Big Ups To Dan G.!

You're right, "A Sighing Unicorn" and "Ironic Nun Haggis" (the title to a blog post from a couple days ago) are in fact anagrams of "Sugino Chain Ring"! Congratulations, you have no life! Just kidding, The Blog has no life. You have some life, but that precious amount is being squandered on anagrams, as it should be. Now squander a little more on this nugget of silliness:

Tai-wanton Disregard For Human Life: Teenagers Suck

The Blog almost fell asleep on its ride into work this morning. Luckily, the car full of high school ne'er do wells did their best to wake me from my somnambulance as they buzzed by with a honk followed by obscenities (well, a naughty word screamed twice) from the rolled down window. You rascally kids! Got to love 'em! Oh well, they're the future so we're all doomed. Doomed I tell you! But The Blog digresses...Dave and Brian brought some goodies back from Taiwan. One of these "goodies" is a handlebar stereo system from our good friends (they are faceless strangers to us) at Tommyca. Instead of riding with pesky ear buds or studio headphones (reference above photo), the Tommyca pumps out smooth bass and piercing treble entertaining rider and passerby alike! Best of all, it plays your mp3s, FM radio, internal 2 GB storage, usb compatible for recharging and LED lights with 6 hour playback (with the lights on!) for those twilight shenannigans. Biz Markie's "The Biz Never Sleeps" not included, but highly recommended.

Looks like a phone! A banana phone!


LED lights on the front for visibility!


Handlebar bracket!
There can be no doubt, you shall see this attached to Ole Blue's handlebars at various watering holes around town in the near future

Sunny Day Wheel Estate

Sunday saw the temps in the upper 60s, zero humidity, lots of sunshine and a refreshing if not somewhat stiff breeze. A week full of rain meant Harbison was off limits and road riding seemed unpalatable. Thus, all options pointed to taking Ole Blue out for some city riding, picture taking, bell ringing, hand waving and some I-Pod listening (New Mastodon Record!!!). Good weather means everybody will be out riding and today was no different. I didn't get any "action" shots but saw a few interesting bicycles resting comfortably, one of them will most surely enrage Kyle, especially when I tell him it was parked outside and is in fact owned by an American Apparel flunky, err I mean employee who will probably not be throwing down at the velodrome any time soon after a quick conversation with a cigarette puffing waif who eyed my John Deere hat with disdain and suspicion. One cigarette equals one third of a meal for those not in the know...

An interesting green singlespeed outside the USC art department. Lots of good lock spots around but the trash can's odor was too inviting to this rider! Yummers!


It's such a nice day, somebody is building a bike outside! Perhaps this frame came from First Flight Bikes? Hmmmmmm???


Two singlepseeds caught in the middle of reproducing. We are indeed lucky to be witnessing this disgusting act!


Rocking the Planet Bike light. This shall please Sandy.


A raw frame rambler parked outside the Nickelodeon. Nice handlebar tape!

The American Apparel bike in all its glory!!!

Dave Carson: "There Will Be Blood"

AWWWWW YEAH!

Got a chilling email last night from Dave. In a nutshell, the purchasing guru is displeased with his blog appearances in a) a groin-strangling harness surrounded by a panda b) the form of a naughty Siamese cat. Dave said he will have his revenge and that my life is about as worthless as a Salsa cromoto S.U.L stem. Please Dave, The Blog only made those images as tribute, as celebration of your glorious and Olympian stature in this office of miserable cephalopods! Let The Blog make it up to you! I'll clean your litter box out for the rest of the year! Catnip flavored coffee? A tasty ball of yarn to tumble around with??? Speaking of kittens, Vanderkitten are riding their Storcks in the Redlands Bicycle Classic. Not sure how the ladies are doing but Siamese cat Dave is pulling for you! Hopefully we'll be getting Vanderkitten "kits"(!) in stock in the near future. The blog is looking forward to slipping its sinewy six foot nine frame into a pair of small women's bibs. Oh yeah! Inappropriate!One of the Kittens chases down another racer at the Redlands prologue

A Sighing Unicorn? Ironic Nun Haggis?

Nope! Sugino chain ring! Mentioned in yesterday's post, we're getting all things Sugino in stock from the land of the Rising Sun... and it couldn't be a moment too soon as the track butterflies are starting to emerge from their winter cocoons in search of fresh new track gear to flaunt at the velodrome, much like a Monarch flaunts its garish wings during the aerial stage of its reproduction cycle. Shown are the 42 tooth "Messenger" rings so uh, yeah, not sure how much good they'd be on the velodrome or on the mean streets of messengerville, but they'll aid you in your reproduction cycle, sicko. What do you think, adrogynous Sram Red ninja?

AT-AT A Boy!

This type of nerdiness yet sublime cute-inosity deserves to be shared with the unwashed rabble who peruse these electronic missives over their morning bowl of watery gruel before they trudge off to their particular occupation, flogging beggars or rinsing filthy shreds of rags for pennies (we're looking right at you Dicky and Billy). I try not to think of it as it upsets the bile... Further bilious cuteness may be found here, here, but certainly not here. Did I mention we have a motherload of colorful Sugino track goodness in stock now? It matters not; it is not an AT-AT...

