Pong Secretz

Nothing brings an office together like ping pong. Nothing brings together an IT department like the prospect of hunting homeless people for sport. In lieu of "the most dangerous game", Dr. Philgood and Brian (Life Of) take to the paddles for a secret match to determine IT supremacy in a world on the verge of collapse...

Gravel Travel

A few Hawley folk traveled up to Asheville to throw down at the Gentlemen's Race hosted by an anonymous Cane Creek stooge. The first KOM sucked, the following time trial was abhorrent, the Avery Creek KOM was diabolical and the slimy paste of Gatorade and road dust on my water bottle's spout made each swallow a larynxical adventure. To put it mildly, this easily ranks in the top five of the most epic rides/races I have ever had the misfortune of signing up for. Big ups to Brooklyn ya'll!

Pete and Pete

Just a quick glance at a couple interesting things on Pete's (Cane Creek honcho) bike from Saturday's race:

New Old Stock Campy Crank
Form over function water "bottle" which was changed out before the time trial... and never seen again

FRIDAY POST PART 2: IN MEMORIUM

Andy's loving tribute to the King of Pop somewhere in Texas. And yes, he forced me to post these...
Shine on you crazy diamond!

Dachsund Baby

Heavy hearts yesterday after Brantley sent this link about a down-but-not-out cyclist friend of The Hawley Company who was hit. Get well soon Todd! We shall save you a spot in the ping pong tournament, but you will still have to pay the outrageously high entry fee. Pay close attention to some of the comments pertaining to the article. There are a few "gems", but for the most part, the readers side with the cyclist, contrary to some our local readers.


In more uplifting news, Florida outside sales rep supremo Bruce graced the purchasing office with his pet Dachshund. He was a nice pooch and since The Blog didn't catch his name, a culturally appropriate one shall be provided: Wolfgang. Bruce decided to visit at lunch time, which was not smart as Brad in shipping was out of wieners but had a surplus of hot dog buns. I saw him peering around the corner rubbing his hands as Wolfgang trotted by. Not today dog eater, not on The Blog's watch! Trust no one Wolfgang. The Blog hopes everyone has a restful weekend. I shall be somewhere in Asheville on a nasty 70+ dirt road ride testing the limits of my Khamsins (still the most bang for your Campy buck) and my precious Okole chamois cream, then it's US versus Brazil on Sunday. And you shall know us by the trail of the dead (Brazilians)....Wolfgang's favorite Yugoslavian Mountain Hound insult comedian at his best...

Of Peregrine Falcons and Poisonous Berries...

Roland:

It haunts my dreams:
For some reason, Argentina has been on The Blog's mind of late. Perhaps it all started during my week-long sojourn along the Appalachian Trail as I searched for piece of mind amongst the bucolic splendor of the great outdoors. Alas, it was not to be found as the trappings of modern life constantly invaded my solitude. Upon my arrival back at the offices, I hurriedly penned a message to Derrick announcing my displeasure with society, air conditioning and Minesweeper. I dragged my cubicle into the surrounding woods, doffed my clothing, adopted a pugnacious yet loving peregrine falcon named Roland who obeys my commands and commenced to revolutionizing the bicycle distribution industry the only way possible: by growing a huge, stinky beard, wearing a loincloth made from a Deda mechanics apron, and eating as many poisonous red berries as my stomach could hold. The first night was unpleasant. The second, unbearable. The third, a little chilly. Then the hallucinations started and it was a never-ending montage of old Native American men smoking peace pipes, flaming bald eagles, mirrors shattering, pocket watch hands spinning and ominous black clouds churning on an ever expanding horizon. Thank you very much poisonous berries! As I write this, Roland is nursing me back to health, regurgitating a nourishing mush of grasshoppers and earthworms into my mouth every hour or so. He is a caring peregrine falcon and I shall miss him when he is eaten, by me. We have received new RED and BLUE Sugino road cranks (CRKS3430 and 3436). With every purchase, you receive a dream catcher or your choice of poisonous berry. I would take the berry option. "It tastes like... burning!"

Maul Rat

(Crucial.)

The Blog was supposed to write about the Blue and Red Sugino track cranks we just got in and its correlation to Jerry's (receiving) ping pong prowess. However, Lil' E up at Cane Creek slipped this nugget of joy into my inbox this morning. Pretty sure it has spread like wild fire across the interwebular threads as nothing captures the public's attention like a good ole fashioned child mauling... But a child mauling by bicycle is an even rarer occurance! Both child and cyclist escaped relatively unharmed, unlike child maulings of yore where the fatality rate was around 100 percent, but then again, a velocipede impacting a scurvy-stricken, wharf rat of an orphan was never a fair fight, but oh how it did entertain! That is all gentle reader...

