Happy Hawleyween!

Ahoy hoy blogareeno's! Well, the greatest day is upon us so that means a bunch of fools show up to work in company policy-defying attire. But before we get to the parade of idiocy, something scary. Seriously, what happened to her face?:
Kyle (graphic violence) represents "Illadelphia" style. Catalog layout will cost ya, body checks are free sucka!

"I NEED AN ADULT!!!!!!!!"
This happy little fellow and Mad Professor are caught in mid-coffeezation. I have a couple Mad Professor records at home. Quality stuff!
Spongebob Poo-Pants!!!
Best sneakers...ever
Troy Agassi keeps it real. Tennis anyone? Advantage... Whelan!
And the best costume for last. J-Town emerges, but who is he?
The mystery is solved as Rizzle inspects J-Town's loving homage to Rizzle's sense of style!

Rather than impugn the bathroom habits and sexuality of fellow coworkers today, the blog has decided to take a page from the "Book of Dicky" and talk about product(s). Well, less talk and more show, but we do live in a visual age. Why take up valuable time reading when you can use that same amount of time looking, staring, gazing, deconstructing the gaze, etc.

We got in a few "new" non-machined wall track rims from the miscreants at Velocity. Gold, pink, purple and silver for now with Teak (wood grain), argyle and Suits (hearts, clubs, diamonds, spades) coming soon. Can't wait for some enterprising young go-getter to buy some of these, build some wheels, shoot a video, make it into a DVD and then sell it for an Apu Nahasapeemapetilon styled mark-up:
I mentioned the new American Classic 29er wheels a couple posts ago. They're not the sexiest wheels out there, but for non-custom built wheels, they're quite trick. Sadly, you can't see how insanely light these puppies are. These are the pair Jose and I will fight over. Pay close attention to the red "mood spoke". It changes color based on the rider's mood and general sense of well-being:
The white set. Very funky looking in a 1987 kinda way. I dunno, what was big in 1987? "The Wraith" starring Charlie Sheen? Oh yeaaahhhhh:
Close up of the spokes. Reminiscent of those laser beams in movies about art gallery heists where the would-be thief has to avoid detection by running a gauntlet of security lasers. That movie was also called "The Wraith" and starred Charlie Sheen:

All those velocity rims reminded me of a pretty cool commercial from our friends at Hutchinson. The guy on the fixie rides around in NYC acting like an idiot but the lady on the Schwinn is somebody the blog would like to party with:



(EDIT. Oh yeah, he's riding a MASI, Eric Smith of Cane Creek, who wanted a Masi but now has to watch the hipster guy ride off of loading docks)

Welcome Back the Prodigal Son and Britney!

Fresh from the Storck Tour mystery machine, Andy and Britney came back to the mothership earlier this week. It has been a seamless transition for Britney as she has used her navigational and managerial skills learned from the thousand of miles logged in the van to assimilate to her new surroundings in the accounting office. The blog is already impressed with her attention to detail, heroic work ethic and basic social skills which have moved her beyond Teenwolf in the accounting social hierarchy, which is impressive as Teenwolf has been in accounting for 8 weeks and is still required to empty everybody's chamber pot each morning (it is indeed a most unsavory task). Britney on the other hand has been given tasks such as "free lunch taste tester" and "nap research". Now that's what I call a dynamo. Heed the blog, Britney is going places!


Andy on the other hand has found the transition to civilian life a difficult one. Accustomed to the barbarism he learned while on the road, he wears clothes made from newspaper, eats trash from the nearby construction site, urinates on his desk and others to mark his territory, speaks in mono-syllabic grunts, warns us of the "earth gods anger" when he hears the bulldozer outside and has taken to hunting the warehouse staff with a poorly fashioned bow and arrow on his lunch break. That being said, we have great hopes in rehabilitating Andy to an office environment!

Since we're giving office folk a hard time, let's move on to exhibit B. Actually, Gabe (inside sales) pointed out that he and pastor Troy (inside sales, body massage) were dressed alike! Stop! You had us at "dressed". It's tough working with two nudists, so when they decide to wear matching outfits, it's definitely a "stop the presses" kind of moment. Well, they actually prefer to be called naturalists, but as you can plainly see, there is nothing "natural" about Troy's stance. It literally screams "This is my mugshot. I committed a horrible crime 10 minutes ago but do you see me fretting?":

Get a load of Gabe! More proof The Hawley Company doesn't discriminate in its hiring practices!
"Double Your Pleasure, Double Your Fun!"... blah, blah, blah

Countdown to Halloween Part 6: Costume Fabrication

Only a few more days until Halloween. Do you have your costume picked out? The blog does. Take one Limar Aero helmet, one pair of forest green sunglasses from the Kanye Twitty collection, one pair of pink Defeet gloves, one set of leg warmers, full frontal nudity and Scotchlite commuter strips arranged upon the belly in a pattern resembling the severed head of a famous figure from history and you have a costume fit for a king. Don't forget to bring several hundred dollars in cash for bail. Remember, you've just exposed yourself! Happy Halloween... sicko!!!