MTB Act-shunned: Your Camera Has Stolen My Soul, Good Sir

Yesterday's post was concerned with Billy's new header image. It had a Hawley catalog and a cute lil' puppers so The Blog was distracted to no end! Because of said distraction, this weekend's mountain bike ride was neglected. Perhaps the neglect was good as the ride itself was nothing extraordinary, but perhaps the lack of "extraordinariness" made the ride all the more palpable (palatable), if not satisfying? Herb Mantel, the pride of Fort Mill and former bmx sparring partner of Tinker Juarez (for realz!) dragged The Blog all around Harbison State Forest for a couple hours. After bidding adieu to Herb, The Blog went back to retrieve a Craft glove dropped on the trail. As luck would have it, The Blog rolled up on a visibly angry Teenwolf. His headphones appeared to be giving him trouble. Freaking roadie, wearing an Astana kit on the dirt?!?!? Roll down the trail and look who shows up but local man-about-town Toby Porter! Toby chats a bit, shows off his Vicious fork (yes, we sell them, in addition to their pint glasses, shot glasses and water bottles. If you want a frame, you're gonna have to call them), his Ergons and proceeds down the trail in search of Teenwolf. Thats a pretty aggressive pose, young Toby!

A few more minutes of riding and up rolls Jim Snyder, the secret shame of the purchasing department (or as Dave calls him, "Daddy's Lil' Secret")! Jim is getting a few hours of secret training in for the Grind on the Greenway race in April. The Blog is content to let Jim continue his ride as the legs and arms are in the red zone. By the way, Jim is sporting the 661 Evo glove with D30 technology... whatever that means!


A primitive rock formation left by our alien overlords centuries ago. When they return, will they be bearing gifts, or weapons of unimaginable power? That is unclear, but their rock structures suck.

Some lovely singletrack next to a creek. This is the kind of trail Eric at Cane Creek always complains about NOT having in Asheville. I guess Pisgah isn't good eough for Mr. 110...

Sumptuous singletrack next to the Broad River. The Blog had the pleasure of being in a short-lived rap group called Broad River Playaz in 2001. We named ourselves after the meandering river and the colorful local history it evoked. Also, we rented an underwater superfortress at its headwaters.


What's left of the rock garden on Spiderwoman Trail. You stupid joggers! You ruined it for everybody. When our alien overlords come back, we'll volunteer you first for the nutrient vats and slave labor colonies in the Magellanic Clouds. Then we'll see who's laughing and who's having their brains and anuses removed and subsequently switched for alien "research"...

(the procedure described above is known as "gettin' a Brainus". Most unpleasant)

Silly Billy!

Billy is an independent bike store's dream. He loves bikes, rides bike for a living, is loyal to his shop and thrashes bike parts like nobody's business. And who does his local shop order from when Billy needs something for his bike? Hawley! By the way, Billy's dog can't read (just to avoid confusion)....

Craft Sneak Peek, Pake Sneak Peek and Dave Is a Crime Against Nature

It's a slow, dog-dangling Friday afternoon but that doesn't mean we can't show you the new and somewhat exciting plum purple hoodie from Scandinavian geniuses, CRAFT! With Andy out of town on Storck related business, Brittknee demanded some "sweet precious blog time". Since our mannequin is MIA, we killed two birds with stone and acquiesced to Brit'nee's demands while at the same time scoring some images for next year's catalog.In Pake related news, looks like next month's Masterlink could-may-might just have a delicious COMPLETE Pake commuter bike build for dealers of discerning taste and impeccable judgement. What do you get for your customer who has everything? A jewel encrusted brandy snifter? A monocle that sees the future? An opera hat made from the silk of an enchanted spider? A walking stick carved from the horn of a Narwhale? A You, Me and Dupree collector's DVD? Nay gentle reader, you get them a Pake and then tell them to "quit carpin!" Please review these enhanced images for your enhancement.
Jose puts the final touches on her: he scratches "Jose Is Sexy" on the downtube:
Here she is outside in the hot sun. Notice the Campy Veloce group! Now that's Italian!Here she is, indoors, concentrating like crazy! The fluorescent lights make her color a little more yellow than intended, and a little lighter, but that's showbiz for you. Mind your own business.Here's a little something to tide you over for the weekend: Dave Carson, Siamese Cat

More Ramblings From Dave Plus Assorted Odds and Ends

Dave and Brian Taiwan update:
"Hi Guy!
Day 3 in Taiwan and I gotta tell ya, I've never had so much coffee! After a quick meeting with Ritchey and then a tour of a factory that makes edible saddles, I strapped myself into my new coffee assimilation harness. It frees up the kidneys and belly for coffee while keeping the spine straight! I wore it out last night and it caused quite the buzz. Then I got arrested but that has nothing to do with anything! I visited Mai-Ling at the Taiwan zoo. She tried to drink my coffee so I body-slammed her! Serious ya'll!