Hubba Hubba!

(Hobo Symbology Guide)
Riding around town is always full of surprises. Whether it's a decaying squirrel carcass hidden beneath a brown paper bag in the middle of Assembly street that you run over by accident only to discover bright red squirrel gore splattered on the downtube of your bicycle or the traffic light at the corner of Millwood and Woodrow has malfucntioned and is showing green for both directions, you can be sure to expect the unexpected if not tons of squirrel corpses. Yesterday's ride was no exception as I came across two strange items (in addition to squirrel corpses) of interest and note. First, a giant slab of marble countertop resting on the sidewalk on Sumter street near the bus station. It was approximately 18 feet long about seven feet tall. Scrawled on it like a remnant of hobo symbology was this:


After debating the meaning and intent of the pictogram, The Blog rolled down Main Street, frantically waving at slack jawed touristas and giving words of encouragement to hobos sifting though the flotsam and jetsam of weekend revelry. Outside a local watering hole whose relation to anti-Jacksonian legislative branch authority is well-known in these parts, a familiar frame was spied locked to a trash bin. Upon closer inspection, it seems the ride's owner had ponied up for a new set of Dura Ace hubs! Zounds! And to think the young lad or lass left these hubs out overnight, possibly longer than that inviting all sorts of sticky fingered CHUDs to abscond with the flangular foci.

Methinks that is a Salsa post as well, but I can't be one hundred percent certain!

Canoe Help Me?

Oh the canoe, what a wondrous and useful invention. Some would say more so than the bicycle. The first one, constructed in the Netherlands was made back somewhere between 7500 and 8200 BC. Of course, Brantley would say he made them well before that to transport his cat urine moonshine. Unfortunately no-one besides him had a taste for it's salty goodness and it's history has since been reduced to mumbled legend since B-the rant-lee is the only passer of such knowledge. I have one of my own that I use in Native American reenactments. It is a Kevlar- birch bark hybrid that I carved straight out of a plastic tree.



I have tried many techniques for transporting my vessel over the years. This was one of first vehicles that I made from washing machine and a tandem recumbent. I spent so much time fighting off the ladies, that I had to sell it for something less flashy.



My most recent version is by far the most thought out and pleasing to the eye. I spared no expense, using only the finest pieces of untreated pine 2x4 for that rustic,"I don't care about money." look.



Here, you can see the side profile. When I look at it from this angle, I cannot help but think how even a time trial cyclist would appreciate such a low profile and sleek airflow. Notice the dimpled wheels and bug-flector to further reduce drag. If only Kenny and his windsock of a "gross-bike" wasn't holding me back. I could have been pulling negative drag.


On a completely off subject note, I came across an old picture of sweet Micheal "skeered" Bronson as a younger lad just after he graduated high school. So glad he grew out of them ears.

COMMUTER BIKE OF THE WEEK...

... belongs to Brian Comley (purchasing)! Brian's 1.1 proved to be quite the troublesome frame to shoot. Bad lighting conditions and its uber-stealth carbon fiber meant it was doing the Ole Disappearin' act. Oh well, although these pics are sub-par, you get the drift. Brian is from Ohio, therefore The Blog thought it appropriate to include some funfacts about the Buckeye State:

1. The first ambulance service was established in Cincinnati in 1865.
   
2. Cleveland boasts America's first traffic light. It began on Aug. 5, 1914.
   
3. Ermal Fraze invented the pop-top can in Kettering.
4. 
5. James J. Ritty, of Dayton, invented the cash register in 1879 to stop his patrons from pilfering house profits.
   
6. "Hang On Sloopy" is the official state rock song.
   
7. Cincinnati Reds were the first professional baseball team.
   
8. The Y Bridge in Zanesville was first built in 1814 to span the confluence of the Licking and Muskingum Rivers. The current bridge is the fifth construction at the same location. "Ripley's Believe It or Not" proclaimed it the only bridge in the world which you can cross and still be on the same side of the river.

(Where did Brian get this water bottle cage? Minoura? Some back alley transaction in Taipei???)

9. 
10. Akron was the first city to use police cars.
    