A Big Shout-Out to Our Lone Reader in South Africa!

What's up folk? How is this Monday treatin' ya'll? Excuse me as slip into the local vernacular but I think it befits today's post. And by "befits", I mean "time to talk like how the blog really talks". Although that may mean loads of expletives, I shall (naw, how 'bout will?) remove them from the discourse and give you the straight dope, drop the science, OPEN YOUR MIND (a la Kuato from "Total Recall" with a tip of the cap to Colin) to what the blog is sayin'. What is the blog saying? Not very much as this Monday has been rather ho-hum. On a positive product note, Jose "Puerto Freakin' Rican" Texidor directed me towards the receiving department. Why you ask? Well, we got in our first order of 2009 American Classic wheels. While the road wheels don't do it for the blog, the 29er wheels are of a splacknasticus level of bling rarely seen on our aisles. Good gravy, now the blog just needs to save up his pennies and nickels and beat Jose to the purchase punch. Pictures to follow soon.



In other news, they had a ride Saturday benfitting victims of house fires and raising awareness for campus fire safety, partly inspired by the group of USC students who perished last year in a beach house fire. Good to see a charity ride instead of a run or walk as those tend to draw the riff-riff and neer do wells to our quiet city streets:

Love-Hate. And More Hate Relationship

Blogger's nerve center:
A thousand pardons gentle blog reader. Yesterday's unfortunate "freak-out" by the motley-minded skainsmates at "Blogger" (it would seem an expedited abjuration of their services would be in order) has lead the blog to humbly beseech your forgiveness this rain-sodden Friday! Is there any act of servitude the blog can perform to make this wrong a right? Perhaps the boiling of an egg for your mid-afternoon repast or the quashing of a peasant uprising that threatens your barley harvest? Later then, at a more convenient time, perhaps after Saturday's croquet tournament, where we do battle with our most hated rivals "The Chili Dog/Coffee Shack"? But to the matter at hand, because of Blogger's ineptitude, the blog was unable to share with you its latest watercolor renderings of the glorious Hawley expansion. With only pulley and ox cart, trowel and mud, chewing tobacco and remaining teeth, the laborers (numbering in the thousands, and from all parts of the globe, including the mysterious Orient!) have erected a structure that upon completion will be visible for thousands of miles. It shall be christened "The Reggie Ferguson Memorial Warehouse Expansion" in honor of the blog's third grade classmate who gave his life 47 years ago when the first mud bricks were laid for the warehouse expansion's foundation. Your death (comical as it was; Reggie was inside a porta-john relieving himself of a breakfast consisting of hogmaw omelets and rancid Yoohoo when he was accidentally locked inside. Needless to say, Reggie's attempt at "tunneling" out of the porta-john resulted in a most unsavory "drowning" and subsequent removal of the feculent corpse) dear, fallen friend shall not be in vain, for in this vast expanse we shall store bobbles and trinkets from far and wide the likes of which have not been seen by man or beast!

King Edward, ruler of the warehouse? Usurper of the throne? Vanquisher of sugary snack treats? You betta believe it!!!!
The existing warehouse, missing wall and new warehouse. Bringin' walls down people:
Look at Dave's helmet boxes stacked so precariously!
More boxes stacked and yet another missing wall shot:
Look at all that insulation!!!
Will and Brantley open the door to a new tomorrow:
The new loading bay with five new docks:
Voila!
First person to find The Hoff wins some cool swag (i.e. a horrible Vetta multi-tool and something from Sandy's desk (not Schnauzer related)!!!

Technical Difficulties

Blogger is having a hissy fit today so there will be no post. See Blogger? Two can play this game!!!

The End of Bike Lights As We Know It!

Well, according to the good folk at Huffy Bikes, they recommend not riding at night. In fact, if you're caught on your bike after dark, immediately dismount, find a wooded area and curl up in the fetal position while the local raccoon population sizes you up for a midight snack:
Huffy Bikes also recommends not participating in the Red Bull Rampage. But if you find yourself in the Red Bull Rampage, don't be freaked out by the deadliness:
One thing the blog doesn't recommend is tandem cyclocross (taken shamelessly from the Gary Fisher 29er Crew blog):
(late edit. Images also borrowed from Huffy and Straitline's blog)

BMX Rated, For Your Pleasure, With Color Pictures!