Hugs and kissy kissy,
Dave
PS- Brian has flown the coop"


Dave is the man behind Eleven81 product line so it would please the big guy immensely to find out that a pro road team is running Eleven81 stems, handlebars and seat posts! And not just running them, but winnng on them! And not just winning on them, but dominating on them! Please read about domination at the Team Mountain Khakis website. I know, the name is a puzzler but what can you do?

Thursday Morning Miracle!

Teenwolf was played like a fiddle, yet again. Young McNasty arranged with Orbea to buy Teenwolf his coveted frame as a wedding gift. The guys at Orbea were in on the prank, sadly telling Teenwolf last week that his frame had been sent to the Orbea Museum in Spain (!), many regrets, etc. The Blog could barely contain itself last week as a crestfallen Teenwolf related the bad news. But as so often happens around here, Teenwolf had his mind blown/boggled when his museum bound frame showed up in the office! Most Duplicitous Award is a tie between McNasty and Cindy (customer service hefe)! Huzzahs to all!

Teenwolf, prior to his surprise lashes out at The Blog. "No pictures you stupid head!"Uh oh, what is this? Teenwolf cautiously opens the frame box, sensing a prankIt's not a prank! It's a frame!And what a frame! What an ugly, vomit-inducing frame!"Dude, this bike gets nothin' but the best! Sora group baby!!!!"

Dave Carson: Taiwan Update (Made Skillz)

Just received this disturbing email from Dave and Brian:
"Hi Guy!
Taiwan is still great! Day 2 was full of meet and greets, a complimentary showing of "You, Me and Dupree" and more coffee. After a few pots at breakfast, we met the Taiwanese finance minister. He spoke with me about exports but all I heard was "Coffee, coffee, coffee!" Then I made some of my own lemonade on the sidewalk because I had too much of that delicious coffee! Just kidding, you can never have enough coffee! OK, bye bye!
Day-Day Carson

PS- Brian is still being detained and I got a tattoo across my chest that says "Caf-fiend". Don't tell Linda or I'll cut you, pretty boy."

It's a shame Dave is in Taiwan because we just got in our FIRST shipment of Singleworks track bar grips. They come in black, but Dave gave in to peer pressure in addition to the chorus of angry voices in his head, and ordered blue, red, orange and green. These grips are 30 percent "grippier" than last year's Singleworks grips, but are the same low price! Now that's value you can't shake a stick at! Unless it's a "great value" stick, which doesn't exist, so you're a freaking liar.
In other important track cycling news, acquaint thyself:

Ask The Experts! (Not Affiliated With "Consult A Carny")

Scientific American has a handy little application. If you're too lazy to look up a science-related question yourself, you can type a question and an "expert" at Scientific American emails you back with a response! It's that easy people!

Dave Carson: Coffee-Fueled Madman

Dave and Brian (purchasing department) are in Taipei for the gigantic cycling show. Dave sent this quick email:
"Hi Guy,
Just writing to tell you how much fun we're having in Taiwan! The plane ride was 22 hours but the back to back showings of "You, Me and Dupree" made it fly by!
Our hotel room is quite nice. It has a coffee maker and a bed that is shaped like a coffee maker. I like to imagine I'm a coffee bean and that my bed is percolating me! I look forward to drinking some coffee tomorrow and checking out the first day of the show. I wouldn't mind a quick stop at the coffee booth. They sell coffee! Imagine that guy! OK, well time for coffee because tomorrow is coffee coffee coffee! Coffee? Coffee coffee.

Coffee,
Dave

PS- Brian has been detained in customs indefinitely. "

Race Round-Up: Better Than Chloroform!

This weekend brought the rain, the drunkards and apparently a good bit of Hawley-related racing! Saturday had Will and Kyle mixing it up (sic. violently accosting children) with the Cat 5s at the Blythewood Crit while Service Center dynamo Jeremy Edge traveled to Heritage Park for the first round of the Dirty Spokes Endurance series. Will and Kyle finished mid-pack but made up for it with top 5 finishes at Sunday's race. Jeremy and Terrapin partner Chris J-something put the serious hurt on the competition winning by a lap and some change, much to Terrapin boss Mike Stanley's chagrin who had bet against them. A dispirited second place duo from Mean Bean commited ritual sepuku trailside. The bodies have yet to be claimed.

"Gaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!" A feral Jeremy Edge fights his inner animal...
At Sunday's rain-sodden crit, a lone spectator creeps out a Global Bike rider...
A rider for new local team Carolina Velo (translated: Veal Made In Carolina) dreads seeing the creepy lone spectator in the poncho...
The peloton crests the hill. One of these riders is humming Vampire Weekend's "A-Punk" to himself. Guess who? I think you'll be pleasantly surprised!
The proof is in the pudding, the pudding of competitive cycling:
(late edit. Check out Andy Applegate's gnar-ish race injury. Barf!)