11. Cincinnati had the first professional city fire department.
    
12. Akron is the rubber capital of the world.
    
13. The American Federation of Labor was founded in Columbus.
14. The sit-com "laugh track" was invented in Toledo in 1938.
    
15. Ohio senator John Glenn became the oldest man to venture into outer space.
    On February 20, 1962 he was the first American to orbit the earth. In October of 1998 at age 77 he returned to the space program and traveled back into space.
    
16. Cleveland is home to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
    
17. Ohio is the leading producer of greenhouse and nursery plants.
    
18. The Pro Football Hall of Fame is located in Canton.
    
19. Neil Armstrong became the first man to walk on the moon. He was from Wapakoneta.
20. The World's Worst hangover occured at 10:43 AM in Cincinnatti in 1983.
    
21. The Wright Brothers are acknowledged as inventors of the first airplane they were from Dayton.
22. The popular television sit-com, "The Drew Cary Show" is set in Cleveland.
    
23. East Liverpool was the beginning point of the United States Public Land Survey. The location was the area from which a rectangular-grid land survey system was established under the Ordinance of 1785. The survey provided for administration and subdivision of land in the Old Northwest Territory. The Ordinance stipulated that all public lands were to be divided into townships six miles square.
24. 
25. (Brian's toaster sized Vetta computer perched in his Ritchey cockpit.)
    
26. Seven United States presidents were born in Ohio. They are: Ulysses S. Grant, Rutherford B. Hayes, James A. Garfield, Benjamin Harrison, William McKinley, William H. Taft, and Warren G. Harding.
    
27. Some well-known personalities were born in Ohio. Among them Steven Spielberg, Paul Newman, Annie Oakley, Arsenio Hall and Clark Gable.
28. Steve Hawley refuses to recognize Ohio as a "legitimate state" after the Pajama Incident of 1991.
    
29. The first full time automobile service station was opened in 1899 in Ohio.
    
30. In 1852 Ohio was the first state to enact laws protecting working women.
    
31. Ohio gave America its first hot dog in 1900. Harry M. Stevens created the popular dining dog.
    
32. Ohio became the 17th state on March 1, 1803.
    
33. East 105th Street and Euclid Avenue in Cleveland was the site of the first pedestrian button for the control of a traffic light. The boy chosen for the 1948 newsreel to demonstrate its operation was Louis Spronze.
    
34. Ohio has an area of 116,103 sq miles. It ranks 34th in state size.
35. David Lee Roth was conceived and born in Toledo.
    
36. Columbus is the state capital and Ohio's largest city.
    
37. 50% of the United States population lives within a 500 mile radius of Columbus.
    
38. Dresden is the home of the world's largest basket. It is located at Basket Village USA.
    
39. Fostoria is the only city to be situated in three counties (Seneca, Hancock & Wood).
    
40. Ohio's state flag is a pennant design. It is the only state flag of that design in the United States.
    
41. Ohio University was founded in 1804 at Athens and is recognized as the first university in Ohio and in the Northwest Territory.
    
42. Oberlin College was founded in 1833.It was the first interracial and coeducational college in the United States.
    
43. The Glacial Grooves on the north side of Kelleys Island are the largest easily accessible such grooves in the world. They were scoured into solid limestone bedrock about 18,000 years ago by the great ice sheet that covered part of North America.
44. The pillow case was invented in Cleveland in 1823. The pillow was invented two years later.
    
45. Marietta was Ohio's first permanent settlement. Founded in 1788 by General Rufus Putnam and named in honor of Marie Antoinette, then queen of France.
    
46. Chillicothe was Ohio's first capital city.
    
47. Cleveland became the world's first city to be lighted electrically in 1879.
    
48. Ohio is known as the Buckeye State.
    
49. Thomas A. Edison from Milan developed the incandescent light bulb, phonograph, and early motion picture camera.
    
50. John Lambert of Ohio City made America's first automobile in 1891.
    
51. Charles Kettering of Loundonville invented the automobile self-starter in 1911.
    
52. Charles Goodyear of Akron developed the process of vulcanizing rubber in 1839.
    
53. Roy J. Plunkett of New Carlisle invented Teflon in 1938.
54. MC Hammer wrote the lyrics to "Can't Touch This" while teaching an English lit. class at Kent State in 1988.
    
55. W.F. Semple of Mount Vernon patented chewing gum in 1869.
    
56. John Mercer Langston is believed to have been the first African American elected to public office. He was elected clerk of Brownhelm in 1854.
    
