A Reminder Of Colin's Impending Visit To The ER; Cruiser Weather Update

A Feynman diagram of one way the Higgs boson (hypothetical massive scalar particle that may or may not be dating Heidi Montag) may be produced at the Large Hadron Collider. Here, two gluons decay into top/anti-top pair which then combine to make a neutral Higgs. Cue the Barry White:
Just to remind everybody, Colin has a date with destiny and quite possibly some sort of Castaneda-esque vision quest mixed with the event horizon of a black hole this Friday as he attempts to drink a 32 ounce of Monster energy slurry in under a minute... 5 minutes... 10 minutes? The Blog can't remember the original time agreed upon but we've seen Colin training all week with daily trips to local Mexican eatery la Fogata and local "chicken" eatery Zaxby's. His focus is razor sharp and his internal organs are battle tested. The Large Hadron super collider got cranked up again this week and as these words are typed, it's whipping protons to more than 99 percent the speed of light while producing 3.5 trillion electron volts per proton, very similar to what the 32 ounce of Monster energy drink shall be doing to Colin's gastrointestinal system. We have the technology, now we must embrace it!Colin, Post-Monster transfusion:For all of our friends in Northern states, a quick update on this week's weather. Sunny. Warm. Downright pleasant. Booyah! In your face (finally). Time for cruiser bikes to the grocery store...

Lunchtime cruiser team sponsored by our friends at Sta Tru wheels, with over 6 billion different cruiser wheel combinations to chose from (this is not a guarantee).

A Post Sees A Post: Palindrome Fail

Trivial office bets for assorted candy bars are the spice of life. They are what make those of a certain "animal" nature in the cycling industry just a little more "human"...

By the way, the post header image is a small sampling of a little parts line those in the know call Eleven81, THE only component ridden by THE original Mountain Khakis race team and THE only brand with the Troy Whelan "super-casual wall pose" seal of approval. But anyhoo, as we saw in yesterday's post, Josh's VINER road frame with matching Campy rear and fork dropouts (!) is ready for painting:

It's been sandblasted and primed by trained professionals. We were chatting yesterday about potential color schemes and Josh said all the componetry will be silver. THEN he pulls out a little bit of Italian trinketry known as a Campagnolo titanium Chorus seat post. The Blog knew the frame to be of a certain age and new the post to be of a certain size (27.2). "No way that thing fits" thought The Blog to itself. Then betraying its internal monologue, The Blog blurts out to Josh, "I shall wager a shiny new Snickers bar that your precious titanium post will be far too large to fit in the seat tube!" After his usual hemming and hawing, Josh took the bait and agreed to the wager. "This grift shall line my coffers with deliciousness at this dunderhead's expense"

The seat post in question:The seat tube in question:
The proof is in the photographic pudding: Well, we settled our wager this morning and sadly, it turns out Josh's Campy post does in fact fit his Viner frame and The Blog has been crowned with the Dunder laurel. Egads! It's too early in the week to lose a bet of this weight and import! Enjoy your Snickers while you can Josh, IT SHALL BE YOUR LAST!!!

Joshie's Single Speed Frame Needs Paint

Just a quick survey today. What color should Josh's single speed frame be? I suggested orange with blue lug accents, maybe paint the stars white? Josh raised an eyebrow at that one. Anybody got some ideas? And yes, this is the same frame The Blog found thrown away on the side of the road in Shandon (a Columbia neighborhood for those of you not from around here). It's been primed and needs paint desperately so Josh can ride it to work... everyday... for the rest of the year.

The Whole SHOT

Apparently, The Blog's hometown of Spartanburg is putting on a Critical Mass (wait, is it even possible to "put on" a critical mass? I thought they just sort of happen) TONIGHT. If you're downtown or looking for an excuse to drink lots of beer after riding with some kind-hearted folk, then show up at Daniel Morgan Square around 6 PM. The Blog's sister lives like 30 seconds from there so swing by (edit.), throw her on her beloved Electra Townie and make sure she does the ride or else. Just in case there are some kids on fixed gears showing up with issues slowing down, perhaps you should acquaint thyself with the new Gran Compe Shot brake levers (BKLR1084). Basically, it's a brake lever with TWO levers. You mount it in the center of your handlebar so either your right or left hand can grab a bit of front brake. The right lever pulls the cable like a conventional brake while the left lengthens the housing like a cross lever. Gran Compe stresses this is not a super-strong brake and should not be used as a primary "stopper". But heck, it looks good and is well made. We have these in the requisite colors in addition to the Dave Carson approved black and silver. Fit's a 25.2 handlebar and comes with all the hardware you'll need to install it. It's just that simple people.Just in case you're still scratching your head, a snippet of the instruction sheet...

