mostly known for her stint as Sophia on "Golden Girls", those of us at Hawley have a special place in our collective heart for her riveting performance as Sylvester Stallone's mother in "Stop Or My Mom Will Shoot". The cycling world has lost a giant.

Blue tires! Fresh! Platform pedals! Not so fresh (feeling)!
"Brrrppt! Brrrppt! Doo-bee-doo-bee-doo! Wakka wakka! Hmmmmmmmm. Boo ya!"
-Estelle Getty's acceptance speech after winning an Emmy in 1991.

Happy Belated Birthday to Jessica and a Few More Asheville Bikes

"I ate this cake and now I got full blown diabetes... and then came the tummy ache"
This post is a somewhat belated birthday wish to significant other and significantly better half (better at runnin' her yapper! zing! zing! oh snap!) of Josh Baker (Graphics), Jessica. More importantly, this post is something of a love sonnet, a votive pledge and a supplicatory vow to uphold all things related to birthday cake and the deliciousness inherent within all cakes of a celebratory nature (with the lone exception being "Get Out of Jail Soon!" poundcakes which have 12 inch long files baked into them). Never one for understatement, Josh "took the cake" with an eight layer monolith to tooth decay and diabetes that can only be described as Jurassic. It weighed 68 pounds, used 51 eggs, 27 pounds of sugar, 16 wheel barrels of icing and cost 12 immigrant laborers their lives during its construction (our prayers go out to their families). Not to wander from today's blog post title, the second part of this post showcases a few of the interesting bicycles and bicycle components we saw hanging around the crits with the usual commentary:

A racer from Charlotte sits astride his Storck, CD 1.0 weighing his post-race brunch options. Needless to say, he had the Eggs Benedict.
A twelve year old whipper snapper rode this Chinese fabricated Orbea in both Junior and Cat 5 races. Now that's what I call good old fashioned child abuse! Notice the sweet Deep V rims. Yeah, we sell those puppies! And oh yeah, he had the Eggs Benedict.
Here's an Industry Nine road hub. Totally rips off the Shimano 105 hub!
A random Jittery Joe's team frame. I have nothing positive to say about this picture. Do you? If so, send your comments to jsnyder@hawleyusa.com with the subject heading "eggs benedict"