57. Long jumper DeHart Hubbard was the first African American to earn an Olympic Gold Medal. The award occurred during the 1924 Olympics games held in Paris. He set the record for long jumping.
    
58. Jesse Owens grew up in Cleveland. He won four gold medals in the 1936 Olympics in Berlin.
    

Coming Soon...

...Lunch hour PING PONG TOURNAMENT. Invitation-only. Double Elimination. No holds barred. No jacket required. No respect for pong-fakerz. Come strong or don't come at all. Desperately seeking Chinese immigrants for the doubles bracket. BYOPPP (Bring Your Own Ping Pong Paddle)


Special Thanks to master carpenters Harold and Mike for building some legs for the table. Anybody got a net, paddles and ping pong ball? Wouldn't mind having one of those sweet super short shorts and polo shirt ping pong kits you always see in the Olympics. It's all about mind games when the pong gauntlet is thrown down, and nothing gets into your opponent's head like the potential for accidental (wink wink) groinal exposure during an overhead forehand slam.

Tender, Meaty, Delicious Blog Morsels

Ole Bloggy tagged along with Joshie to the Tuesday Night Crit race after work. I thought about doing a couple laps on the Rock Lobster, but after a few warm up laps with Joshie, discretion became the better part of valor and I decided against a random act of stupidity and rode home. Maybe next time! Just kidding. I'll leave the road racing-ing to the serious road fellows with their finely waxed handlebar mustaches and excellent table manners. My hasty exit was a good call as Joshie said the ride/race was "upbeat and spirited" if not somewhat fast. I saw a few Palmetto Velo guys out there in addition to a few Harrells riders and a lone Outspokin'-er, twirling their mustaches and rubbing their hands in gleeful anticipation of the suffer fest. Pure evil! Joshie said he felt good and hopes to break Palmetto Velo's 18 month win streak sometime in the near future! That kid's got moxy!

Other big news, which most folk know about (except for the always-out-of-the-loop Blog), pertains to Augusta, Georgia playing host to the 2010 IMBA World Mountain Bike Summit! Lots of talks, workshops, parties and a "catered tour of the Forks Area Trail System". Let's hope it doesn't rain. I used to play a lot of gigs in Augusta and for a small town on a river founded by saltwater-hating Hugenots in the 12th cenutry, it's got a lot to offer in terms of reasonable parking options and competitively-priced dining establishments. Other than that, I have no idea what sort of carpet the city plans to roll out to IMBA delegates. Perhaps red?

Left Coast Storck Radicalism Seeks Same For Fun And Adventure, No Weirdos.

"Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past From The Future"


This morning, The Blog found himself in conversation with M. Bronson and Colin about how the Vicious Cycles logo (that was on my coffee mug) vaguely resembles the Misfits skull logo. I don't see it but Bronson and Colin see the similarities. The conversation then turned to Danzig and then to the several websites floating in the cyberspace ether that pit Henry Rollins against Glenn Danzig. It's no contest. Not even a fair fight really. Upon extricating myself from this blatherfest, I sat down at the computer and discovered former Hawley stooge and bona fide man-child weirdo Brandon Caskey had infected my inbox (whoa) with this disease-riddled nugget of Storckism from the greater Lake Tahoe region. Talk about a blatherfest, straight from the Queen City Pretty Boy's pen:

dearest bloggie -
i do hate that this news is traveling to you later than sooner, but news at any time will suffice i suppose. you will find in the attached photos of a Storck 0.7 IS owned by none other than my friend and infamous rider in the tahoe area, Reve. he purchased it through the Bike Nut (which normally has umlauts over the U, but this keyboard isn't german) in SF. these photos are from the Eastern Sierra Double Century we did a few weeks ago - in which we (reve, bruce and myself) tied for 3 place, if you don't mind me patting the proverbial back. no doubt he is enjoying the bike and i suppose it goes without saying that am highly jealous of such a machine. it weighs 11 pounds, and is VERY ridable.

(Guzizzah!!!)

also of note, one of your NC customers and dealers - Bicycles East - was kind enough to kit me for the event. kind chaps indeed!


i thought you might find this of interest as to aid in your spreading the Storck gospel. carry on, good sir.
- b

(See what I mean? He can't be bothered to use his shift key unless absolutely necessary. Get a haircut you hippy! These colors don't run!)