Colin Tice: Nutritional Role Model

Inside Sales hobgoblin Colin Tice cannot drink coffee because of a medical condition he refuses to tell us about. This morning, Colin showed off his coffee substitute in all it's scuba tank-sized glory. It's called Monster energy drink and Colin loves it. Must be some sort of new thing with the kids. Has anybody else heard of its existence? Apparently, Monster sponsors all sorts of bicycle riders; bmx, downhill and monster truck (what, no 29er riders?!). In addition to that, they like to do "extreme" things like make cans with the Cloverfield monster claw scratch on it in addition to putting 10,000mg of "energy mix" into 32 ounce cans. The "energy mix" consists of the following: Carnitine, Glucose, Caffeine, Guarana, Inositol, Glucuronolactone and the always savory Maltodextrin. Colin announced this morning, in front of the graphics office and Pastor Troy that he intends to chug a Monster (in its entirety) next Friday. Next Friday blog world! NEXT FRIDAY!!!!

The depth charge of death dwarfs Colin's 98 ounce Nalgene:
A 58 ounce can of Coke for comparison. Also hiding behind the Monster is another monster, the brand new 35mm Straitline SSC downhill stem (ST7710) in all its pink glory!

Commuter Bike Of The Week...

Will finally got his Spooky cross bike built up and rode the arduous 18 miles into work so by default, we shall award him with commuter bike of the week.

The world's most dominated Third Eye Chain Watcher (CHAN8005). If ain't broke, don't replace itHUDZ cable donuts (CABL90303), which according to Will (Hudz purchaser so his opinion is not without its share of bias) are the only cable donuts that never move. (Interesting head "badge" and some creative cable routing solutions)In addition to the complimentary hand soaps, nerve tonics, comfrey salve root lotions and erotic bath oils, Will gets the option of trading out his workhorse Cane Creek canti brakes (BKST1840) for some newly arrived, warehouse-fresh TRP canti brakes.

Just because cross season is long gone doesn't mean the well-meaning cross fop or mud dandy can't sport the latest in stylish bicycle de-acceleratrixes. Run the Eurox Aluminum for sporty jaunts around the neighborhood cross course or for simply relaxing around the house with your friends, like one of those Dockers commercials, minus the slow motion frivolity and the black and white footage. The Eurox Carbon brightens up any living room, den or rumpus room with a homely touch that appeals to sensible home decor aesthetics while avoiding an "old-fashioned" look that harkens back to "Petticoat Junction" mixed with "Dances With Wolves" . Weighing in at a scant 109 grams a set, these are the contemporary interior accessory you've been pining for. If it's sleek urban-funk stylings you're interested in with a nod to Wes Anderson costume design and Henry Darger flights of fancy, add the Eurox Magnesium to your holiday wish list (your choice of holiday ). Weighing in at 103 grams, these brake sets are what all the cool kids are running. Cool kids like Niels Albert, Geoff Kabush, Jonathan Page, Amy Dombroski, Katie Compton, Tim Johnson, Sven Nys and Sonic Youth's Thurston Moore. Sure, they don't dress like they just walked out of "Darjeeling Limited" but THESE brakes will make them FEEL like they just stepped out of "Darjeeling Limited". As far as stopping power for all three of these brakes, your guess is as good as mine. No idea. Nada, none.

Just a quick heads up...

Rachael from PCC sent this yesterday and because of a bout of the vapors, The Blog forgot to post it, but just in case some of you are in the "Santee" area of Southern Carolina this evening (south of Columbia but north of Charleston), might we recommend you do the following:
1) Drive to Lone Star BBQ and arrive there around 6 PM.
2) Pay 20 dollars for a dinner that features an insane assortment of low country goodness in addition to a seat at the showing of the George Hincapie documentary: "Crumb". Oh wait, I think it's called "A Ride With George Hincapie". Not sure what it's called as the E-Vite says "Ride Of A Lifetime". Could there be two different George Hincapie documentaries? Zounds. S'blood!
3) Feel good about yourself as a part of the proceeds goes towards the Palmetto Cycling Coalitions coffers! Hooray!

In keeping with the theme of announcements, The Blog just noticed the local Harbison spring mountain bike race has popped up on the Maxxis Southern Classic Series calendar. Will the trails be rideable by then? Last The Blog heard, it was like a swamp out there but hopefully with this run of dry, sunny weather, the bogs have started to drain... but where will the Yodas go? The good folk at Cycle Center are running the proceedings again so check out their website if you need more details. Don't ask The Blog. That is all.

