Thursday Afternoon Shivings

Kermit the Frog shivs John Denver during a taping of "The Dick Cavett Show" in 1977. And much like Kermit's remorseless assault on the beloved folk crooner, Racheal Kefalos of the PCC has once again viciously assaulted The Blog's inbox with some extremely salient cycling news. To put it bluntly (Cypress Hill 10" EP), South Carolina stinks at Bicycle and Pedestrian safety investment. Hawley is a proud member of the Alliance for Biking and Walking and would be remiss if we didn't publish this embarrassing indictment. We can do better than this people! The link takes you to a very informative factsheet. Excellent work again Racheal!


In equally scary news, IRD has started shipping us their colorful threaded headsets for no good reason. George went a little nutty and our receiving area looks like Godzilla vomited up 6 tons of Skittles. Raaaarrr!

Randomosity...

Hold on a sec, when did Bob Noorda pass away? Well, he knew how to make a Pirelli Bicycle ad:Cadel Evans has extremely tiny feet:Jeff Beck has vaulted to an early lead for worst album cover of the year for 2010. Holy moley!

Unnecessary Shoe Covers

Wellity, wellity, The Blog hopped on Jacques Lobster for the first group ride since the great knee-hole incident of 2010. Although the legs felt horrible and rubbery and the lungs were full of fluid after 20 minutes, it was nice to get out on a good-natured jaunt around Fort Jackson. More importantly, it was nice to break out the shoe covers to celebrate the return to the saddle. Yes they are hideous. Yes they are WHITE. Yes it was muddy!

Teenwolf astride his 75 dollar Fuji cross bike. He is proud of it. Are you?
Lots of standing water to navigate. What ancient civilizations lie within the briny deep?
Will (re-buyer), with arms crossed throws a mini-tantrum!
Good ole fashion clay with some sand and water thrown in for good measure.
On the way home, Joshie (grizzly bear) refuses to speak another word for the duration of the ride.
The aforementioned shoe covers in all their glory!
About 6 months behind schedule, The Blog decided to finally treat the Lobster frame with JP Weigle Frame Saver (LUBE5000). Jiminy crickets! Remember to grease your alloy post when inserting it into a steel frame or it'll be quite a spectacle when it's time to pull it out! Look at that nasty mixture of water, rust, mud and the surface of Jupiter.

Jupiter, the planet voted least likely to loan Earth money. Stupid tightwad gas giant!

Pretty Pictures and A Discussion Of Thin Lizzy's Trenchant Humor

While listening to I-Tunes this morning sipping my daily decaf anise-flavored frappachino, The Blog came to the conclusion that only a band like Thin Lizzy could be so audacious, so brazen, so impish, so Irish and write a song called "The Rocker" which doesn't even come CLOSE to rocking. There The Blog was, headphones on, freshly spat out frappachino coating the computer screen, listening in disbelief to a song so mellow, but so bouyant and whimsical that it should've been named "Grandpa's Afternoon Nap" or "Fleece Blanket Cuddle-Thon". But "The Rocker"? Post-modern rock and roll joke played on all of us by the BEST band ever to come from Ireland. Chutzpah! And no, U2 are NOT the best band from Ireland. They're not even top five you philistines! First, as previously mentioned, is Thin Lizzy. Second, The Undertones. Third, Ash. Fourth, The Cranberries (?!). Fifth, The Boomtown Rats. Sixth, House Of Pain. Seventh, U2. Now you've got something to chew on. Other things to chew on, click on the new Hawley warehouse blueprint to explore a fairly nutty illustration by my main man in Scandinavia. After that, click on the blueprint of the bike house to see more pictures of the bike house. It's a bike, and a house!

Snow Riding With Teenwolf

2nd try.....

Best Ensho

Brian Dennehy: completely powerless when it comes to anything not related to "Cocoon":


Well, we got our first shipment of Soma's Ensho *GLITTER* saddles (SD7020) today. Jeepers, they're loud. The Blog was thinking about putting one on Ole Blue or the Lobster but the *GLITTER* is almost too much. I don't want people wondering why Ziggy Stardust is racing cross. Worse yet, I don't want grizzled prospectors sniffing around my bike attracted by the lustrous *GLITTER* and the false promises of striking the motherload. They sicken me, with their pick axes, suspenders and Walter Brennan-esque speaking voices. Even with those concerns, The Blog has had a vision. A grim portent. The orange Ensho WILL be on the Lobster soon enough and there's nothing you, Brian Denehy or you can do about it.


In other exciting news, Josie was looking for a lightweight 29er tire of the 2.4 variety. We took it to the scales and let the numbers do the talking. This should be exciting. Opposite day! Zzzzzz

The Continental Mountain King weighs in at....

And now ladies and gentlemen, the Schwalbe Racing Ralph (TIRE7940)
(Wake me when it's over)

S'now Problem

Hello there! Have you seen my new cake decorator? You're darn right I'm nuts!So it looks like Mr Freeze heard that we were rolling up to Bennett's gap. I had heard that he found a stash of diamonds (chill pills) in Brantley's mountain cabin, which is actually a port-o-john and an abandoned GMC blazer, without the wheels, hidden in Pisgah. So we went up to make fun of his out-dated pressure suit and Orbea mountain bike that he purchased from Hawley's own Tony "King Pong" Zanca for a bag of Eukanuba and a bacon flavored piece of rope.