This past Saturday was exciting. I did laundry. Then I went and bought cat treats and eggs at a local grocer. After polishing off the cat treats (just kidding, they were for my cat Mimi, and by "cat" I mean a docile hobo I captured last year and keep in a cage. He is well behaved and kind to all. I will release him into the wild... soon), I remembered there was some sweet BMX action at the new Lexington track. It was "Nationals" so that meant Pros racing alongside the kids. No pros were spied on Saturday but there was still plenty of action, action, action! The average length of a race was around 38 seconds. That meant you could cram in about 70 motos in an hour. Good lord! It was almost too much as I approached sensory overload. As one age group would round turn 2, the starting gate would release another age group, like waves of X-Wing fighters hurtling through space to confront a giant space orb that destroys planets. No giant space orbs that destroy planets showed up (apparently, I can't use "Death Star" as stupid-head George Lucas is quite litigious) but there were plenty of jeans and even some purple cords on the race track. As a mountain bike racer, it still perplexes me as to why you would want to wear jeans in a race. Of course cut-offs that hide my thunder are obvious for race day kit choices (a tip of the hat to Tobias Funke) but full length jeans are a head scratcher. Oh well, that's BMX fashion for you. As for the races, there was much styling and profiling. Smooth does not begin to describe some of the riders through the rhythm sections. A wreck here and there, but most riders had their situations in control, Janet Jackson style. As BMX is the true,original single speed, I marveled at the rainbow of chain ring colors on display. Blue, purple, red, gold, pink, and green were all seen (usually with matching hubs and sometimes with matching handlebars!). I love my Truvativ chainring, but dang it, why can't they make something a little jazzier than matte black? So in conclusion, we mountain bike riders can't hold a candle to the BMX crowd. I'm sorry, it's true. They wear jeans. They have mustaches (even the children). They don't care about bike weight. They only have to race for 38 seconds. They have bands like Lucero on their DVDs (sorry, had to put in a plug for good buddy John Stubblefield's outfit). They have Sandy Emmanuel (Hawley purchaser and BMX ragamuffin) in their corner. They saved E.T....
(late edit. As we left the track, we saw Jeff "Cash-Splash Stache That never Leaves a Rash unless You're Eatin' Barbeque Hash" Rickard walking confidently through the teeming hordes of mustachioed child-racers. Who is Jeff? Well gentle reader, he is the man who warps time and space in order to find room in our cramped warehouse for the water bottle cages and arm warmers your local dealer stocks in their shelves. So the next time you walk into whatever shop you frequent, or if you're a shop owner, think of Jeff Rickard... and his mustache, taunting you.

They planned this maneuver:

One of the jazzier bikes out there:

Three years old:
Three year old versus five year old:

Best death/concentration face of the day:
9 year old girls obliterate the course:
Joshie's favorite part: The Wrecks!!!

NC Cyclocross!

Lots of racing this weekend for employees of the Hawley Company. The mothership descended upon Raleigh for some of the N.C. cross circuit. Will (shipping), Kyle (graphics) and Teenwolf (customer service apprentice/facial hair) showed how "South Cackalack do things" by racking up top ten finishes on both days. According to his press agent, Will had the best showing with a 5th spot out of 60-65 riders. Not bad, not bad at all! Most disappointing was Teenwolf's early exit at Sunday's race. I guess he lacked the heart, the determination, the mental and physical stamina necessary for back to back days of intense competition. Color me disappointed! So yeah, hurry and buy your Challenge and Tufo tires while the gettin' is good.

One of the better pain faces I've seen. Well, less pain and more despair, bordering on suicidal
Teenwolf and Will follow the lead group. Whats up with the dude on the front? I mean seriously, the race is only 30 seconds old and you're already "digging deep"? Don't quit your day job. Oh yeah, Maxxis called, they want their kits back. Quite possibly the best photo ever. Well, the quality sucks but if you ever wanted a visual definition for "punked at the line", look at this pic!
Nasty run-up!

Jed Schneider demonstrates some good form on the run-up. Jed lives down the street from the Hawley racers. Did they carpool? A resounding no! Jed traveled in style safely inside the Jittery Joe's hydrofoil. He still got it handed to him in the Pro's race. Hmmmmm
I like Moots and this guy is riding one... in the wrong direction!!!
A Cane Creek wheel set is spied on the course! He was a good racer with plenty of bike handling skills. Too bad every other word out of his mouth was a racial epithet.
This guy was creeping everybody out!
More Cane Creek love!