Back In the Saddle

I'm back from my vacation in parts unknown and the only thing I have to show for it is a new-found hatred of drivers from a state that shall not be mentioned on these "pages". At the risk of disparaging an entire population whose vastness of cultures and demographs would preclude any sweeping if not unfair conclusions being made, I simply offer this idea: Save money by selling cars in [------] without turn signals since nobody uses them anyway. Like a sixth finger, embryonic vestigial tail or a Sonny Bono, they're useless appendages whose removal or subsumation would be highly recommended. It is an idea that could potentially get GM back on its feet. Signal-less SUVs! But enough of rants and raves, on to cycling nuggets. First of all, Dicky's Blog reminded me that the Tour Divide is currently underway. Get the lowdown on what this insane mountain bike "race" is all about here and follow the racers and hear their harrowing tales here. A quick tip: Quickly press play on all of the audio bars at once, and you have a cacophony of race updates that quickly turns into a Steve Reich phase-styled minimalist composition. Seriously, it sounds wackkkyyy!!! Also, why does nobody call in with a fake accent or concoct wild tales about the backcountry? "We headed towards Lima when suddenly, for no reason at all, I started speaking Latin backwards, my head spun around a full 360 degrees and I vomited black bile on Chris Plesko. But the legs feel really fresh!" Or better yet, slowly recite the last 50 pages of Ulysees waiting until the very end to reveal your location. Just sayin'... Secondly, we got our first shipment of the super-special 110 year anniversary Selle Italia Flite saddle (shown several months ago after our Italian friends dropped by and showed us a sample). It's got the unconditional forgiveness of leather coupled with the haughty condescension of titanium rails. Now that's Italian!

Hear Ye, Hear Ye

The Blog is still in parts unknown but inside sales wunderkind Bronson dropped a little knowledge via Rachel at PCC. Booyah! Traffic skills course for the newbie-commutie or the safety minded cyclist. Pre-registration ends June the 12th so yeah, you better hurry up.


Oh yes, Wednesday's after-work ride was "rained out". Well, "thunderstormed out". Apologies to Joshie and Kylie Cyrus for booking it with little regard for goodbyes and pleasantries but lightning strikes 20 yards away will make a man do crazy things. To those Hawley folk who missed it, the ride was mellow, then darkness fell, then distant thunder, then wind, then rain, then lightning, then biblical deluge and then Ragnarok.... in that order!

Gone Fission

The Blog is officially MIA for Thursday and Friday. Don't ask where I'm at. Even if I told you, it wouldn't do you any good. In the meantime, I forgot to show you Ian's NEW Hawley Service Center dirt bike. Well, new graphics and decals for the race season with all the trimmings. If you hear a cockney accent yelling "jam up jelly tight" at the next GNCC race... run, run for dear life.

Hawley Harbison Group Ride: We're Not WORTHY!

(Jeremy's new Niner and Michael's not-so-new Trek with new WTB saddle in the bike corral)

(Jose is now sporting the Avid Elixir CR brakes as well what appears to be some new Ruffians. Ain't gonna help none)

Jeremy, Kyle, Sweet Joshie, Jose, M Bronson, Ole Bloggy and Old Man (up for debate, well the man part. How about old person?) Brantley are having a chill lil' group ride at Harbison State Forest after work if anybody wants to join in. We'll be straggling in around 6:00 PM and riding soon after that. Come listen to the wonder that is the Blog's mysterious rotor/caliper creak. Then after you listen to it, fix it! A bright, shiny coin to the individual who solves the mystery. Here is a rough map of the ride route. Acquaint thyself:


Oh yes, one more thing. We received white ZTR Flow rims into stock... but for how long??? Also, here are three links to be viewed at your leisure. That is all:
Passion
Dedication
Macgruber

Straight Outta Connex!

Well no, we actually have lots of Connex chains in stock contrary to the titular old school rap pun/allusion. Perhaps a 10S-1 or a 908 strikes your fancy? No? How about a 1Z1 Anti-Rust Track chain? Meh, I tried. Can't blame a fella for tryin'. Heck, took me close to ten minutes to come up with "Straight Outta Connex". Better than the "French Connextion", "Hairy Connex Jr" (incomprehensible), my shout out to Chuck Woolery: "Love Connex? Shun!", its NAFTA counterpart "Connexico", its pornographic subsidiary "Connex Rated", Spike Lee movie subject "Malcolm Connex", its board game rip-off "Connex Four", its reading tutorial "Hooked On Connex" and finally, "Conneczema" which is just gross.

(The preceding equation derives as its answer a bass fishing book written by Chuck Woolery. Yes, it exists and yes, you'll be landing the bucket mouths by the boatload after reading it)