We must have been close. The trails were getting icy. I could already taste the pure joy of insulting "Ole Blue". Balls of ice littered the road. To anyone in the know, bioluminescent "ice-borgs" leave droppings that resemble round ice cubes. It smelled and tasted fresh.

"The sun'll come out, tooooomorrow! Betcha bottom dollar that, tomorrroooooow...."

Back In The Game! 2010 Begins Anew!

2010's motto was supposed to be "No Survivors" but after The Blog ripped a hole in his knee on the 2nd of january, the motto turned to "I Might Not Survive". Then it turned to "I Need To Listen To More SURVIVOR" and then several other mottos. Well guess what, my gentle unwashed rabble, The Blog is back for 2010 and as of the 19th, we're jumping in the time machine and going back to reclaim the 2010 motto: NO SURVIVORS! First step in this endeavor is getting back to riding the ole bike to work. Catalog production killed The Blog, sapping its strength and willpower but now that it's behind us, time to get back on the streets and spread the good commuting word. Today's ride into work was indeed cathartic. The Blog is out of shape. Desperately out of shape! But it's OK because the knee is rideable and as of right now, that's all that matters.

Holy moley! Look at all those folks who rode Storcks into work!
Bonk Breakers, circa 1984:

By the way, this is huge news for us. We have, as of TWO hours ago, received the first shipment of BONK BREAKERS for 2010. In an attempt to avoid hyperbole, The Blog can only say that these are the best energy bars of all time. The Blog has tried them all but these are hands down the best energy bars to come down the pipe in a long time! Sure Clif is a nice standby but Bonk Breaker makes Clif Bar taste like Grandpa's dentures soaking in prune juice. They come in Peanut Butter and Jelly, Peanut Butter and Banana and The Blog's favorite Peanut Butter and Chcoclate Chip. GAAAAAAAAH!!!!


Eating a Bonk Breaker while looking at Bonk Breakers in the 2010 catalog. Is this what it's like, when doves cry?

Miscellaneous Debris

Mark LaLonde racing a bicycle, quickly.
Today's entry will have to be quick as The Blog dropped his ant farm in the sales office and it's pretty much Dresden Fire carnage all over again, only with ants instead of fire, and mild discomfort instead of carnage. Anyhoo, Planet Bike cross racer extraordinaire and sales guy Marko LaLonde came to Hawley Friday to show off the new Planet Bike goods. He was a good-natured lad and took Sandy's (Planet Bike purchaser and schnauzer lover) endless stream of obscenities in stride. He had lights galore but was also kind enough to hand out some wool Planet Bike socks from the creatively named Sock Guy (one of our vendors? Shaaaazbot). I didn't get a chance to thank Mark so now The Blog will do it: Thanks! OK, that was easy. Mark contributes to the Planet Bike blog so read it all the time. His bro-ham Jesse has a killer blog too. Lots of pics and pithy writing. Poifect. Not sure if these LaLondes are related to Larry LaLonde from Primus but it would make sense.


In other news, Rachel from PCC forwarded me this delightful little missive from IMBA. Seriously, get your perusal on: U.S. Rep. Raúl Grijalva's Fractured Take on Land Use

The Blog got all "seriously" with Ole Blue in the last couple weeks and purchased a few parts to compliment the lovely blue frame. First, a green Soma Late Riser bar (HDBR2261). It's powder-coated for your pleasure. It would look awesome with a white or cream frame, but with Ole Blue, it's downright revolting. Excellent. Keeping with the "taste the rainbow" motif, a purple KMC Z410 (CHAN10024) was added over the weekend to intensify the barf factor. New wheels are next in the parts queue, but what color? One brown Velocity deep V up front, one Teak deep V in the back???? Suggestions would be appreciated...

Aloha! That means "Hello" and "Spoke Nipple" in Hawaii

As in, could you pass me that Aloha? Holy fudge, I dropped Alohas all over the shop floor. Has anybody seen Randy? Yeah, he's takin' a huge Aloha in the bathroom.... Andy and Bruce's Storcks bid Hawley "Aloooooha"....

The Outside Sales reps came, saw and conquered this week at stately Hawley Manor. Well, all the reps came, saw and conquered, but Herb Hart conquered a little more than most. The man was a repping machine. He was positively reptilian. Everybody loves Herb, but no demograph loves him more than the local plaque company who made about 50,000 dollars from Herb's MANY awards. That not to say others didn't win some cheddar but Herb dominated like Gary Busey at a "You Are Seriously Creepin' Me Out" convention.

From Left To Right: Steve Hawley, Master Shredder, Ian Cross

Not to be denied an award, new north Florida outside rep Andy "Pre-Op" Hale received the "You're On Thin Ice" award given to the weakest cog in the repping machine. After Ian Cross gave it to him followed by a pantomimed throat slitting motion, Andy pulled out a soiled piece of notebook paper and read off a list of names (some real, some fictional) who he thanked for their "continued support". So hopefully, any of Andy's shops who are reading this, PLEASE help that poor child. Brittany can't survive another winter wearing kleenex box shoes and eating ketchup packet soup.

A man with no worries and even less sense...
Speaking of mind-numbing poverty, there is no caste of untouchables more destitue or miserable than custom frame builders. They are literally two rungs below that nest of squirrels that live in the oak tree outside my house. Therefore, it would be a good idea to attend the 2010 NAHBS in February or live with the guilt that the Igleheart studio pulled a Donner Party on each other. That is all.

Andy shows off the NAHBS card and his new, obnoxious sunglasses....
I keep my card next to my lycanthropic transformation timetables, and SO SHOULD YOU!