Boone-Roubaix Heads Up

One more quick note of interest, the Boone-Roubaix "race" is fast approaching (April 3. 2010). Lots of gnarly dirt roads with plenty of Roubaix-styled climbing. The hardest of the hard, the feralest of the feral show up for this sufferfest. Will you be among those who toe the line or will you stay home to watch The Final Four, like The Blog? Kinda wish they made ALL categories do the full 69 miles and not just the Pro-1-2. Meh. Hopefully those with newly purchased cross and road bikes will consider this Spring "gut check". Proceeds go to the beyond-altruistic Wine to Water charity. That is all.(shot from a course recon from the Boone-Roubaix site)

German Ridiculonosity For Monday Morning

We've all seen the ladies doing the bike gymnastics thingy,so here is a junior for your consideration:

Serendipity, Thy Name Is Digital Underground

The Hawley receiving and shipping departments have been engaged in a blood feud that stretches years, centuries, epochs. Before the Hatfields and McCoys, Thomas Becket and Henry II, Velociraptors and Brontosauruses, Primordial Ooze and Alien Visitors From Beyond, there was the all-consuming battle between those who "put" and those who "send". It is with great pleasure to announce that through a love of old school gimmick hip-hop, differences have been set aside for one day in the spirit of brotherly love and understanding. Chris Maret (Receiving representative, 4th level mage/conjurer) and Andre Maldanado (Shipping representative) have extended the olive branch with their ensemble coordination. THIS IS WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT PEOPLE!!!

"Chris, what's with the sour face? Don't do me like this!""Meeeeehhhhhhhhhhh"Yes! Best Friendz-4-Ever!

Velociraptor Safety: Chrome Shoe Exchange

Just a couple quick notes for today. First of all, The Blog predicted the Old Dominion victory over Notre Dame in today's opening round of March Madness. High five! Second, you have a couple hours to rush to your local post office with the most feculent pair of sneakers you have and mail them to our friends at Chrome Bags. Then they send you back a brand new pair of sneakers (their choice) in the size of your choice and the implosion of the universe is narrowly avoided. Here is an article that has the mailing address and some helpful details: SHOEMAGEDDON! The end. Have a nice day. That is all.

Welcome To The Terrariumdome!

Pain Face Tuesday

Whaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!
The Hawley Company's good friend Rachael Kefalos at PCC forwarded a Bike Summit re-cap to The Blog yesterday with the note "Yo, peep dis!" Ah yes, the rap vernacular shall be heeded and will indeed be "peeped" to the local readers. Lots of good news about complete street plans and the ACT Act! What's the ACT Act you ask? Here's the text of the bill for your perusal. It's fairly short so please read it and pay attention to its salient points. Basically, it's a 2 billion dollar windfall for trails and cycling paths/lanes: BOOYAH! Rails to Trails has a few extra tidbits relating to this important bill in addition to an online "letter of support" you can sign: DOUBLE BOOYAH! Also, keepin' it on the funky fresh advocacy tip, don't forgot to head over to Peopleforbikes.org, sign the pledge, tell your friends and help make cycling "safer" for everybody on two wheels, minus this guy.

On a random note, Northen Florida Sales Rep Andtron 5000 demanded pictures of his freshly built Storck Aero be posted on the blog. "No" was not an option. He was extremely pumped about his matching Fizik saddle, tape and hood combination. Kudos, it's barftastic Andy! Look for this abomination atop Andy's Subaru at a bike shop near you...

Speaking of Barftastic, some of you may remember The Blog's fruitless quest last year for a KFC Double Down. Well, it turns out the Double Down was nothing but a gimmick to reinvigorate interest in the KFC brand. They had no intention of releasing the Double Down to the (unsuspecting) general public. The "test marketing" was nothing but a ruse. A bit of gastrointestinal slight of hand! Now that I have officially disowned the Colonel and shredded my "Hip Hop Colonel" commemorative stationary, I have since discovered a very real, very disturbing new "foodstuff" being foisted upon us by the good people at McDonalds. In a nutshell, the Mac Snack Wrap is a Big Mac in a tortilla and that's about it. I guess when you put something in a "wrap", it instantly sounds "healthier" and "fresher". Sarin Gas? Never! Sarin Gas WRAP? Keep talkin'! Anyway, this thing exists, it's here in the dirty south and there is a McDonalds within break dancing distance of Hawley. Results and corresponding data to follow. Prepare my sarcophagus and alert my local shaman.


Nummers!!!