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Sunday, March 01, 2009

Tales Of Intrigue, Adventure, Zip Ties and Head Wounds

(An example of late '80s airbrushing, "Becky and Gary with Rainbow and Unicorn", Chicago Museum of Art, on loan from Richard Polsky)Greetings and salutations gentle reader. A brief tale of improvisation: Three hours before a Broadway themed concert the Blog was playing with a symphony at a locale that shall remain anonymous, the Blog realized that it had left its tuxedo shirt studs in Columbia. With nary a map or even general idea where a tuxedo shirt stud emporium or cobbler would be in the vast, airbrushed t-shirt, Harley-themed steak restaurant/saloon landscape, the Blog realized it must rely on necessity and something about it being the mother of invention. Inspiration struck as The Blog remembered reading something about the universal universality of zip-ties, perhaps on this blog? A quick sojourn to Dollar General and the necessary makeshift studs were procured. A brief mishap: Whilst waiting in line, being subjected to a fellow line-stander coughing her disease-riddled sputum on everyone in a ten meter radius, the Blog dropped its car keys. After bending down to retrieve the keys, the Blog bashed its head on a railing next to the cash register. Stars were seen, blood was drawn and laughter was probably stifled. After a few apologies and an exchange of money for goods and services, the Blog left with its "cuff-ties" (copyrighted so don't even try it!) and a lovely gash on its forehead! If one thing can be learned, it is this simple truth: zip ties are the most important thing ever invented. A corollary truth: Hawley carries the never-ending jar of Wheels Manufacturing zip ties. On its label, it says "600", but that is a fallacious claim. Trust the Blog, there is an infinite number of zip ties in the jar, for a finite amount of money. You won't find value like this.

Tux shirt minus studs.
Introducing the zip tie (or cable tie if you want to get specific)This screams "Classy and sassy!""Jar O' Ties", arranged in a festive floral style!

(edit. The "zip ties" are in the "cables and housing" category of the catalog)

(post-edit. Pretty sure Tobe always travels with a set of zip-ties inserted deep within his body)

4 comments:

Adam said...

Thirteen years ago, a friend forgot his bow tie at a similar concert.

Fortunately, we had electrical tape.

Unfortunately, these were the days before digital cameras, so my friend's MacGyver-style sartorial brilliance was sadly limited to an audience of several dozen.

In conclusion, add electrical tape to your box o' tricks.

joshie said...

sartorial? you think you're so smart. we all know what sartorial means, robot jackass.

Adam said...

You know, it's about a 35-mile walk from BWI to Lafayette Square on Sunday... might want to pack an S&S-coupled bike.

Miss Jumper said...

how's yo head, peanut?