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Thursday, June 25, 2009

Of Peregrine Falcons and Poisonous Berries...


It haunts my dreams:
For some reason, Argentina has been on The Blog's mind of late. Perhaps it all started during my week-long sojourn along the Appalachian Trail as I searched for piece of mind amongst the bucolic splendor of the great outdoors. Alas, it was not to be found as the trappings of modern life constantly invaded my solitude. Upon my arrival back at the offices, I hurriedly penned a message to Derrick announcing my displeasure with society, air conditioning and Minesweeper. I dragged my cubicle into the surrounding woods, doffed my clothing, adopted a pugnacious yet loving peregrine falcon named Roland who obeys my commands and commenced to revolutionizing the bicycle distribution industry the only way possible: by growing a huge, stinky beard, wearing a loincloth made from a Deda mechanics apron, and eating as many poisonous red berries as my stomach could hold. The first night was unpleasant. The second, unbearable. The third, a little chilly. Then the hallucinations started and it was a never-ending montage of old Native American men smoking peace pipes, flaming bald eagles, mirrors shattering, pocket watch hands spinning and ominous black clouds churning on an ever expanding horizon. Thank you very much poisonous berries! As I write this, Roland is nursing me back to health, regurgitating a nourishing mush of grasshoppers and earthworms into my mouth every hour or so. He is a caring peregrine falcon and I shall miss him when he is eaten, by me. We have received new RED and BLUE Sugino road cranks (CRKS3430 and 3436). With every purchase, you receive a dream catcher or your choice of poisonous berry. I would take the berry option. "It tastes like... burning!"

1 comment:

Billy Fehr said...

Holy Crap.
MJ is gone to
see Dale,